Thinking myself lost

Today I made an airport run with Lydia. After the airport run we went to hug Beth M, my dear friend, and have very strong and large cups of coffee with her. Lydia enjoys a good cup of joe in the morning too. We had an awesome time visiting with Beth and seeing the new house that will be the headquarters of their Women's Program. I was shocked that John has AIR CONDITIONING in his new office. He claims it is for the computers, but that sounds like a likely story to me. This is the guy who did not let me live it down when I was pregnant with Lydie in July and Troy purchased a one room A/C unit for me. I never heard the end of what a 'jerk-wimp-baby' I was. Look who has joined the cool-kids club now!

After my visit with Beth I got in the truck to head home. Everything seemed fine and I was buzzing right along, when I realized I had been in deep thought and had no earthly idea where I was. This is a problem. Everthing looks alike. To differentiate one cement painted building from another is impossible. I thought about calling Troy but what would I say? "Honey, I am lost. I am by the long long wall with painting and graffiti, on the left and on the right there are ladies selling things, ahead I see more walls of cement, behind me there are ladies selling things and walls of cement. Where am I?"

After about five minutes of a bad, bad tummy ache I figured out where I was by spotting a big Catholic church (an ACTUAL land mark). I was just short of melting down when the church appeared, crisis averted.

Later on I was behind a bus. Suddenly I thought someone was shooting at us, when the front tire on the bus literally exploded into pieces and flew through the air. The fact that a single vehicle makes it anywhere on these roads is.... nothing short of miraculous.

The first wave of the team did arrive safely, the second wave arrives tomorrow.

Happy Valentine's Day!

More C.S. Lewis

"If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy,

the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world."

Photo: Scott Tanner - Hiking in Haiti

Linkage & Rental News

edited 3pm

Go here for a good James McDonald post ...

or here for another ...
(posts worth checking out/considering)

I don't have too much time, but wanted to say Hi and tell those of you who might have prayed that the house we own in MN would rent/sell --- THAT IT IS RENTED! The renter is a single guy, no kids no pets, no smoking. He is nothing like us -- the house will be fine! :) (We are heavy- heavy, 3 pack a day smokers.)

(That was sarcasm.)

Hurray for another answered prayer. The timings is interesting, we are 100% thankful for this answer. A huge financial burden has just been lifted. Thank you Lord for answering our prayer. (That was not sarcasm.)

God is moving and shaking things up in our lives right now, it is making for an interesting week. Interesting is good. Right?!?

I hope your week is interesting too, and is filled with His peace and His grace.

with love,
tara

Volume Check

"God whispers to us in our pleasures,

speaks to us in our conscience,

but shouts in our pains:

It is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world."

~C.S. Lewis~

Photo Credit: Scott Tanner

Follow Up

We feel the need to clarify. Sometimes it seems the tongue in cheek and sarcastic way we write ends up being misunderstood. Never our intention of course. It is not that groups/teams/visitors are a bad thing. Of course not!

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As a matter of fact, we just came off of a week where we were totally amazed by and blessed by a team from MI (as we stated in numerous posts).

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It is that *we* struggle to be a tight family unit sometimes when teams are here.(For all the reasons I already stated.) Please, don't read more into it than what was shared. It is about our weakness and our need to press in and rely better on God - we know that.

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“My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness. Therefore, most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” (II Cor 12:9)

A.M. fast internet photo post :)

Attn Britt:

Two photos for our FAVORITE Bear ...

Two photos of 2/3rd of the baby brigade and their fearless leaders ...

Jen gave Lydie that haircut ... Now we know why she is a Doctor, not a stylist.

Bloom in a Pressure Cooker

The Satellite is unable to talk to our dish many hours of the day. The positioning is messed up enough that at certain times, the two just cannot speak. My understanding of the whole thing is rudimentary at best. Basically, we (along with the birdog) have fixed anything that can be fixed and we're left with patchy Internet for now. At night it is almost unusable, which really messes with our ability to prioritize poorly, misuse our time, and stay up until 1am farting around on-line.

How can we perfect our addicitve behaviors without Internet? The photo to the right was Troy's reaction to the findings. He was not pleased that I caught it on film. He'll be less pleased that I posted it.

My family knows me well enough to read between the lines and sense an increased stress level of late. They are indeed onto me. I am stressed.

That cheesy refrigerator magnet that reads, "Too blessed to be stressed" - we don't have that magnet.

Our cheesy refrigerator magnets say, "Whatever God asks you to lift, He gives you the grace to carry" and "Bloom where God plants you!"

So, we "lift" and bloom! as best we can - reminding ourselves, with patchy success, that God offers grace for all of our stress and shortcomings.

But, it feels as if we have never had a chance to settle back in and find our groove; and that is getting to me. Week one in Haiti was the expected and understandable chaos of unpacking, reconnecting with kids I had not seen in a week and enjoying having my sister here. Week two was spent in a PAP hospital. Week three brought the team from MI. There was never a stretch where we said, "this is our new normal." There has not been time to lay down roots let alone bloom!

And now, on Tuesday, we begin the marathon of marathons.

Our USA boss will be here along with 40 guests over the next three weeks. The 40 are not here all at once, the group size varies week to week between 9 and 22 people. Because our first month back here was less than what I had hoped, and we never found a groove; I feel unprepared to put on the hostess face right now. My hostess face cannot even be located! I did manage to make up most of the beds yesterday, but nothing more than that. I have just one more full day to convince myself to rally, put on a smile, act "hostessish" - to bloom -- and then it is show-time.

The truth is, sometimes the daily things required are more than we can do well ... okay, not sometimes -- most times. So to add to the regular daily duties feels just short of impossible.

As has been the case since the day we arrived in this crazy-land, the most formidable challenge, day to day, is having any semblance of healthy boundaries. It only gets more difficult when under the pressures of visitors. We tend to struggle to get along when groups are here. (This being the reason I warned Tess and Jen about a possible fight.) It makes sense of course, the added responsibility means even less time to take care of each other and we end up sleep deprived, ticked off and emotionally drained. Having company does not allow for a crabby day, a bad day, or a lazy day ... And you know, that is okay for seven days - but 22 days is a long time to be friendly around the clock. I don't believe I can be June Cleaver that many days in a row. These lucky 40 folks will find out I guess.

All of this is simply to say, that the next three weeks could use some prayer coverage... Or, A LOT of prayer coverage. Thank you.

We continue to be uber thankful for our own Nanny McFee; the fabulous Tess. I have been so happy with the way she jumps in and tells the kids what to do without worrying about me or Troy. Noah thinks he might marry her someday. I think it is a fine choice. Demi and Ashton did it.

We will miss Tess terribly for the next ten days as she takes off to go meet her family for a long-planned vacation in Mexico. I am preparing myself to say goodbye without weeping and gnashing of teeth along with grabbing at her ankles - in a desperate attempt to hold her here. We'll see how that goes. :(

For the most part blogging is an outlet, I enjoy writing. I just don't know that I will have much time in the coming weeks ... I apologize in advance if you end up staring at the same post day after day.

Until we "speak" again .. Be well .. and bloom! ;)

Day One

(pretty cute medical staff - wouldn't you say?)
the clinic officially had "hours" today. dr. jen and paige both seemed pumped to be down there and there was no shortage of kids to see on afternoon one.


the internet is still the internot much of the day. if there is internet over the weekend i will ask paige to share more about her role as an assistant and maybe jen will get time to give the medical perspective on her blog.

can you imagine where you live, if today for the first time in your life a clinic opened up that was less than a 30 to 60 minute walk for you ... this is big. thanks to God for His timing and provision. the people here experience challenge none of us can even come close to imagining.

(Britt- That is Teega on the table, needed stitches in his head.)

friday night in la digue is not too rowdy. tess is making tacos and we're hoping to figure out a way to convince the connection to allow a download of LOST. we all have absolute crazy-crazy schedules for the rest of the month of february, blogging will continue to be light at best.

thank you so much for your prayers!

tara
(also troy-paige-tess-jen-isaac-hope-noah-phoebe-lydia-annie & peanut)

post it quickly before the connection is gone

One photo posted. I am nothing if not persistent. If you remove the Haitian staff and people from our family from this photo, the remaining people only made it as far as Miami yesterday. They literally pitched a tent and slept in the airport. (They had a tent and sleeping bags and they made use of them.)

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Yesterday Jen planned to see one baby, but ended up seeing a few people because word spreads and people tend to travel in packs. If you get an appointment it makes sense to bring your sister, niece, cousins and friends. One adult woman showed Jen a bad breast issue. Jen said it looked to her like someone thought they were removing an abscess but instead cut into a milk-duct. Ooooowwwww. Jen is not going to be getting into the breast abscess business. She is a Pediatrician. She will see children and in addition to that she will do wound (stitches and burns)care. We all agree that it is best for her to stick to what she is trained to do, and do what can be done well only. There is such an enormous need here that the temptation is always to try to be everything to everyone. But that compromises the quality and pretty soon you're doing a whole bunch of stuff sort of half-butt. It feels less daunting to start with some parameters. Thanks for your prayers for Jen, she will have a ton going on once the hours are set and the word-of-mouth machine begins to work.

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Troy and Jen are on a medicine buying run today. I think they took the older, wiser; Zach along to help them.

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Paige has already identified herself as a valuable player in the clinic setting. For a couple hours a day she will screen patients and do an intake type form with them. Jen said it was clear to her right away that Paige could be a huge help. I believe Paige has been offered $1.00 a day in payment, to which she excitedly proclaimed, "$1.00 a day is A LOT for someone with no place to go spend it!!!!" Next time you see her, she'll be filthy rich. ;)

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We had a nice time with Dr. Mark Fulton last night. He shares a sarcastic sense of humor and has lots of Haiti medical experience. We picked his brain for a few hours before allowing him to head home.

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There will be more photos when the birdog finally makes something happen with this goofy Internet problem.

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We're anxiously waiting to hear that Laura M. gets her adoption visas ... is she does not she might come spend the weekend with us -- but for her sake we hope she is on a plane out of here.

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Time to go get ready for another exciting day of Kindergarten. I have a whole new appreciation for Kindergarten teachers everywhere. Meanwhile, Tess is determined to get Lydia to take a bottle. Lydia is determined to NEVER take a bottle. In the absence of television and sporting events, this competition between Tess and Lyd is proving to be entertainment enough.

have a great day!

tara

If I could ...

... I would post cute photos of:

• Tess reading to Noah
• Jen and her first patient in the clinic today
• Troy with his head in his hands fighting with the Internet (not really cute ... more along the lines of sad)
• The entire Michigan team as we sent them off this morning
• Noah and Paige and friends at the beach the other day
• Isaac and the new basketball hoop - showing his skills

But I cannot. Sorry. Did I mention I LOVE having a fast and reliable Internet connection? I DON'T love this. (I will try to get one or two to post - but expect nothing and be happy if something appears.)

Troy has gone to pick up Mark Fulton for dinner. Our plan for the night- to make fun of Mark and then go to bed early.

InterNot

Troy is using this thing called a "birdog" trying to reposition the satellite and get us back in the correct alignment. Today he learned that the birdog is out of date and in order to make it work he would need to download new settings in order to update the birdog. Downloading typically requires decent internet, not just thirty seconds here and thirty seconds there. And *there* is the rub.

In past days I have always tried to get photos to go with my posts and have waited, sometimes hours, to get the dumb thing to post. Highly annoying. The lack of Internet points out our reliance upon it. I personally would give up refrigeration before I would give up Internet.

Today we were given some down time by the team. We spent the time talking and relaxing beachside. It was a wonderful treat and my first four hours away from Lydia in ... oh, like ... forever. It was nice to get away. Thank you Lighthouse team for allowing the mini-getaway.

I think one of the main reasons we SO appreciate this particular group of visitors is that they don't come down expecting to save the world, save Haiti, or even change it. They come open to whatever God has for them ... even if it means nothing tangible or visible happens while they are in Haiti. They come here open to Haiti changing *them*.

On our afternoon off, we vowed not to talk about the kids. We should have vowed not to talk about work and the next few weeks too. We're mostly just warning Jen and Tess about what a fight looks like between T and T --- so when it happens they won't be afraid. It seemed wise to warn them as we enter into many weeks of increased workload and visitors. The fight will happen, it is just a matter of when and where. :) Jen says she will hide when it happens, and Tess says she has seen enough in her 23 years to handle it.

Mom and Dad .... You'll be pleased to know that I told them about your Burger King chicken sandwich fight of 1984. It was an illustration they both enjoyed. I won't share it on the blog, I am saving it for my tell-all book. ;)

We're sending 13 people back to the frozen tundra of the greater Grand Rapids area tomorrow. They will be returning home to you, a little tired, a little sunburned, a little sore, but a lot blessed.

We feel the same way. :)

Fat Fat Fat Tuesday

Some have asked why the short, boring blogs of late? Two reasons - 1. lack of internet 2. lack of time and maybe even 3. lack of good attitude .... I am so anti-complaining that if I feel that a post might lean towards complaining .... I figure it is best to skip it.

(I am nervous about the coming weeks and the amount of things that are supposedly going to happen ... and nervous about how it will affect my husband and kids --- lets just say that sometimes the work in Haiti will eat you alive and leave you in a place where you struggle to remember what it was like to talk to your husband or sit down.) Done complaining.

Troy is currently in the driveway arguing with a guy who bailed out on a job before it was done and now refuses to finish unless we pay him more. A contract was signed and he was paid a lot already .... But the whole idea of a contract meaning something seems to be lost on him.

The team continues to work hard and accomplish all sorts of tasks. They are a great group of people that we truly enjoy. They head back to Michigan mid-day tomorrow. Jen and Troy hope to go on a medicine shopping spree and find a bunch of stuff for the clinic. Tess and I plan to feed, change, rock, and entertain the baby brigade.

The price on the SuburDen dropped this week ... if you were tempted before ... it just turned into an even better deal. We can put you in contact with our friend who has it if you're interested. Anyone??????

Monday night, 7pm, still don't know who won the Super Bowl, still don't feel like I am missing anything.

The Michigan team has all but finished the work in the clinic. Let us just say that lots and lots of folks painted in the clinic, but only THESE FOLKS finished the painting in the clinic. We (Jen voiced this too) were so blessed by the way no job was too icky or too menial for them, they just did what needed to be done. It was refreshing!

Lydia has only TWO antibiotic injections left and then she is homefree! We're happy for her and happy for us!

I was excited to get to talk to Britt a couple of times today, she sounds great. It seems like a really long time ago that I left her in Waco.

That is all I have for tonight. :)

Plan your work, Work your plan - or Not

The team left at 6am to head north about two hours by donkey. Paige represented our family, as Troy needed to lead worship in Port au Prince today. I did not get a chance to see the team before they left but assume they were all bright eyed and ready to go. Troy and Isaac took off about the same time -- the rest of us are being lards and resting at home. (Resting = Cleaning, folding, taking care of babies, doing schoolwork, and getting on the dreadmill for the first time in weeks.)

Troy checked, checked, and re-checked (even sent someone to the business to ask them face-to-face) to be sure a business he needed to visit for team supplies was going to be open yesterday ... Only to get ALL THE WAY INTO PORT AND FIND IT CLOSED. He said he gave a fist pump to the sky in anger and quickly got over it ... Boy have we (and when I say we I mean HE) come a long way in two years.

If only this sort of thing were not the norm here. The lack of planning, follow-through, commitment to one's word, urgency, and customer service ---well, it can sometimes make you want to rage and beat something (or someone.) But, it is all for nothing because it won't change anything and Haiti is certainly not going to react and fall in line just because some high-strung white guy throws a tantrum when a business that said they would be open decides NOT to be open.

If only we could recapture the hours wasted driving to Port to do things that Port/Haiti would not allow. Karnaval (Mardi Gras) is upon us now; those businesses won't be open until at least Wednesday. (Insert heavy sigh of begrudging acceptance.)

The well thought out plan WILL NOT be executed in this land. No sir.

Speaking of well thought out plans, we're hoping that Jen might soon be able to use her wicked-smart "dokte" skills. There are a few things that she would really like to have on hand that we hope to figure out how to get ... Then we'll be ready for her to roll and see patients.

Right now she can do wound care and sutures but we have not let that word out onto the street quite yet. Once it is known that an able-bodied-doctor-person is here, the machete cuts will start showing up right and left.

Please pray that we find the items we need and that the looooong drawn out wait for the clinic to open will come to an end. Pray also for the right staff to be hired and for provision and leadership to arise quickly so that the clinic can keep running well for the long term.

This is one of those frustrating things for us. The need for a GOOD clinic is SO enormous, yet we have no clue how to turn a lovely building into a well-run clinic. God does not send the equipped ... We're proving that rule in regards to this clinic. Getting from point A to B has not been easy at all. BUT- God sent Jen for a reason and we're hopeful that she can get things with the clinic headed in the right direction in the coming months.

(Photo Credit on second photo, Marcia Erickson)

AAAGH!

I just wrote, then lost, a crazy-long report about yesterday, about Karnaval and the issues it is creating, about Haiti frustrations ... about the clinic, Dr. Jen, the plans with all of that ... and now ... I am too crabby to reproduce it. It was really good too. ;-) I am persistant, but not nuts ... a half hour gone and nothing to show for it! Now I must go clean.


Boo Haiti Internet.

Tina and Matt - For you- photo of Annie with her big cousins taken this morning-

Little Sisters

A post for the Grandmas-

Phoebe is showing much more interest in Lydia lately. As long as you're overseeing the activity closely - assuring that the loving gestures don't turn into violent gestures it is super cute watching them together. This weekend Phoebe turns 15 months and Lydie turns 4 months. We weighed them recently- P is 25 lbs and L is 14 lbs. :)

MI TEAM

I am trying to get a team-photo to post ... Hoping it works.

Today SO much was accomplished. Jen led the charge to get the mess in the medical clinic sorted out, everyone was game and were all a big help in making sense of the stuff that was sitting and waiting to be sorted and organized. It was a totally overwhelming job but everyone stuck with it and made great headway. A small explosion in the fire pit caused a grass-fire but Lance (team member from MI) called out the LaDigue volunteer fire Dept, and within minutes things were back under control.

Saturday there is Pastor's training, some construction plans and more work in the medical clinic planned. We'll try to load photos during the day, for whatever reason uploading seems to work a little better during the day.

If you're a newer reader and need to figure out who all the people are (no Troy does not have three wives) that live/work here, there is a link on the left giving you the low-down.

Have a Great weekend!

On-Line Editorial

Photo Credit: Scott Tanner

The unfunniness of our apathy

Editorial from The Economic Times

1 Feb, 2008, Mukul Sharma

A 1970s song by Elvis Costello & The Attractions goes : So where are the strong/ And who are the trusted?/ And where is the harmony?/ . .. What’s so funny about peace, love and understanding?

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One could say it represents just another facet of the old hippie mantra about spreading universal compassion and dismiss it as misplaced and mawkishly sentimental.

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But, really, is there anything so hugely hilarious about such humane qualities that a lot of us actually have to giggle our way out of their consequences instead of embracing them? Like, what did that fleeting flower-power movement want besides a little more empathy to be around?

Writing in the Washington Post, the psychotherapist and business psychologist, Douglas LaBier, says that “empathy deficit disorder” (EDD) is a pervasive but overlooked condition with profound effects on the mental health of individuals and society.

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That people who suffer from EDD are unable to step outside themselves and tune into what other people experience. “Unlike sympathy, which reflects understanding of another person’s situation, but viewed through your own lens, empathy is what you feel when you enter the internal world of another person. That kind of connection builds healthy relationships, an essential part of mental health,” he writes.

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According to LaBier, there’s a scientific basis to this too. Recent research shows that the capacity to feel what another person feels is hard-wired through what are called mirror neurones in the brain.

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Functional magnetic resonance imagery has shown that brain regions involving both emotions and physical sensations light up in someone who observes or becomes aware of another person’s pain or distress. In fact, some neuroscientists consider this to be one of the most important findings in the last decade, more so as it’s directly linked to feelings of empathy.

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But when the desperately poor people in the Caribbean nation of Haiti, for instance, are reduced to eating mud laced with a bit of salt and shortening because they can’t even afford a plate of plain rice, it makes no sense for the rest of us to be proud of possessing such a brain.

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Social evolution in that case has proved only too self-defeating for our own emotional well-being if we can read news reports like this and are still able to move on with our lives without concern. How’s that so funny either?
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Editorial on the Editorial:

The idea of there being an actual disorder called EDD ... Well, that might be a bit over the top ... But I do agree that being able to read news like this and yet remain apathetic is totally perplexing! Call it EDD if you want, I call it icky.

(If you have not read the story called, Poor Haitians Resort to Eating Dirt, please click on the link above.)