When LOVE Shows Up: Reporting on the Love Flash Mob & Together Rising

Thanks to the generosity and efforts of thousands of people each giving a small gift, The Heartline Maternity Center in Port au Prince, Haiti - will soon be receiving $230,000 for an expansion project. 

(Details on how that will be used at end of post.)

Amy & Glennon as they left Haiti

If anyone ever, in the history of the world, had a chance to convince me that the Internet is a place where good can happen, that person is Glennon Doyle Melton.  

You see, I am a realist. As a realist I admittedly walk right on the edge of the cynicism line, sometimes tripping all the way over and flailing around on the ground in a fit of despair or disgust. When I am being cynical and get caught and called out,  I just shrug and say, "hard-core-realists get called that sometimes."  But -  Inside, I know. 

I know I'm prone to distrust that there is SO MUCH deep goodness and love in the world. I am guilty of hyper focusing on the jealous and angry, the dishonest ones, the people that make mountains out of molehills, the ones that are critical. When I am dumb and do that, I always forget that there is a large army of folks that live their lives in order show up and help - in order to love and lift others up. 

When Glennon first (see: www.momastery.com) wrote me to say she felt she and her non-profit, Together Rising should consider doing something to help The Heartline Maternity Center, I instantly broke out in hives.  

I love Glennon as a friend and peer and have enjoyed the times we have been together. I felt super afraid to have our friendship change into "business" and spent several weeks lamenting to Troy that maybe the risk was too great.  I care more about relationships than I do fundraising and maybe mixing the two wasn't something we should do???? What if everyone hates this Love Flash Mob fundraiser or doesn't care about the cause, I asked Troy.  Glennon will get hurt and so will we.  Do we want to risk the rejection?

However, Glennon seems to live in the space and the reality that matches her conviction  - That conviction being: love conquers all.  

She pushed me about "doing something!" and I in turn pushed her to come to Haiti and see it all first - that went on for a bit - until we all agreed that we would willingly risk together. 

Thus, the Together Rising Love Flash Mob you likely heard or read about here and here took place in October.  

There was no rejection.  

There was love.  There was beauty.

People showed up and gave and shared and cared.  It was stunning to watch.  

Telling the pregnant ladies what happened the next day was a really special moment. "So, the Internet, you all know about it, yes?  Well, the tiny little lady that visited in September and her tiny little friend and the whole Internet gave us a lot of money to make this place bigger and better and to help more of your sisters and aunts and friends have a place to come find love and community and a safe place to deliver."   

They all nodded at the awesomeness of the Love Flash Mob and marched outside to pose for this photo.

Dear Lovers of Women, Dear Sisters that Show Up,

I am writing for all of us at the Heartline Maternity Center when I say, we don’t at all comprehend or believe what you just did. We want you all to know this: The depth and breadth of this love will unfold for years to come. **YEARS**

When we consider that each life is ascribed unsurpassable worth, and that this gift you’ve given will allow many more women to give birth safely – where they will be honored as individuals, and surrounded by love … And then you consider how love changes people and they take that love they receive and go touch others.

There is literally no way to quantify what this Love Flash Mob has birthed in Port au Prince, Haiti.

We feel all the things right now. Not an exhaustive list: Grateful, Excited, Nervous, Thrilled, Humbled, Anxious, Jubilant, Hopeful -and mostly, Overwhelmed by Love. 

Heartline M.C. Staff 

My favorite laugh-out-loud moment of the hours Glennon and her trusted right-hand-(wo)man Amy spent with us, happened early in their trip.  

We picked them up from the airport and drove them straight to the state run hospital in order for them to get a chance to see what that option looks like.  Most women deliver at home, but if they don't want to deliver at home, this is the main Port au Prince option. We thought Amy and Glennon should know what the women face here as they make these choices (or the choices happen to them in most cases) about labor and delivery. 

When we drove into the hospital parking lot, the security guard with a automatic weapon in his hands made a gesture to Glennon while making direct eye contact. The gesture was to take his fingers/hand and from left to right drag them across his own neck. Glennon's eyes popped straight out of her head and into my hands.  I frantically repositioned them and popped them back in her head. She said, "Oh my gosh! What did I do?!?!?"  I laughed and said, "In Haiti that just means he is thirsty or hungry".    

The guy with the huge gun making a motion that appears like he wants to cut your head off  -  is actually communicating non verbally that he'd love a drink and is not well at the moment. NO WORRIES.  :) 

I think Glennon's eyes went back to normal fairly quickly, but I'm not sure her heart-rate ever did. 

Lydie and Phoebe and Amy and Glennon - PowerHouseTeam

230K!!!

Q.
WHAT WILL HEARTLINE DO WITH THIS MONEY THAT IS BEING GIFTED BY TOGETHER RISING?

A.
We currently work out of this Maternity Center:
(see video tour of the MC above if interested) We have reached capacity in this 1300 square foot space.  We truly need more space in order to grow and we need the extra operating cost money before we could grow.  

The 230K is going to do ALL of the following:

Add a second floor to the M.C. - this will be classroom space, add a two-stall ladies restroom upstairs in the classroom, convert the downstairs classroom space into 2 postpartum rooms and 1 versatile room that will be used for prenatal visits, postpartum recovery, etc., as it is needed, after that we will remodel and upgrade the current birth-room bathroom, buy medical equipment, pay one (new) midwife salary, do some professional development/education for the staff, provide continued birth control services and grow the Prenatal and Early Childhood Development programs by 30%  -- adding 20 more women at a time in those programs. 

Heartline Maternity Center is accountable to Together Rising's Board to spend the money as agreed and designated.

Q.
How long will this take to happen?

A.
We believe that 100 days from now the upper floor will be completed. At that point we will have the space and bandwidth to do every other thing listed above. Haiti has a way of keeping life interesting (read: things don't usually go as planned) but we have chosen and hired the general contractor and we await the news of the actual construction start date. 

Q.
This is great news!  Does Heartline Ministries need our financial help and prayers after this huge successful thing and after that large gift has been given to the Maternity Center?

A. 
It IS great news.  We're giddy about it. Thanks for asking that, because YES YES YES YES YES, we still need everyone that helped us meet the previous operating costs. We still need every family, church, individual, and group that sent their monthly sponsorship or donation.  

We still have all the other things going on at Heartline Ministries and this gift from Together Rising is very specifically designated to only the Maternity Center and exactly what we've listed above. The previous operating costs all continue. Your faithfulness in helping us make payroll and run all the programs is huge and important and appreciated beyond what we can communicate in a simple blog-post.  The joyful ladies in that photo above are living testaments of the ways your prayers and gifts are put to use  - and bless many.   

As always, Heartline Ministries and The Heartline Maternity Center and our staff and my family are crazy grateful to be where we are - SO grateful. We are seeing God at work in and through all of you, we are seeing the lives of women changed. THANK YOU for your generosity, love, and commitment.

With LOVE-
tara 

All the November Things (teachers, elections, loveflashmob, adoption)

Troy just returned from four nights in the Houston, TX area.  He was able to see both of our girls and their husbands and the amazing grand-baby.  He also hired two Texas teachers for the January to June teaching position.  The kids have teachers for the next semester!  SO many of you shared that post, per our request.  We want to thank you because most of the applicants were not folks we had any prior connection to - you helped us find our teachers.  

WE HAVE TEACHERS!!!

(To applicants -  my computer totally crashed Saturday and it was/is not backed up.  This means I cannot get to your email addresses - the reason you did not receive a polite email that said, "Thank you so much for your interest in the January to June opening, the position has been filled."  I know it is tacky that you may find out here.  I'm sorry, I don't know when the Apple people will get my computer and be able to give me access to my mailbox. Please forgive this lame way of communicating with you.)

*           *             *

I am hoping to get time to share with all Heartline friends the story of Glennon and Amy's trip to Haiti (there are some FUNNY things you must know) and also to detail which portion of the funds that were raised will be coming to the Heartline Maternity Center and exactly how we will be using those funds. That is on my to-do list and will be the next post here.  Please keep supporting Heartline Ministries and help us love and honor Haiti with educational opportunities and maternal healthcare.  You can support Beth McHoul as she runs a race November 14th with several others for Heartline by clicking here. 

Also, today happens to be a big day in Haiti as the announcement regarding the presidential election are going to be made. Please pray with us.

*              *            *

Our friends Bryan and Angela are launching a new project.  We're so excited for them and hopeful that they will quickly be able to move forward.

If you saw the Documentary entitled CLOSURE, you already know how solid and honest and vulnerable these two have been in order to elevate the voices of adopted children and adults - as well as their birth parents.  (This is our heart - to honor their stories in every way.)

This new project is going to be just as lovely and I believe it is necessary work.  Please watch this and consider kicking your weekly coffee money toward their cause. GIVE HERE.

By Angela Tucker, Originally printed at Christianity Today

November is National Adoption Month. Along with church observations of Orphan Sunday and the newly founded World Adoption Day, this is a time when adoptive parents talk, tweet, and blog to share their experiences and celebrate the families they’ve grown through adoption.

You’d think that this kind of public campaign promoting adoption would be something that gets adoptees like me excited. Instead, I find myself feeling ambivalent. Too often, parents’ voices dominate the adoption conversation, both in society overall and in American evangelicalism. Their generally positive narratives—stories of welcoming happy kids with open arms, of fulfilling a biblical call to care for orphans— often downplay the complexities of adoption and the viewpoints of the children involved.

In response to National Adoption Month, adult adoptees started a social media campaign (#FlipTheScript) to incorporate their first-person perspectives. It is our hope that by telling our stories, more people will consider the complicating factors in adoption—not to discourage adoption, but to truthfully present the dual realities adoptees are forced to live within. For example, one adoptee wrote of her birth mother and her adoptive mother: “I love both of my mothers. Just like how parents can love more than one child. Neither love can be measured.” Lost Daughters, a writing group featuring the perspectives of adoptees, spoke to the importance of sharing their stories in this short video about the #FlipTheScript campaign.

I believe incorporating adoptees’ stories can also help balance the discourse around adoption for Christians, too. We can do more to recognize that tragedy is inherent within adoption. Even when an adoption plan is the best option for an adoptee, having a “better” family does not negate our complex feelings for our first families. I feel compelled to address some of the uplifting narratives and clichéd phrases I hear in Christian circles—and challenge us to think not only what they say to the world about adoption, but how they can come across to adoptees themselves.

Characterization of Birth Parents

Adoptive parents seek to communicate the love they feel for their children almost instantaneously. They want to put words around a relationship that was not formed by flesh and blood and to position their kids as part of their family, even if they haven’t been there since birth. I hear parents use lines like“you were born from her tummy, but grew in our hearts.” This idea can oversimplify the relationship adoptees have with their birth parents and adoptive parents; in fact, they pit their roles up against each other. At worst, our language can imply a commodification of the birth mother and create flat characterization of parents who choose adoption for their kids.

After 25 years of wondering about my birth mother, I recently reunited with her and found out more about the reasons behind my adoption—a story I share in a documentary entitled Closure. Despite a common instinct to minimize the role of the birth mother and focus on the love of new, adoptive parents, I learned my birth mother continued to love me and carry concern for me, even after I was placed in foster care. I continued to “grow” in her heart over the years, too; our relationship wasn’t confined to her gestation.

Conflation with God’s Adoption 

When I began working at a faith-based adoption agency, I heard many prospective parents with this rationale: Through Jesus, we were all adopted in to God’s family, so that’s why we are choosing to adopt.

Deanna Doss Shrodes, an adoptee and a licensed minister with the Assemblies of God, addressed this conception of adoption. She wrote, “Saying, ‘So you're adopted? No big deal...we're all adopted!’ minimizes the very real struggle many adoptees go through.” The theological conception of adoption doesn’t fully conflate with our earthly experience as adoptees. Christians can’t identify with or assume they understand the emotional state of adoptees just because their faith also uses the language of adoption.

Yet, I can see how Christians might be motivated by their faith to adopt. The Christian adoption movement has clung tightly to Bible verses like James 1:27: “Pure and genuine religion in the sight of God the Father means caring for orphans and widows in their distress and refusing to let the world corrupt you.”

As an adoptee, I read this biblical call to be an assertion toward family preservation, rather than an admonishment for Christians to adopt children and support the separation from their first family. (Slowly, more Christians are recognizing some of this nuance and trying to care for orphans through family preservation, or “orphan prevention,” rather than pushing adoption as the first solution.)

Focus on Being ‘Chosen’

In the church, we love to celebrate the language around being chosen and being adopted. I heard one pastor excitedly put it this way: "Adoption means you were chosen. God chose you! God wanted you! Don't walk around feeling rejected. You are adopted."

Amanda Woolston, an adoptee and a psychotherapist, said this word stings. “Chosen for what? To live this life? Why me? Out of all these other hypothetical children? I was the child available. And what's so great about painting a picture of my parents sorting through kids like they're shopping?”

We expect being chosen to be a pinnacle point of acceptance and happiness, but it doesn’t always feel this way for adoptees, whose “happy endings” still put them in a position of internal struggle. The adoptee community has mourned the losses of too many adoptees due to suicide this year, some of these losses stemming from an inability to speak truthfully about their feelings without hurting or betraying their adoptive parents.

I view adoption to be a necessary solution to an unfortunate need. It’s a tragic situation for one family (birthparents) while simultaneously offering great joy for another (adoptive parents). Adoptees sit between the two.

We can recognize the tension of their position, and the role of adoption in our communities, when we listen to adoptees. Their stories grieve and mourn the loss of their first family, celebrate their adoptive family, and everything in between. The complex truth of modern-day adoption reminds me of these words from the Franciscan Benediction:

May God bless us with discomfort at easy answers, half-truths, and superficial relationships—so that we may live deep within our hearts.

May God bless us with anger at injustice, oppression, and exploitation of people—so that we may work for justice, freedom, and peace.

May God bless us with tears to shed for those who suffer pain, rejection, hunger, and war—so that we may reach out our hand to comfort them and to turn their pain into joy.

And may God bless us with enough foolishness to believe that we can make a difference in the world—so that we can do what others claim cannot be done, to bring justice and kindness to all our children and the poor

Primum non nocere - First, do no harm

(Written & Posted Originally in April 2013 - Reposted today in honor of National Adoption Month, November 2015)


'Primum non nocere', perhaps you've heard that phrase? If so, you've likely heard this as one of the principle precepts of medical ethics. I'm not writing about medical ethics today. I'm writing about adoption ethics, but the same precept applies. 

First, do no harm.

I wholeheartedly believe most prospective adoptive parents set out to 'do no harm'. 

To each person considering adoption and to each person who has already completed an adoption, I share the following out of a deep concern for birth-mothers and first families. I share it as an adoptive mother, from a place of sorrow and regret.

Manno & his Papa

Recently I wrote this: I have intensely complicated thoughts about everything related to poverty, orphans, orphanages, and international adoption. Some of my thoughts are developed thoughts and others I am wrestling with as I wonder about the roles I have played in the system and as I watch injustice and unbalanced power all around me. 

For months I've been in utter and complete turmoil over many things related to international adoption. We first adopted more than 10 years ago. My turmoil has to do with my son, Isaac. It has to do with his first family. (I plan to share that story in a follow-up to this post soon.)  It has to do with the system and its multiple pitfalls. It has to do with doing harm.

The more I learn living in Haiti, the more research I do, the more convinced of the appalling issues I become. The more involved I've been with our children's first families the more I've been forced to face some difficult realities about international adoption. I recognize that I too have been part of the problem. I recognize that "do no harm" requires so much more understanding, awareness, and education than we had. 

Ketia & Julianna

In part because of my sister, who was a first-mom that placed her daughter for adoption as an infant, and in part due to my own international adoption experiences, I find myself predisposed to fight for first mothers and their rights. 

Having spent a number of years in Haiti, I have had an opportunity to slowly build relationships with many women and that has allowed me a unique peek into their lives and their reality. I've witnessed troubling exploitation of birth-mothers in Haiti. From all that I've learned, I have come to care intensely about the needs and rights of first mothers and fathers. 

"Exploitation" is perhaps an intangible term for some. When I say exploitation, I am casting a large net that refers to multiple things. As one example, I refer to a system that rarely tries to help a first mom through a difficult time but has no problem having her sign paperwork she doesn't understand and taking her child off of her hands, for good. If the child is an infant, that can easily be referred for adoption, he or she is received even faster. 

I desire reform in the area of ethical practices that go above and beyond to protect vulnerable, materially poor, marginalized, and often times uneducated first mothers/families. Even if we cannot agree how that reform should be fleshed out, I hope we can agree reform that protects poor first families is needed and overdue. 

Dieumatha & her little one

It occurs to me that our western culture of capitalism, materialism, and consumerism all play a large role in our attitude toward and approach to international adoption. Due to our wealth and ability to provide, sometimes without even realizing it we begin to believe that our material wealth makes us better suited to parent the child of a poor mother. What began as noble and pure and loving can fairly easily begin to look a lot more like ethnocentrism and entitlement. 

Prospective adoptive parents presented with proof that a healthy and able birth-mother exists rarely ask questions about why she relinquished her child. We want to be trusting people and we believe the story offered by their agency and never look back. Sadly, many later learn that nothing was as it appeared. 

(And of course, sometimes -for dozens of reasons First-mothers choose, without force or manipulation, to relinquish their child for adoption out of great need and pure motives. There are absolutely situations where babies and older children are legitimately relinquished.) 

Additionally, adoption is being marketed to us by our churches now. The cry from the pulpit to address the "orphan crisis" oftentimes creates pressure to adopt rather than a calling to adopt. I am not at all against a fact-based movement encouraging openness to exploring a new idea. I am against using guilt to propel people into uninformed or reckless action.  (Adoption as a way of solving the "orphan crisis" is marketed with sketchy numbers and without delineating "true orphan" from "poverty orphan" - which I find dishonest. Perhaps this is an entirely different blog post for another day.)  

I think most adoptive families (choosing to adopt internationally especially) enter into the process thinking they will be helping a child that desperately needs a family. Over and over adoption is marketed as- "Giving a child what they deserve:  A family."  My struggle is, most of these kids have that family before we arrive. We've not done enough to help their families have other options. We've not invested enough time in educating the birth families; first families frequently don't fully understand what they signed up for, nor do they understand what they can expect in the future. 

Wislene and her precious family

It is not a mystery why some injustice continues unchallenged in the adoption arena. Whenever people have a personal interest they are apt to protect themselves over the greater good.  Many say, "Once our adoption is done, we'll talk about what we saw, what we heard, or what we learned".  So many people that plan to talk "later" get tired or busy with a new family member to acclimate and they never follow through. Meanwhile, every day more children enter institutionalized care and new families turn over their payment and paperwork and the light does not shine on truth. I challenge all adoptive and prospective adoptive parents to refuse to be quiet when things are troubling  - to refuse to be frozen in fear - to refuse to allow the powers that be to manipulate or misinform without consequence.  

“The moment we begin to fear the opinions of others and hesitate to tell the truth that is in us, and from motives of policy are silent when we should speak, the divine floods of light and life no longer flow into our souls.” -Elizabeth Stanton

I imagine a world where a prospective adoptive parent would be every bit as willing to advocate (financially, spiritually, emotionally, and otherwise)  for the rights and justice of the poor first/birth-mother to keep and parent her child, as they are willing to push for their own completed adoption. I don't think anyone starts out wanting to trample on the marginalized but sadly it seems to be happening by default in many countries around the world.

Justice is not only about seeking fairness and equality for those without a voice; at times it is also risking our own personal happiness or gain in order to bring it.  

Those of us in the position to consider an international adoption are the ones with the most power.  Let us use our voice for good. Let us stand with the poor in support of their ability to raise children. Let us demand real and measured transparency.Let us not blindly trust what we're being fed by agencies and those that stand to gain most from the entire process. Let us be about exposing the dark parts of this system (truth telling) and educating ourselves and new adoptive families so we can all avoid hurting and oppressing the poor.      

Because I believe that with very few exceptions, most adoptive parents set out to "do no harm", it seems possible that we might all be willing to look more critically at the gray areas. If you're open to further consideration, here are some links and thoughts you can begin to read and research further:

1.  "In many countries,it can be astonishingly easy to fabricate a history for a young child, and in the process, manufacture an orphan.The birth mothers are often poor, young, unmarried, divorced, or otherwise lacking family protection.The children may be born into a locally despised minority group that is afforded few rights.And for enough money,someone will separate these little ones from their vulnerable families,turning them into "paper orphans" for lucrative export."Source: The Lie We Love, Brandeis University  
2.  PEAR - Parents for Ethical Adoption Reform (on Facebook too)
3. Multiple links regarding fraud/corruption here at Schuster Institute for Investigative Journalism - a.) Proposal for fairer adoption practices here 
4. I recently finished reading an advance copy of this book. My original perception was that it painted Christians with a broad brush, therefore some of it left me slightly defensive - BUT - there are enough/many stories and things that ring 100% true that I hope many adoptive parents will read it for themselves and not take my word for it - simply to be informed of the troubling evidence of coercion and multiple issues that exist within the current system.   
5.  Child Laundering: How the Intercountry Adoption System Legitimizes and Incentivizes the Practices of Buying, Trafficking, Kidnapping, and Stealing Children, by David M. Smolin  (This guy is smart and honest and comes at it objectively.)
6. If you are aware of North Americans using their power and inherent privilege to strong-arm or force an adoption (actually called kidnapping and called trafficking) - please expose them to authorities because every time a child somehow slips out of their birth country in an illegal and unethical way, it hurts others with legitimate and lawful adoptions.

This post does not address many other forms of fraud and deception; it was intended to be just one piece of the puzzle, focused on first families. Please don't read this post as any sort of personal attack or indictment. We are all swimming in ethically gray waters. I've become so troubled that I feel it is important to risk upset  in order to bring attention to the fact that many of our good intentions are inadvertently causing unjust results. Even though there is personal and emotional involvement - I am thankful that some adoptive parents will be moved by the Good that compels them to look harder at the broken system we have been complicit in creating and consider how we can be agents for change.

... God gives out wisdom free, is plainspoken in Knowledge and Understanding. He's a rich mine of Common Sense for those who live well, a personal bodyguard to the candid and sincere ... 

- Proverbs 2  -

~         ~         ~          ~

post script ...

Over the last several years, through the work happening here in Haiti, I've been watching Haitian mothers being offered a bit of encouragement and love. In that time I've watched over 250 women choose to parent (and not relinquish to an orphanage) their babies. Less than 1% have chosen to place for international adoption. Some are very, very poor women; some are middle-class women. With a relatively small amount of emotional support these women are choosing to parent their children. Without the benefit of wealth and material blessing they are doing a fabulous job loving and serving their little ones. 

Jacquline, her mother, and her newborn daughter

(all photos of Haitian families used with permission)

Everyone Showed Up

This beautiful thing happened yesterday:

http://momastery.com/blog/2015/10/21/love-flash-mob-global/


The results of 24 hours of LOVE are stunning:

http://momastery.com/blog/2015/10/22/so-they-did/

Overcoming

The crew that celebrated Graham's first birthday, Lydia's eighth, and Grandpa Porter's 65th together in early October

When I was in Texas a couple of weeks ago to see that delicious little grandson of ours - (Doh! - I mean - to see our big girls and their husbands and my Mom and Dad ... then of course that baby too, if at all possible) - I had a massive technology failure.   

A few weeks have passed and I am ready to talk about it now.

I arrived to DFW with my two spunky little girls and a plan to meet a friend that would hand me drugs. (Medicine for a diabetic woman in Haiti. Come on.)  When I got to the baggage claim area and turned my phone on to find out where I would meet the friend, only the voice of Siri or a woman that was pretending to be Siri came out.  The voice kept reading the home screen over and over and over to me.  "The time is 10:28pm".  Each time I tried to put in my password it would just tell me out loud what numbers I was pushing, but not ever unlock the screen.  

Like all of us do when we lose a vital organ, I began to panic.  How soon before I bleed out, I wondered!? How can I call my friend? How can I find my friend? How will I get to my daughter's house without that phone? What about the calls I promised I would make while on the long drive tonight? How will I remember which car-rental company I held the car with earlier? Where will my next breath come from?!?!?!   

"PLEASE -STAY CALM, Lydia and Phoebe",  I said.

I could continue to lay out for you every massive mountain of challenge I climbed without my phone, but I will spare you further detail and just skip all humility and tell you about my heroic ability to continue on in the face of all that affliction. 

Not only did I find the friend,  I rented a car and drove from DFW to daughter #1 without a map.  After that, I drove from Dallas to a city three hours away totally unassisted by Google Maps or a phone that is smart.  

That's right.  That really happened.

The next day I was trying to make it Troy's fault for sending me with a faulty phone to use in the USA and like he is known to do, he wrote a list of instructions detailing how I (read: Paige) could go about fixing it.  

I handed the instructions to Paige.  She sort of half-tried to follow step one and then she told me that his instructions included hitting the home button three times and that I did not have a home button.   

Huh.  Well.  Okay.  So that is done then. No fixing a phone that has no home button. Easy go, easy go. 

When I got home a few days later Troy turned the phone on, confirmed that yes indeed it was jacked up.  He then fixed it in .4 seconds by hitting the home button.   He has gone on to share this story with a couple of my friends in order for them to be able to mock and scoff with him. If my 20 year old says I don't have a home button, who am I, a 43 year old dinosaur, to disagree? 

My husband wants to focus in on the failure of not fixing the phone and also in believing Paige without question. That is not how this is going to go down. I am cementing this in history as the story of my bravery and ultimately my overcoming in the face of much adversity.  


 ________________________________________



A few kid other things I don't want to forget, so recording here...

On our way to Texas we had a long layover in FtLauderdale and shopped for a little bit. The girls asked if they could please go to the bathroom together without my help. We almost never allow them chances to test independence in public places in Haiti so I said, "Yes, you can if you stay together. If anyone gives you any trouble one of you fight and one of you scream and I'll come quickly." The girls said "okay!" and took off for the bathroom. I went back to looking at the rack I was standing near.

A few seconds later Lydie (half way to bathroom door) spun around and yelled back toward me, "Ma? I'm gonna be the one that fights, ok?!" 

I really don't doubt it.  Phoebe and Lydie are only 11 months apart in age. We are anxious to celebrate the birth of our Phoebe girl very soon.

(Written earlier)

This morning began with hysterically upset Phoebe. When we were in Texas for the birthday celebrations I bought her new underwear with the days of the week on them. She is MADLY in love with this new system of underwear organization ... takes all the guesswork out of choosing in the morning.
Well, Chestnut the ShiTzu ate Friday's pair. Phoebe discovered this today when she woke up. She dramatically explained how much this is going to ruin tomorrow and possibly every Friday for eternity for her. If you had heard her, even you would be convinced this is a HUGE problem, from which we may never recover. 

I (somewhat teasingly) suggested that we could just write Friday with a Sharpie on a pair of old undies. Tonight she came and handed me a sharpie and these underwear. Apparently my solution is actually better than wearing a pair that doesn't designate what day it is.  (Yes, she wore them and the marker survived the wash to live to see another Friday.)

Perspective: We Can Do Better

~A man walks up to the gate agent  and begins to express frustration with his flight delays.  He begins to talk louder and use his hands.  The agent decides his style of communication is a threat to her and calls the police.  The man is taken away from the gate and not allowed to fly that day.

~A group of men sit on their motorcycles at the busy intersection.  They chat and laugh  and watch traffic going by as they wait for potential customers to arrive.  A carload of visiting Americans driving by sees all the men gathered in a group on their motos and says, "This motorcycle gang seems dangerous. Why are they here?"

~Sarah is out for a morning jog in rural Haiti, in the distance she sees a man walking toward her with some sort of weapon in his hand.  She is alone on a run and becomes fearful. She turns back to run the opposite direction rather than passing the man on the road.

~We receive an email, explaining that an American family in Haiti is in need.  The email went on to explain that the family needs to leave Haiti before the elections later in October, because the country is dangerous - even more so during elections.  The family is raising a lot of money to get out of Haiti.

*          *           *           *

~The man at the airport was communicating in a very Haitian way.  Haitians can be quite animated in their communication, one minute you might observe two men having what appears to be a very heated conversation, the next minute they have their arms around one another and they are laughing their heads off while embracing.  Our observations of their communication is rooted in our own paradigm.  The gate agent was never in danger, no threat was ever made.  

~The men that sit at the corner are trying to make a living by driving moto-taxi.  They wait at a busy intersection in order to find customers that need a ride.  They laugh, tease, debate, and enjoy each others company while they wait on the next customer. They are not a "gang" and they simply hope to make a few dollars today.

~Sarah was new to Haiti.  She didn't realize that everyone in rural Haiti owns a machete. It is used for dozens of things, including working in the garden.  What Sarah saw as a threatening man, was really just a hard-working guy headed to his field to work.

~It is not so dangerous in Haiti that anyone needs to evacuate due to election season.  Like any place in the world, things can and do happen ... But, to suggest that staying in Haiti this month is unsafe is over the top dramatic and also untrue.  Sensationalizing things in order to fund raise hurts everyone in Haiti. 

*          *           *           *

Sometimes, as a family living and working long-term in Haiti, it becomes clear why there is some animosity toward foreigners.  Over the years the volume of people that have come here and misused funds, left their employees and vendors unpaid, and entered into inappropriate relationships or chosen to do things they deemed "helpful" while never asking, "What would be helpful?" is utterly mind-numbing. 

We grieve over the things that have been done here that have hurt Haiti and her people. If we (expats) are all to be grouped together and seen as a whole, it makes a lot of sense that many would look at us and judge us unhelpful, annoying, and even offensive and harmful.

Haiti does not need the media or visiting foreigners/humanitarians/missionaries to stir up drama for their own attention, fundraising, or sales. 

I think we can ask for better. 

I think we can do better.

Prepare Your Heart

In our circles we hear terms like, "donor fatigue" and "compassion fatigue". 

Living in Haiti we often encounter terrible situations that take our breath away, and cause moments of, "NO! How can this be true?" 

Fatigue is a thing of course.  It is something to be cognizantly aware of while working and living in this difficult and oftentimes dark world. 

The thoughts and struggle I have with fatigue is this: I am the one who is privileged enough to have the CHOICE of being fatigued.  

If I am sick of seeing the way patients are treated, or the way a husband repeatedly beats or cheats on his wife without remorse or consequence, or the unfathomable living conditions of several thousands .... How much more sick of it or "fatigued" must they be?  

The least I can do is try to keep seeing it and trying my best not to look away or give up on love. 

It is important for all of us that live easier, simpler, calmer lives to keep prepared ahead of time through faith, prayer, mercy, love, and forgiveness so that we can keep our hearts open when hell happens.  Thanks to Richard Rohr for so beautifully stating what is required to have a prepared heart.

IMMEDIATE POSITION - *Teaching* MKs in Haiti

New FAQ at bottom ...

**This post is updated.**

Meet our school aged kids:

Ages: 8, 9, 11, 13, 14 ~ Grades 2nd, 3rd, 7th, 8th, 8th 

These are some really REALLY cool kids that are deeply loved and cherished by their parents - they are totally different from one another. They are: wild, shy, sensitive, funny, artistic, and the good kind of peculiar and complicated. These are five wonderful kids.

We know we are biased...So let us reword...Here are normal kids that we love because they are ours. 

In the last ten years the Livesay kids have been home-schooled, gone to charter school in Waco, TX after the Haiti earthquake, and private school in Haiti.  Since August 2011 they have been taught by the same teacher who came for one-year commitment, but loved it here and stayed 4 years. (He is now teaching his final semester.)

All that history aside, the important thing is, these kids love to learn. They are good students with a desire to work hard (most days).

We need a teacher to begin in January 2016.

Just like other parents we value education and we want the best for our kids. While our situation living outside of the USA does limit our choices, we're certain there are viable solutions that will give our kids a well rounded and fun education experience.

In fact, we're so optimistic we believe our kids will likely graduate and move out some day. (Two of them have already done it and are in Texas.)  Heck, we dare to think that they might even excel as giving, caring, contributing members of society. 

If you have been reading this blog for very long you know that living in Haiti is an interesting and exciting adventure at best - also sad, difficult and draining at worst. 

Emotionally most people find themselves all over the board as they sort out what they see and experience here. We learn things every week about ourselves and our faith. This country will generally kick the butt of anyone willing to be introspective and honest about their feelings and attitudes toward the poor, hurting and marginalized. Those that apply for this position should do so knowing this will be an emotional roller coaster. 

Emotionally stable people in good physical health will do best in Haiti.

The DESIRED qualifications:

• Teaching degree/certificate
• A love of Jesus 
• At least one year prior teaching experience  (can consider those with less experience too) 
• Can provide references (personal, professional, spiritual) and demonstrate maturity - submit to a thorough background check
• Flexibility and a sense of humor to deal with less than ideal circumstances such as: heat, bugs, no hot water or no water at all, no air-conditioning, funky tropical illness, lack of electricity, political instability, limited entertainment options, etc., etc.
• Must work well living and serving in community 
• Must be a self-starter
• Ability to commit to the one semester of January to May 2016 (we will also be looking for candidates that want to apply for the 2016-2017 school year). 

Additional qualifications that are helpful:

• Hobby/Extracurricular activity that can be shared with the students such as- Piano, Guitar, Dance, Art, Foreign Language, etc.
• Two teachers that know each other and can teach and live together in one apartment are preferred - but not required - friends or a married couple would enjoy working together.

Additional Information:

1. A salary commenturate with experience will be paid. Depending upon the living arrangements there may be a need to do personal fund-raising above and beyond the salary.  We are able to house one or two teacher(s) in a small apartment/space (rent free) on the same property where school takes place. 
2. Position (and salary) could begin as early as December 1, 2015 with a target move to Haiti date of January 2016. The semester will begin by the second week of January. 
3. Best case scenario, the person hired will come spend a week or two with the kids and their current teacher THIS FALL (November) in order to become acquainted with the kids. (We understand this will be difficult to accomplish and the chosen candidate may not be able to get here this fall.)
4. Interviews will mainly take place by email and by Skype - and for final candidates in person.
5. For the next month we will be gathering information and resumes .
6. Between the five kids there are four grades represented (junior high and gradeschool). Candidates will need to find ways to work with the kids individually and collectively as needed.
7. Health Insurance not provided.
8. Teaching must be your number one priority for being in Haiti. Teaching will take 40+ hours per week. Other ministry or work is secondary and would be limited to weekends.
9. Vehicle not provided. 
10. Looking for a five month committment - January 5, 2016 to May 30, 2016  - WE will also be looking to hire a teacher for the FALL of 2016. 

To all of you that read and follow along:

We appreciate your help in spreading the word to candidates that don't read our blog but are looking for an exciting (and challenging) teaching adventure abroad.  Please share on Facebook, Twitter, and any other way you see fit.

Resumes will be accepted until November 1, 2016. Interviews via Skype will begin the week of November 2nd. Interested candidates should email Tara Livesay a resume and note of introduction at:

Livesayfamily@gmail.com 

Thanks for reading! Thanks for passing this along to the adventurous and available teachers in your life.


ADDITIONAL INFORMATION BASED OFF OF FAQs-

Yes we will consider a single teacher applicant.  We prefer two but will consider all single applicants.

The reason we think that two friends both taking the job or a married couple is ideal is two-fold.  One, teaching four different grade levels is difficult.  Two, during your evenings and weekends we are concerned that it is possible that a person could feel bored or lonely when they don't have a car to easily get around and perhaps would feel nervous to use public transportation without the necessary Creole language skills.  There are several younger and single expats in the nearby community for those that are good at extroverting. 

Salary will be based on experience and credentials.  Salary range is $500 to $800 per month plus an apartment on a very lovely and secure compound.

Only serious applicants please. 

We cover one one-way ticket to Haiti.

One week Spring Break (paid) off.

The personality of the kids you will teach ...

looking back and remembering

Last week Dr. Chris Sizemore came to spend a week in Haiti.  We all think he is the bomb because like Dr. Jen, he doesn't lord his Doctorness over us.  He came to work with us and hang out and teach us a bit. It was a blast.

In 2010 after the earthquake, this young woman showed up with a placenta abruption.  Chris was here working with Heartline doing earthquake relief medical stuff --- and it just so happens that Chris is pretty dang good at a C-Section.  Without much set-up or prep and certainly without a sterile OR, Chris was able to deliver the baby in under four minutes.  He then handed the floppy little guy over to Dr. Jen who did the PPV and got him breathing.   

(We won't discuss the mind-bender of a fact that while thousands died because of the earthquake, this young mom likely lived because of the earthquake.)

Midwives love telling stories. This story is one we tell often.  Since 2010 this Mom also had a VBAC with us at the Maternity Center.

While Chris was here last week we had a birth.  The birth was normal and without drama but it was messier than some and there was a lot of clean up to do.  Chris put on gloves and helped clean blood and amniotic fluid off the floor.  

From now on, I think this is how women should interview and choose their OB doc ... "Will you help midwives clean blood up?"   

If yes, HIRED!  

First male (besides Troy or the Dad of the baby) that was EVER allowed at a birth. 

Thank-you, Sizemore! 

Helping the Helpers

Our funny and fantastic friend April is fighting Breast Cancer.

Please read about her situation and how you can help by going here:

https://www.gofundme.com/April-sFight

honoring J & R & I on september seven

a couple of years ago we sat with isaac's first family visiting and asking questions about the beginning of his life.  on that day isaac's mom and maternal grandmother enthusiastically told him that he was born on the 7th of september, 2001.

up until that day we had been given september 11 and 18 as his possible dates of birth (differing dates on adoption paperwork). 

adoption is complicated. you have heard me say that a hundred dozen times. for his first family, there is loss and i don't imagine the sting of that *ever* goes away. 

for isaac, i am guessing most of the processing work lies ahead. one new piece of his story was brought into the light when he was given the chance to celebrate his correct birthday. 

while is his passport and everything official reads septmber 18, we learned from isaac that this date his mother and grandmother confirm as the day he was born in wharf jeremie on the cement floor of his small home, is the date that matters to him.  

we are celebrating today, on the correct date, for the second time.

watching isaac grown into his new 5'9" frame, and the distinct change in his voice this year has been quite something. He is still so filled with child-like wonder and joy ... his emotional development lags behind the physical - and none of us want to rush him.  

thankfully, his sheltered little home-school situation with a teacher and classmates that love all his wonderful peculiarities means that nobody is picking on him for being perfectly innocent and in utter awe of all of God's creation.  (teasing on occasion, yes. picking-on him, no.)

today and everyday we are so grateful that isaac's mom carried him, gave him life, still loves him, and knows him. thank you, J, for the gift you have given this world. we remember you today. we have also learned that much of isaac's joyful demeanor and carefree approach to life comes from his dad. R, we celebrate the beautiful qualities you gave your son today. we are all blessed everyday because of those things you passed on to isaac.

Happy 14th Birthday, Isaac. We hope you never lose your enthusiasm for life, your joy and wonder, your love of peace and harmony. 

The world needs you, buddy.

We need you.

xoxo - ❤mom&dad and mom&dad