And again ...

Our second delivery in 12 hours happened at 2:30 a.m last night. The baby girl is beautiful and did so well from the minute she first entered the world. (Again, I will add a link to Beth's photos. when I can.) The Momma, named Jenes, was easily one of the most profoundly sad people I have ever met. Beth and I kept doing our dorky jokes and trying to get her to crack a smile, but nothing. About six hours into her time laboring with us at the clinic we asked some more questions and she reminded us that her husband and the father of all four of her children was killed on January 12th and his body has never been recovered. He was at work downtown and the building he was in collapsed. She has spent the last two months waiting for news, but none came. We could tell that having this baby girl was incredibly emotionally painful for her, as you can imagine. We could not make Jenes smile, we could not heal her heart ... we can only pray that God will - in time - help her to heal and to smile again. Please Lord, hear our prayer.

I woke up this morning feeling absolute dread. It is almost time to head back to the other reality, and I do so with a heavy heart. I wish I knew exactly what bothers me most about it. It could be leaving our home with all of our "earthly possesions", including most of the sentimental and meaningful things I have kept and transported to Haiti after we sold our MN belongings. It could be leaving our big dopey dog. It could be the uneasy and unfair feeling of abandoning Jeronne and Tipap. It could be leaving Beth for I don't know how long. It could be that I feel like an alien. It could be that I won't be at PAP Fellowship next Sunday and I won't see our friends there. It could be leaving the people of Haiti that I admire and am inspired by and long to be here with ... Or, it could be all it.

I am so aware that I need to accept this. I am just not feeling acceptance today. Please Lord, help me get it together.

And off I go again.

tara