linking you

“Seven deadly sins:

Wealth without work

Pleasure without conscience

Science without humanity

Knowledge without character

Politics without principle

Commerce without morality

Worship without sacrifice.”

— Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi (1869–1948)

Justice should be simple, for justice is balance—not a middle-of-the-road reality, but a reality where God’s vision is sought, adhered to, and delivered. But, because of sin, justice is rarely as simple as we’d like it to be. 

Wherever humanity has a role in discharging justice, that justice must have a process for keeping it accountable, because humanity can generally not be trusted unless it is held to account. Even processes designed to keep those in power accountable can be rorted.

The above are excerpt(s) from a piece written by Steve J. Wickham - the entire post is HERE. 

~        ~         ~

ALSO - Ten Ways to spot spiritual abuse - HERE.  

Culture: Ayiti

Based on gestures alone, Paige wins the 'most assimilated' award, she uses most of these.  The palmslap gesture for "I don't know-don't ask me-I cannot do anything" is probably the most useful and most frequently communicated. (The more you know, the less you understand ... therefore that palm slap comes in pretty handy.)

pending ...

Marie-Fusenie and Yvette due to deliver next

Prenatal Day @ Heartline Ministries 

in (haiti) bummer news this week ...

Both Duvalier and the UN Continue to Try to Dodge Responsibility

shopping & guesthouse info

Two easy and even enjoyable ways to support Heartline Ministries:

1. Shop at www.haitiancreations.com the newest stuff they are creating is unique and SO lovely! (share this with others too) 

2. Doing work in Haiti? Consider staying a night or two at Heartline GuestHouse (share this with others too) located near airport

-these two sources of revenue are incredibly important to the women in the sewing and literacy schools as well as the maternity and earlychildhood development classes, please spread the word.

ISAACUMEN (vol.3)

"I'll be back in a jibbey."

"Dad. Tell me about the word deluge." (Troy does) "Oh my goodness, I like that word."

"What does it mean that God can be the beginning and the end?"

"Isn't it amazing that God made crocodiles able to stand on their tails? I wish I could be a crocodile so I could see what it is like to stand on my tail. I would be the master of the water."

"And dog tails are amazing. Do you think they can wag at any speed to keep the same beat as any song? It is almost like their tails are a metronome."

"If I smacked the water with my crocodile tail I could create a DELUGE!" 

(Oldie but a goodie) "Don't be rude to God's nature."  
(a regular part of Livesay vernacular ever since)


vol. 1
vol. 2

in search of fullness

One of the joys of spacing our children 17 years apart (as if that was some master plan executed with precision) has been the variety of issues and stages we get the privilege of juggling in the course of any given evening.

For example, the other night in the period of an hour I: texted the adult child a quick hello making sure she knows I am thinking of her, talked down an over-tired five year old from her ledge of insanity, worked on a craft with the eleven year old ... All while looking at college entrance requirements with an eighteen year old and planning her departure from Haiti and the start of her new life.

Something about the juxtaposition of the irrational and crying child that will be staying another dozen years  - while sitting with the calm and pleasant child that is soon planning to leave forever  - well, it just burns a little bit.

I am a confessed early griever and a shameless one at that.  Recently Troy and I sat on the upper patio of our home in the pitch dark discussing our children and their current needs. When he talked about the three middles and wondered aloud if they might one day be ready to head out all at the same time, I burst into involuntary tears. Eight short years from now three more will be leaving. Waaaaah. A few nights removed from that ridiculous outburst I believe it was transference of Paige grief and not actually a world-record-setting early grief session.

The process of choosing and applying to and waiting on replies from colleges has been eye-opening.  Maybe it isn't actually as troubling as it seems to us, maybe it is just us and our grouchy annoyance with the systems we're observing from our safe distance. 

When we visited a bunch of institutions of higher learning last April, I wrote this:

I am reflecting on the three "official" tours we have had so far.  It seems like the point is to sell a "college experience" more than a "college EDUCATION".  If I were to come in as a foreigner that knew nothing about the American higher education system I would leave the tour thinking that the four most important things about choosing a school are:
1. The food 2. The comforts and accommodations of the housing/dorms 3. The recreational facilities and options (HELLO - HOW can I possibly go to a school with no rock  climbing wall?) 4. Sports and sporting events

The tours have literally been 90% about food, housing, and entertainment. I keep waiting for someone to tell me about the academics -about the quality education - about the depth of character that will be built - the integrity .... the amazing professors ... something. 

The tour guides keep saying things are "free" ... I am fighting my tongue and forcing myself not to be 'that guy'.  (Am I the only one that thinks the large student fees and large college tuition plus room and board is real money that is really being paid and therefore things aren't so much free as they are "covered in your fees and tuition"?) They say: 'tickets to sporting events are free'.  I think: 'tickets to sporting events are included in your $20,000  - $35,000+ a year cost'.

I'm not attempting to be offensive, it is more of a head-scratching moment for me right now.  Do American parents care that much about how nice the stinkin dorm room is and how many options their kid will have for dinner?  Is a wide variety of food choices and a large bedroom what our 18 year olds need the most? Am I the only cynical curmudgeonly jerk that doesn't get it - or is that weird?

We came home somewhat disenchanted after those tours. A few months later we began the application process. "Let's try to gain acceptance at one of those places we mocked", we said.

As we settled into waiting on a reply, we had multiple discussions about our inherent value and the truth that fitting into the box of academia doesn't a success story make. We talked about the cost of higher education and how the cost needs to be weighed against the outcome. We reiterated that being accepted or rejected by some admissions department at some university has nothing to do with how smart, capable, lovable, or valuable any one of us are.  It has a lot more to do with fitting in their box. We talked about the gift of how uniquely individual we are. We talked about the self-congratulatory self-perpetuating systems that we are entrenched in and beholden to in some ways.

American culture (knowingly or unknowingly) teaches that big name schools and big deal degrees make us important. We even created a Christian category of "prestigious" schools; prestige as unto the Lord. Hallelujah. Upon graduation, the quality of one's character is important, but not nearly as important as the name of the university engraved on the diploma. 

This probably sounds like a whole lot of generalizing on my part, and maybe it is, but the proof of the underlying tension I felt throughout the whole process became evident when we received a copy of a letter written on Paige's behalf. 

The letter was written as a favor out of kindness. A person that loves and knows Paige very well knows a person with pull at a certain christian university.  The person with pull writes a letter about Paige to a person with even more pull. That is the system. We scoff at it, all the while we actively participate in it.  (No wonder I always feel dirty. All this time I was blaming the Port au Prince dust.) 

The information presented about Paige to the letter writer shared a few basic key facts:  a good student, solid grades, SAT score, hard working, flexible.  It also went deeper: has lived cross culturally, has cared for desperately ill and malnourished children, has acted as a doula for teenage mothers in labor, has served others repeatedly.  Somewhere down the resume there was a list of translating jobs Paige has had over the last three years. Included in the list was the translating job she did one day for Miley Cyrus. 

When a copy of the letter recommending Paige was sent to her after the fact, we read it with surprise and slight embarrassment. It said a few accurate things about living in Haiti - listed the timeline of her months spent in the community where the university is located and then added, "She even translated for Oprah Winfrey." We laughed our heads off at that and wondered how in the world Miley turned into Oprah.  A bit more disconcerting than that though, we noted that the value was not placed on Paige's history of serving the hurting in Haiti. Instead of highlighting difficult work with an unknown little boy, it made mention of her single day gig turning English into Kreyol, for a famous person.  

<Sigh.>

Jesus walked the earth totally disinterested in power and fame. He hung out with the hungry, the dirty, the undesired. He showed us that we are to concern ourselves more with the unnamed orphan than the famously named Oprah.  

The truth is, we aren't as much like Jesus as we hope to be. I'm painfully aware of this in myself. We seek approval from the wrong places, for the wrong things. We want worldly validation. Even though a lot of us grew up hearing wording such as- " We are made in His image", "fearfully and wonderfully made", "God's own possession", "We have an inheritance",  "He died for us, we have infinite worth" - we also heard equally clear and even louder messages about what it takes to be successful and important in this world. Rich, powerful, educated at big-deal places, and famous is where it's at - if you cannot be that then strive to mimic it as best you can. It is taught overtly and it is taught subtly. I hear it taught to children when a woman says "I'm just a mom" or a friend says, "I only went to community college." I see it taught when we idolize certain people, elevating them to a higher plane. 

Most of us don't live in the fullness of the value God's love and sacrifice alone gives us. We don't need embossed papers from big-deal universities or lofty titles to be God's workmanship and pride. 

If nothing else, this process these last many months has been a reminder to me to actively live the truth of my worth and inheritance, and in concrete ways, with carefully chosen words and actions, exhibit that truth to my children. 

bullet point update

• Just updated the summer-school teacher request, we added a few details - see here.
• The young woman here has begun to accept the news of her virus. Thanks for praying, please keep praying for her.
• Beth is in the USA taking important midwifery exams. We're all excited for her and praying she crushes those tests. The kids sang a little song (video above) we penned in less than two minutes (evident??) to encourage her as she left  - nothing better than having your son ask "So, what is prolonged rupture of membranes anyway mom?" - Don't ask questions, son, - just.sing.
• Words:
  placenta pelvis preeclampsia previa pregnancy palpate posterior pitocin pregnancy prenatal progesterone prolonged rupture of membranes presentation prolapsed cord these things begin with P - a lot of things in midwifery being with P - and we are PRAYING for you to have PEACE! 
• Melissa (one of our preceptors - another P!) is making time to go over things I am studying and I must confess I never ever imagined the discussing of cervical dilation would be a hot topic in my life, but as it turns out, I was wrong. Melissa is a great teacher. We're currently waiting on Marie Fusenie and Yvette to deliver. Both are due late Feb/early March.

• If you are a midwife (CNM, LM, CPM) with experience in a developing country (cannot take a student at this time) and have interest in serving a month or so in Haiti this year, please write to me (Tara) at livesayfamily@gmail.com  -  thanks! 
• The Ed'H peeps (electric company) dropped by a bill so large I could have flown all the kids to Florida for a nice lunch and spent less.  I wish that was hyperbole. Then, they also cut our house from the access to the city power at the exact moment they brought the bill. Not really sure how that works.  I guess we are supposed to know we owe them before they tell us. This guarantees that Troy will spend most of Tuesday trying to get them paid and over here to reconnect. When the batteries die the kids wake up -  there is not anything we can do to give them their fans/bug protection (and the white noise to drown out rooster farm) back.  Family time at 3am, not a parental favorite. If Dr. Jen were here I'd be requesting doctor approved sleeping enhancements stat. (Yes, "needing" fans is a bit of a first world demand, and yes we are the privileged to even have the ability to miss them.)

six weeks of mercy: help wanted

EDIT - See bottom (in red) for further information.

Every spring, same thing, then, more same thing. Broken record.

If the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again while expecting a different result, we think it has been proven we are suffering from a severe case of insanity.

This June there are eleven babies due and a lot more going on at Heartline Ministries. This will mean irritable parents on the very best of days. It is bound to be a perfect storm of sorts.We realize these five lards need a little direction and structure.  (Their regular school year ends mid-May.)

Hear this now. 
For summer 2013 we are trying something different. PLEASE share with your favorite brilliant and adventurous teacher-friends!

Help Wanted:

• Summer school teacher position available in Haiti (school and lots of play/fun)
• June 1 to July 15 - five days a week - 6ish to 7ish hours a day (as close to these dates as possible)
• Five kids - ages 11, 11, 9, 6, 5  ... no Paige :(
• Requirements: some sort of teaching experience, energetic, flexible, creative, and fun 
• Serious inquiries with references only, please.
• Small salary plus free housing 
• Prefer 22 years of age and older - open to married couple or singles - no*kids please 
• (*yes, yes, we see the hypocrisy and irony of that)

If interested please email: livesayfamily@gmail.com by March 15 - will contact all applicants by March 20, 2013.


The more we have thought about this the more we think a young married couple is ideal. Our concern for singles is that the job is only 5 days a week for 7 hours a day. There will be a lot of down time meaning it could be lonely or boring or both.  We're thinking two people will enjoy the free time to get involved elsewhere and be adventurous together.  

If you are interested in hearing more, please email us and we'll send the details.

The ideal candidates have: experienced life with faulty infrastructure - LOVE heat ... like really, really love it - enjoy sweating and damp or soaking undergarments - like talkative kids with multiple interests and unique personalities - and are self-starters. 

calling for climate change

(if you love people. this is worth your time. please watch and listen.)

The current climate in my soul is that of dead winter.

I am walking around frustrated and discouraged with things far beyond my direct control. I am tired of my role as a bystander. Systems of abuse and people that refuse to see and do anything about them are crushing my hope of late. Deep and systematic social, cultural problems seem to be calling from multiple directions. I'm doing a cruddy job of giving them to God in prayer.

(Yes, I know this is all ambigious and that being vauge like this is annoying.)

So many things are troubling me right now. In the "barf format" I give you these snippets of some of my frustration of late ...

Christian is a label people use to cover them from questions. It frequently means nothing.  I don't acutally want to be called that anymore, myself. Untold numbers of people raise funds and have 'programs' they are running that are bs and at times even abusive but if you call it that you are seen as a cynical jerk. So, instead we all sit politely with our hands in our lap biting the inside of our cheeks to keep from gossiping or calling it what it is in order to handle it lovingly - you know, like Jesus.  I openly admit that right now I am pretty tired of being loving to expats that come oppress Haiti.  I'm not entirely sure that some of my past choices to remain quiet will be very pleasing to my Maker. I may have to explain my politeness someday.

Martin Luther King said,  "In the end what will hurt the most is not the words of our enemies but the silence of our friends" ...  That quote is screaming truth to me lately. This Christian Jesus lover and follower does not want to join the oppressors with my silence.

Dear God, please bring Spring.

It isn't that they cannot see the solution. 

It is that they cannot see the problem. 

-G.K. Chesterton

when positive is negative and denial is powerful

"I don't live in Cite anymore. Now where I live everyone is negative. I don't go out at night."

Okay. We understand that. But, the test we did was positive. The follow up test at the Doctor's office was too.

"No. Pa gen viris sa (don't have that virus) I feel good. I am not sick.  I can eat. People that have the virus cannot eat."

Okay. We understand you don't believe. We want to explain this.

"I don't believe." 
"Maybe from getting my nails done downtown. I do that sometimes." 
"No. I don't think it is true."

You can feel fine and still be HIV positive. It is important to make decisions and to know the truth before your baby is born. 

"My daughter she is not sick - it cannot be true."

Maybe you can go for another test to check and see if this is right. 

"If I have it I want to tell my mother myself. I'll go for another test, but I don't have it." 


Let's start with another test at a specialty program on Thursday. 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

So much of the difficulty is not related to dealing with the actual disease. There are programs that offer the medicine free of charge. The greatest difficulty lies in cultural misconceptions, lack of truth, and fear of condemnation.  Acceptance takes time. We hope that truth and love will prevail.

Madi gra ~ lage ko'w

This is the full application of lage-ing our ko (letting yourself go) la (here) epi(and) the total extent of the revelry practiced here at Kay Livesay. Happy Fat Tuesday.
Holla!


photo credit: Paige N. Porter 2013

linking you

Short term missions advice from the author of Toxic Charity: 

Read it HERE. 

Word. 

ISAACUMEN (vol. 2)

This photo captures the essence of Isaac ... Our people-loving, smiley peacekeeper.

• "I am thinking about studying the history of cathedrals. But only after I study the ten most predatory animals."
• (to Paige) "I cannot believe you were THAT young when Monsters Inc. came out. You sure are becoming more ancient."
• "Wart.Waaarrt." (long pause) "That is a weird word."
• "I don't ever want blocked tear ducts - I wonder how you prevent that?"
• (to Troy) "Did they have lots of new words when you were learning spelling - or words that were combinations of words like smoke and fog - so like was smog a word when you were a kid?"
  Troy - "Yes, smog was a word when I was a kid - I am not that old."
  "Oh, I thought maybe that one started on 9/11"
  
  
  
  

you say you care about the poor ...

My friend D.L. is hosting a series of posts called "War Photographers" on her website. She is asking hard questions (of herself especially) about how we share the stories of others, and how we do that with respect. In the last year writing stories about others has become more difficult because of the hard questions. These questions are important to ask, important to wrestle with and examine. I loved this post on her blog today, you can read it in its entierty HERE. (Below are powerful excerpts.)

"My supposedly prophetic photography, which I dreamed could one day change the world, was doing nothing but showing the ugly surface and ignoring everything underneath. I was taking the assumptions and fears of everyone who I hoped would see the truth, and showed them only what they expected:

Look how poor our community is.

Look how dirty and run-down our buildings are.

Look how hopeless and dangerous our youth are.

Look how rough a place the city is."

~       ~       ~

"So how do we do all this? I still don’t really know yet. I’m still trying to learn how to do it well. But I do know what I’m striving for:

Where the world sees poverty, we want it to see a different sort of richness.

Where the world sees violence, we want it to see people longing for peace.

Where the world sees crime, we want it to see neighbors looking out for each other.

Where the world sees brokenness, we want it to see stories of hope and strength.

Where the world sees destruction, we want it to see signs of God’s redemption.

Amidst the darkness, we want the world to see the Kingdom."

~      ~      ~      ~

(reposting, originally posted here in 2011)

"You say you care about the poor.

Then tell me, what are their names?"

Gustavo Gutierrez

There are so many topics that are touchy and difficult to write about. I usually avoid speaking/writing with force about them in order to dodge any conflict that may arise as a result.  I hate internet word wars .... But more than that I hate when people misunderstand and jump to conclusions.  Discussion is great, but it seems that things tend to deteriorate quickly. 

The fights people have on line would never happen if they were standing face to face because we're all way more polite, gracious, and non-confrontational in real life. In face to face interaction it rarely happens that if you disagree with someone you jump them with the boldness that happens on line.

All that to say - Bringing up the book, "When Helping Hurts" and writing about Short Term Missions caused a little ruffling of feathers. It wasn't meant to put anyone on the defensive;  but it did anyway.  C'est la vie. In this case, I think it needs to be said and it was worth the conflict. That post was meant to make us think. It is not actually all about us and what makes us feel good.

Lately I find myself frustrated with some of the problems we create when we come to "help the poor" and that post was born of that frustration.  I dislike a lot of what happens between the poor and the people that come to help. I get squirmy and uncomfortable with the 'great white hope' attitude and the Santa Claus stuff that goes on. I don't think there is anything wrong with examining our own motives and asking hard questions about the things we do.

I'm struggling a bit with what I perceive as exploitation of people.  I recognize in some of the things we've done over the years (especially very early on) a bit of an air of superiority. I'd go so far as to say that in the past Troy and I have done things that I would now say robbed people of their dignity in that moment. I wish I could go back and undo a few of the things I've done, said, and thought.

I also feel a resentment growing toward others who don't seem to consider the feelings and position of those they come to "help" - nor do they ever allow their approach to be questioned without great offense. Truthfully, I desire to be far more gracious toward the people doing these things and I don't want to resent anyone. 

No matter what you've done in the past when on a short or longer term trip abroad - try to be open to this question. I ask that you honestly (without defensiveness) consider this and how you would react to it ...

You are with a friend of yours and a couple of your kids (or if you don't have kids you are watching someone's kids) and you've gone to run a few errands one morning.  At Target you notice a woman taking photos of the kids from about 15 yards away.  Later, you've stopped at the grocery store and you turn around to see five or six people taking photos of your friend and the kids.  That afternoon as you return home you look down your driveway to see someone else standing there taking a photo of your house.  You go to bed, the next morning you walk out of your house looking ragged in sweats and an old shirt. As you are walking your dog a truck full of people you've never seen before ride by and they all start snapping your photo.

Yesterday on facebook, out of totally curiosity, I asked this question - I ask it of you now:

Would you be okay with strangers taking your picture(or of your kids or family) while you were out and about minding your business, doing life?

Here are a few of the replies I got in response:

- I really don't know. I think they'd need to ask for permission first, but then they'd need a good reason. If they wanted a picture of clothing I'm wearing, a purse I'm carrying, shoes, etc so they can go home and find the same, then ok. If they have a valid reason maybe. I'm not a mom yet, but I'm pretty sure I won't ever be ok with someone just randomly taking pictures of my children, for any reason.

- That's tough. Normally I would say no, but I'm fine with people who are obviously traveling or when the new refugee families come to our city they want tons of pictures of everyday life stuff (often involving our family) and that doesn't bother me cuz I know it's new and exciting. I definitely wouldn't want to if I wasn't asked though or if it was someone I didn't know at all.

- Do you mean obviously focusing on my family or me? I frequently get people in my photographs that I don't necessarily mean to, but they are there when I snap the pic. But deliberately focusing? I would not really like that. However, what are they planning on doing with it? I would not like to be used in a media sense.

- No! We've had that happen before & I was shocked. I will not let it happen anymore.

- Absolutely NOT, my children are not exhibits and I would not hesitate one bit to let whoever know that taking their pictures without consent is not appreciated.my son s daycare have a very strict policy on that, parents are not allowed to videotape,take pictures on school grounds.    

- NO! If you have the responsability of having a camera and want to take shots. You NEED to approach and ask, can I take a picture of your child on the swing for an article. OR for a art show. Otherwise NO!!

- That's a tough one. We are constantly approached here for a "photo" Sometimes I agree sometimes not. I can't even tell you why I make the choice that I do...When we first came I "obliged" now after having our photos taken a gillion times, ...I mostly say no. However, what I do not like is when we are walking and ppl take out their phones and "steal" our photo. Then again, I "steal" photos of random ppl here...so, what to do?  

- Well, it is the paparazzi that drives me nuts. I just wish they would stop following me. lol. No, I wouldn't like it. But I did it in Haiti the first time I went and never thought once about my actions. Rude! I was an ignorant tourist the first time for sure! 

- definitely not okay...we have the cell phone picture taking issue here too. way too much of a security risk in the country we live. Maybe more of us should think about it before we take pictures of others???

~~~~~~~~

I'm not debating the ability for photos to tell a story and to draw people in. I know that the world saw Haiti after the earthquake and that the images moved people to respond. There are most certainly times where photos tell a story.  We ourselves have shared many stories with photos. We are not claiming we know where the line is - we are simply aware that there IS a line. 

Obviously within relationships and with permission it is a entirely different ballgame.  

I only know that I am uncomfortable with a lot of what happens here and embarrassed that visitors with fancy cameras often disrespect the Haitian people, sticking the camera in their face without greeting them, without any thought. There seems to be a real attitude of entitlement. (When large groups all have their cameras out, I hide. I cannot watch it.) 

Before these were my friends, before these were people I knew, people I loved, people I respected, I took photographs without much thought. I shared photographs without much thought. Now that these are not just "poor people" but REAL PEOPLE, I take and share fewer photographs. 
Remember, when you come here for a week you are one of many MANY snapping photos. (The number of groups in and out of Haiti is mind-boggling. Being 700 miles from FL ... 200,000 one+week visitors a year is the number being tossed around.)  I'm thinking if we all stopped and put ourselves on the other side of the camera for a moment, we might take very different photographs.

~        ~       ~

Does a post like this hit you wrong? Does it cause defensiveness or examination? I would love to hear your thoughts if you're willing to share.

ISAACUMEN*

Chin meets cement corner ~ no contest for guy smiley.

"I am really starting to like the word serendipitous."

"If you run into an anaconda, do.not. harass it."

"I have a question. Why do your eyes make tears only when you're sad?"

"What is the origin of the word animosity?"

"Have a good day, may God be with you, Mama." (every.single.morning.)

"Thank you for teaching us, Mr. Jimmy." (every.single.afternoon.)

"What is the root word of the word protocol?"


*Intallment 1 of ISAACUMEN (isaac acumen) - more to come.

Alo Papa - Nou vle konnen ou

Thanks to a small group in Texas that worked together, four boxes of these arrived yesterday!  

We have been reading the Jesus Storybook Bible to our kids for a few years. They never grow tired of the beautiful way the stories are told.  (See the precious paraphrase of the  Lord's Prayer from JSB in English here.) 

We are excited to share this stunningly beautiful book with our Haitian family. 

From JSB:
"No, the Bible isn’t a list of rules, or a book of heroes.  The Bible is most of all a Story.  It’s an adventure story about a young Hero who comes from a far country to win back his lost treasure.  It’s a love story about a brave Prince who leaves his palace, his throne–everything–to rescue the one he loves.  It’s like the most wonderful of fairy tales that has come true in real life! There are lots of stories in the Bible, but all the stories are telling one Big Story.  The Story of how God loves his children and comes to rescue them."

Alo Papa! Nou vle konnen ou epi rete tou pre ou. 
Souple montre nou kijan. 

Hello Father! We want to know you and stay close to you. 
Please show us how.