... and john is not your average ANYTHING. I have no idea how she does it.
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I have blogger block. I can't write right now for some reason. We're sad today as my parents leave. They have no idea when they will next see the kids and that always makes goodbyes so much harder. It means a lot to us that they came down to love on us. We were able to fill them in on lots of stuff that just cannot be shared over email or telephone ... lots of tears (and laughs) this weekend. Happy Memorial Day to those of you in the USA.
Tess brought massive ED'H (electricity of haiti) hours when she arrived last Friday. She left today and so did the electricity. After a week of 16 hours a day we are on hour 26 without it.
Most expats in Haiti spend a lot of time trying to make sense of the schedule and come up with theories and ideas about WHY they have electricity or why they don't. (Assuming that there must be some really good reason for it to come and go when it does.)
The other night I said, "Weird we still have electricity." Troy replied, "Yeah. Because it rained." I questioned him but he stuck to his theory. He believes if it rains they don't come to work to turn it off. And then if it rains when it is OFF, they also don't come turn it ON.
Just when you begin to count on the schedule (about five or six days into a consistent pattern) - it changes ... and the cycle of figuring it out begins again.
Some people play Bingo, others Poker, some watch sports or bowl in a leauge ... in Haiti we play "Guess when the electricity will show up."
Tara's parents got in yesterday. Tess is with us for just one more day. :( We're soaking up their presence and enjoying the time we have together.
We've never tactfully figured out a way to blog about how easily people just wanting to help out- can get taken for a ride if they're not careful ... it happens a lot. Tony Campolo did a decent job here. Check it out. (And check the work of the people you donate to.)
Edit to add - I am not really sure I think it is a great article now ... see comments.
I know lots of you are praying people - quickly wanted to ask for prayers. Please pray for Paige's dad, Paul, who is having major surgery right now - for a successful surgery and smooth recovery. Merci Anpil !
Flag Day was totally uneventful. It was a non-work day in Haiti. We had big aspirations for family fun - but then we remembered that the idea of going out with all the kids - is way more fun than the reality. And staying home costs less!
Paige did homework while Tess played with kids. Troy worked on Medika Mamba tracking and promotion and computer and plumbing issues. I argued with Citi Bank and tried to fill out forms and meet requirements for proving health appointments and bills in a country that scribbles on a piece of paper and calls it an invoice.
I am trying to convince the folks at our health care co-op that we just don't roll all official and uptight here in Haiti. Napkins count as official documents and credit card receipts are about as specific and itemized as a Doc is going to get. It says what we paid and the Doctor's name. Good enough right? I actually said in my cover letter, "The Doctor smoked and took phone calls while cutting large chunks of flesh out of my chest. I think an itemized American-style bill might be more than we can expect." Hopefully they can lower their expectations and reimburse us the Benjamins.
After Sloppy Joes and rice and beans for dinner, the babies fought for attention from Troy - and I captured this small piece of a game of Hop on Pop. *That* is the wrap up of Flag Day 2009.
Please forgive us for the topless chicks.
Two more sleeps until Grandma and Grandpa get here. 7 days of school left.
More information about Medika Mamba and how you can get involved soon ...
Our opinions are not super relevant - they might be somewhat informed, but even that is up for debate. We're visitors here and we cannot possibly understand all the politics and history undercurrents and issues - there are too many layers.
We hear opinions, so we'll share what we're hearing.
The election was a month ago already. Hardy anyone voted. Most here don't believe it matters. That is proven just by the turn-out. Jeronne said if Troy were running she would vote, but since he was not she had no interest. I thought that was a brilliant brown-nosing move on her part ... she has never voted at age 36.
On Saturday a woman who has lived here 30 years said she hates to say it but things were best when Haiti was a dictatorship. She misses Baby Doc. We listened and she shared her reasons for feeling that way. We've heard that before but are uncertain how popular that belief is.
Another very well educated older Haitian man doing work with an NGO in Haiti said that "Haitians don't know how to do freedom with responsibility" - he went on to explain that further with very convincing reasoning.
The election cost 16 million dollars. About 10% of the population turned out to vote. No winners were declared due to close margins. 16 million dollars. Ugh.
Here are some links to other expat election photos and observations:
The day we went out to the U.S. Navy ship last month we were able to watch the cargo ships that come into the port with deliveries. We learned that the rice arrives and is then bagged right here in Port au Prince. If you look closely at the third photo you can see the rice in the yellow crane with the orange scooper being lowered to the area where they bag it up for distribution. There was a time Haiti did not need rice from other countries. Local farmers could not compete with prices of imported/subsidized rice and now there is no easy way to reverse the country's dependence upon it.
Occasionally I have the opportunity to lead worship at our church here in Port au Prince. The church is called Port au Prince Fellowship – we have Sunday services in English – the congregation is made up of Haitian nationals, missionary families, and other humanitarian workers and business people.
It is an honor and a privilege to lead God’s people in acts of worship and service to Him. I am always grateful and humbled by the opportunity, and I find it very fulfilling. (I realize that music isn’t everyone’s gift or preferred way of getting close to God - and sometimes I’m uncomfortable with the way we’ve decided to make it the primary and sometimes only method of worship within the church – but I digress.)
I’ve seen other ‘worship-type’ people (to use John McHoul language) blogging about their ‘set-lists’ from Sunday services and find it to be very interesting and educational. I doubt the same is true of everyone reading this so I’ll leave it out.
One thing I often notice when looking at the worship list from other churches is how short they are. We’re usually in the nine to ten song category, which is apparently a lot. Not that there is any proper length of service rules or anything like that – but in my opinion when a body of believers gathers together for the purpose of worshiping our Creator and Savior there should be some serious time spent in the act of worship.
A lot of this is due to the cultural differences between the US and Haiti and the different viewpoints on time. Sometimes those differences drive us nuts but in this case I think the ‘hot-climate culture’ way of ignoring time-frames and schedules may be a good thing…at least for me and my love for worshiping through music. I have to confess to checking my watch on Sunday mornings in the past and squirming in my seat if the service was running over because I needed to get home for the game or to the restaurant before the rush or whatever.
When I was in Texas recently I drove past the famous ‘drive-through’ church that offers a 30-minute worship service. In-and-out church for those on the go. I’ve read and heard that there are good things going on there – and that’s great – but I don’t think it is for me. For me, the music and worship part of the service is equally as important as the message or sermon. It is when I am often able to truly commune with God and experience worship in spirit and truth…and I like that to last as long as possible.
(Note: the pastor of the 30 minute church has totally legit reasons that I’ll post in the comments later – I don’t mean to criticize them specifically – rather I think we should look at our attitude towards church services and what it means to really worship.)
Many times in our church we truly experience the presence of the Holy Spirit and an anointing on the gathering of believers. This last Sunday there were prayers voiced before the service that we would experience some of heaven on earth that day and I believe it happened. It was awesome to be a part of it. I wish it could have gone on for hours longer, because I didn’t want to leave that place – sensing the power and presence of God while worshiping Him and putting our spiritual selves out there above and before the physical. That sense of heaven on earth depends on us and our condition and reaction to God’s presence more than what building we’re in or how long our service is or how many songs we do or who we’re worshiping with. We’re called to be worshippers and bring the Kingdom to wherever we are.
It dawned on me later in the day that I don’t think we are supposed to leave ‘that place’ at all. Our lives are not our own – we have been purchased at a very high price and saved from paying the penalties of our sin – we don’t deserve a bit of it but through God’s grace and Christ’s sacrifice our debts are paid. What other response could there be but to live a life full of worship, praise, and thanksgiving?
I know I am preaching to the choir to a certain extent, but in this case I think our choir has grown too silent and distracted to remember that we are a choir called out to magnificent purposes: to use our lives to praise the Creator, to bring His Kingdom here on earth as it is in heaven, to be the salt and light of the earth, and to join with the angels in singing God’s praises. Whoa, still preaching I guess. Enough of that – time to worship Him – in whatever way connects your soul to His – whether it be singing or playing or writing or reading or jumping or running or meditating or dancing or painting or driving or anything – He’s made us all differently and it’s okay that we all have our different ways of worshiping and connecting to Him…He already knows that so let loose and be a worshiper.
I’m really done. Now go – you’ve stayed your hour. -Troy
We're off for an adventure in a bit. Hoping to avoid situations like the one pictured above. Troy is a better video game driver than most, so I am sure we'll be fine. (People often describe driving here as similar to video game driving.) Close your eyes and hope for the best!
It has never been as fun since you got all grownz up and left our pad. We think about you daily. We know it must kind of be lame to miss out on excitement that you were once centrally involved in ... and we hope you know you're both missed and adored by your many siblings and your parents. Sending Hugs to you and Chris in Waco now... With all our love, M&D P-I-H-N-P-L Peanut
(Photo Haiti - Spring 2006)
Yesterday after school Paige had her second lesson. Ike and Lydie got to take their turn coming along to see horses. Isaac took the whole hour to warm up enough to touch the horses. When I asked him if he was afraid he said, "No I am not afraid!" - as he jumped a mile high because a horse a couple feet away moved. Do any of you experts know the best places on line to buy riding boots and a helmet for Paige? She thinks it is nasty to wear the community helmet and I cannot say that I disagree with her. Sweating profusely into a helmet and handing it to the next guy is pretty gross. Hey, check out that spot on Troy's head - I gave him a sub-par haircut the other night. Oops. Little mistake behind the ear. The nice thing is, the other side matches.A person we know well called us on Sunday. After trading the usual pleasantries they got to the point. They found a house. They really like it. They want us to buy it for them. Troy was thinking that they might be leading into asking for a 5K or 6K house - he was preparing his words to tell them we were not in a position to do that ... but then the ask came. They found a five bedroom house near Delmas 19 - and we can buy it for them for $120,000 USD. Cough. Cough. Troy just said "NO" - he did not bother with any long drawn out pleasant ways to say no. There is a bit of a misunderstanding of middle class wealth - you are either a millionaire a few times over, or you've got nothing. Apparently we're millionaires a few times over. Perception is reality. The person on the phone does not believe us when we say we cannot buy a house for them. They think we WON'T buy a house for them. (Which, incidentally is also true.)
It is 6:01 and someone is pounding on our gate. I better go. Women's Program today, but not until after we get an exhilarating Port au Prince run in this morning. Tess comes tomorrow, everyone is very excited, especially Paige. (Tess lived with us for five months in 2008 and helped us so much.)
Is there something about your lives and work currently that you wish your friends and family could 'just get' but is difficult to communicate without walking in your shoes?
Our close friends and family are really understanding about our lives and our work. They are incredibly supportive, and almost all of them have been to China and understand first-hand what it is we do. But, if I were to pick something, I would say that most people (not necessarily talking about close friends/family) don't understand what working so closely to deep suffering, loss, and injustice does to a person. Experiencing this reality has really changed the way we think about God. Our faith is less black and white than it used to be. We're more comfortable with unanswered questions and ambiguity than most people. Sometimes when we share something we've seen and experienced (like grappling with a child's death), people try to respond with things that they think will make us feel better -- like "Well, God needed another angel!" I used to think that way, but I don't really anymore... without getting into a big theological discussion, I'll just say that we've learned nothing is simple and black and white. We can't easily explain-away the pain and suffering we see in the world with some discussion about "God's will." At one time we thought we could, but that was before pain and suffering was something we personally saw on a daily basis. So, it is hard when people don't understand what it's like to live with that reality on a daily basis. Also, sometimes (when I'm in the USA), I find myself in conversations where people are talking about things that I don't really care about anymore... I'm not judging them; it's just that I realize there's a giant gulf between who I was and who I am now.
The last few months were difficult ones for our family. It is beginning to feel like we're coming out on the other side in a healthier place though. We could not share too much, it turns out not everything in life is world wide web material.
There were some real struggles to work through and some healing that needed to be started. Ultimately we needed to accept that things are not always what we pray and hope for them to be... Sometimes quite the opposite.When you figure that out you have to rethink your understanding of prayer and God.
We moved down here expecting God to answer all our prayers and provide for us in very specific ways. We romanticized what coming here would mean and we expected to always be safe from spiritual or personal attack. In truth, we confess we had a little bit of an attitude of entitlement - thinking, "Do you see me? I came here - I think you owe me this Lord - protect me from all the bad stuff."
That was totally cracked theology for sure, but when some of our prayers were not answered we were hit with a bit of a crisis of our faith. After going through the difficult stuff; fearing future trouble became the challenge. (Thinking- God did not hear me and He won't likely hear my next request either.) All of a sudden we were in a cycle of worrying a lot and sinking into fearful places. Playing a game of "something bad is probably going to happen" in your head won't help if or when the something bad happens. That is just more cracked thinking.
We've changed our view of what following Christ means. It no longer means total protection and all answered prayers. It does mean walking in His love minute to minute, hour to hour, and day to day. Not looking too far ahead or obsessing about the past.
It sometimes means facing things we prayed we would not face and loving God anyway. It means trusting Him to help us get through the crappy parts of life and believing that He can turn hurt into healing and bad into good and maybe even sorrow into joy.
It is not needing to get the WHY of it all the time; or even most of the time. In the light and in the dark we need Christ. The dark times bring desperation. We need his presence in pain, His strength where we are weak and His peace and forgiveness. I shake my fist at Him in the morning and fall on my knees crying in the evening, and He patiently and lovingly accepts both.
Every day is a new chance to see people the way He sees them. We want to be loving, we want to be forgiving; yet we're human and struggle with bitterness and frustration. What we want to be and who we are does not always connect. Daily we're given a new opportunity to be patient and kind. We hope to look at each person with His eyes, knowing there is a story we don't understand. Rather than feel frustration with lack of progress , we want to stick with it, keep trying, just the way He is sticking with us.
For however long we remain here, we hope to see people with His eyes ... and ourselves as people that are not owed an easy life - but in spite of the challenges are still able to love wherever He plants us.
"Give me your eyes for just one second Give me your eyes so I can see Everything that I keep missing Give me your love for humanity Give me your arms for the broken hearted - Ones that are far beyond my reach. Give me your heart for the ones forgotten Give me your eyes so I can see.
Brandon Heath - Give Me Your Eyes
Looked down from a broken sky Traced out by the city lights My world from a mile high Best seat in the house tonight Touched down on the cold black tile Hold on for the sudden stop Breathe in the familiar shock Of confusion and chaos Are those people going somewhere? Why have I never cared?
Chorus Give me your eyes for just one second Give me your eyes so I can see Everything that I keep missing Give me your love for humanity Give me your arms for the broken hearted The ones that are far beyond my reach Give me your heart for the once forgotten Give me your eyes so I can see yeah .. yeah .. yeah .. yeah
Step out on a busy street See a girl and our eyes meet Does her best to smile at me To hide whats underneath There’s a man just to her right Black suit and a bright red tie To ashamed to tell his wife He’s out of work He’s buying time Are those people going somewhere? Why have I never cared?
Chorus Give me your eyes for just one second Give me your eyes so I can see Everything that I keep missing Give me your love for humanity Give me your arms for the broken hearted The ones that are far beyond my reach Give me your heart for the once forgotten Give me your eyes so I can see yeah .. yeah .. yeah .. yeah
I’ve been there a million times A couple of million eyes Just moving past me by I swear I never thought that I was wrong Well I want a second glance So give me a second chance To see the way you see the people all alone
For some reason, the naked back lady with giant booty and hair in a bun paintings are big in our area of town. We've not yet purchased one though. We saw that someone got to our blog by googling "Haitian Babes" and another by "Naked Haitian Girls" so we thought we'd add yet another category to draw all the total pervs in as new readers.
Today I will be helping Beth make John very mad by getting rid of massive amounts of his crap. We are cleaning out "his room". He is already in full pout mode, but it matters not. We MUST get that room ready before the influx of summer guests. I will be pulling samples of what sorts of things he finds it necessary to save. On Saturday I opened a random drawer and found a letter from voter registration about the 2004 election. *That* was certainly something he needs to hold on to forever and ever. He said he was holding on to it because he still hasn't decided yet. For all of you who find John a peculiar specimen, I will happily reinforce that belief while completing today's project.
We have been trying to plan a few nights away from our tribe to reconnect and regroup. I think we have called John Ackerman for advice thirty-four times. We have discussed it and looked at rates and attempted to *just make a decision already!* for a few weeks. We asked the boss-types at both ministries if we could go ... But we were not booking anything ... enough research time had been spent to ask each other "are we doing this or just talking about doing it?" We were feeling guilty and unsure about spending money on a hotel when it is not even really our money... And yada yada yada.
At the same time we really want - no NEED - to spend some time together SOON without. any. children. There are so many times that we start talking and never finish -- the most oft spoken words here are "What was I saying before ____ interupted?"
Large families are a gift - I know we are blessed - don't hear me misunderstanding my own blessings - but it SO tough to find any pockets of time to really connect with your spouse in the middle of the chaos of Haiti and so many little ones.
To the point ... we are going to the Dominican Republic ALONE to a gorgeous hotel for four nights in June!!!!!!
The Hyatts (adoptive family, friends, encouragement team) gave us their hotel points that cover the entire hotel stay. We are beyond giddy. Who even knows what we might say to each other over that stretch of no-children-everywhere-you-look time. I bet other things besides deep conversation could happen easily too. I hear they pretty regularly use this fancy gadget over there called "air conditioning".
CAN'T WAIT! (Anticipation is half the fun, agree?)
(Plus - between now and then Tess (Big Tuna) AND my parents are coming to see us.)
I never look back on the blog unless I am trying to find something. I don't like to because I get annoyed with my own view of things sometimes. I know that sounds stupid, but that is only because it is. Tonight I went in search of Jeronne's story and was surprised at how much has happened that I have forgotten already. I am so glad we'll have this record to look back on someday ... because apparently memory fails some of us - even in our mid thirties. No good.
On this day in May 2006 - Troy had his first ever case of Malaria and we were pretty freaked out by that, we did not yet know Phoebe was growing in her first mother and we were praying for this baby that is now happy and adopted and thriving in Washington. We looked a lot like those people pictured below...Whoever they were.On this weekend in 2007 we had a child in the village come to us with a split open skull. It was the worst cut we'd ever seen. She is now thriving and has no permanent damage from this accident. We were cooking up Lydie and our littler kids looked like this: On this weekend in 2008 Tess and Jen lived with us and poor Isaac had a tough thing happen to him based on the language barrier, it broke my heart all over again to remember it. He has figured out how to protect himself out in the big bad world of school and life - but underneath he is the same tender, innocent, sweet and slightly oblivious boy.And on this weekend in 1970 - my parents got married-Which I also have no recollection of but with better reason. Happy 39th Anniversary Mom and Dad. WE love you and CANNOT wait until later this month when you show up on our doorstep. Missing and loving you today and counting the days till you get here! T&T and Kids
P.S. In case you missed it, that was your anniversary card, so don't look for it in your mailbox.
Your gift is below. Enjoy it and don't worry about sending a thank-you note.
