Updates, The Piano

2 small updates

1. According to Lori: Dalonne is doing better at connecting to and loving on Job and Job is up to 8 pounds and they will likely be discharged from RHFH on Friday.
2. Geronne's Dad is with us for the week. He is so quiet that we keep forgetting he is here until we see his tiny little crumpled body curled up sleeping on one of the couches.  I worry one of us will not notice and sit down and crush the poor man.  The hospital would not see him Monday. They said they had 2,000 people to see so could he come back next Monday. Geronne just sort of shrugged as if to say "This is Haiti." We all like having him here.  Lydia walks up to him and stares at him while he sleeps.  That is sort of creepy.

My oldest friend that I met in the fifth grade at Park Brook Elementary wrote me at 1am the other night. She said, "Hey What is going on down there, I am a little worried about you guys."  I read the message in bed on my phone and wondered how she could possibly know there was elevated stress. In the most loving way you can think this, I thought, "What a freak!"

I never said anything was wrong.  She just knows me. She can tell when my tone changes even when she cannot actually hear my tone because it is all only in writing. She is tuned in. Freaky sixth sensed friends are a gift.   

I am certain that things will eventually simm-ah down. For whatever reason the hits are coming frequently of late.  I am not trying to be mysterious in any way I just don't know what to  think yet. Some things have happened lately at Harbor House that feel like failure.  Once I am able to make at least a little sense of it I will share more of the details.  If I never make sense of it, you'll know by my ongoing silence. :) I'm waiting on God to lift me out of this discouraged muck before I spew that stuff on the inter-web. 


A different friend sent this today.

I love the last paragraph.

The Piano

Wishing to encourage her young son's progress on the piano, a mother took her boy to a Paderewski concert. After they were seated, the mother spotted a friend in the audience and walked down the aisle to greet her. Seizing the opportunity to explore the wonders of the concert hall, the little boy rose and eventually explored his way through a door marked "NO ADMITTANCE.

When the houselights dimmed and the concert was about to begin, the mother returned to her seat and discovered that the child was missing. Suddenly, the curtains parted and spotlights focused on the impressive Steinway on stage. In horror, the mother saw her little boy sitting at the keyboard, innocently picking out "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star." At that moment, the great piano master made his entrance, quickly moved to the piano, and whispered in the boy's ear, "Don't quit. Keep playing."

Then leaning over, Paderewski reached down with his left hand and began filling in a bass part. Soon his right arm reached around to the other side of the child and he added a running obligatio. Together, the old master and the young novice transformed a frightening situation into a wonderfully creative experience. And the audience was mesmerized.

Whatever our situation in life and history--however outrageous, however desperate, whatever dry spell of the spirit, whatever dark night of the soul-- God is whispering deep within our beings, "Don't quit. Keep playing. You are not alone, Together we will transform the broken patterns into a masterwork of my creative art. Together, we will mesmerize the world with our song of peace.

 © E. Elliot 1997

according to the graces we have received

Let us touch the dying, the poor, the lonely and the unwanted according to the graces we have received and let us not be ashamed or slow to do the humble work.
Mother Teresa

The last several days have been of the more difficult variety for the Heartline family. We've been experiencing some discouragement. Some of us (me) have found our focus on the things that are not going well. Last week while visitors were in town we were dealing with drama and heartache and trying to make wise decisions under lots of pressure. Yesterday Troy and John and Beth and I met to discuss and pray about some of the discouragement and to try to re-frame the things that have been disheartening.  John is always good for a mini sermon any time we're facing discouragement.  If you can get past his Boston accent a lot of times he says some really wise things. He reminded us for the bazillionth time that if we are faithful to do the day to day things, faithful to stick to the slow work, faithful to show up and try, that the results are not up to us. We must do our best and when our best doesn't result in the outcome we so hoped and prayed for we must trust God with it and continue on.

Miradye Alexandre

This weekend Geronne's Dad came to stay with us. He is 90 years old and very frail. He ended up here by accident due to the cruddy reality of Haitian healthcare.  This morning Geronne has gone with him to try again to get a test he needs. While we were sad she had trouble getting him care, we were very touched and blessed by his presence in our home.

We have known Mr. Alexandre for more than five years. He spent his whole life in the area we first lived when we moved here in 2006. For those that have Troy's book he is pictured there. This however, was our first opportunity to spend an extended time just listening to him and sitting with him.

Multiple times throughout the day Saturday and Sunday we had tears in our eyes watching Geronne care for him or listening to his laugh when Lydia came through the room or listening to him speak of his broken relationship with his father or his memories of raising 12 children in rural Haiti.  Miradye knows which generation and the names of his family that came here on a boat from Africa. He tells that story with confidence, as if he has it etched on his heart and has been passed down word-for-word.  We listened intently as he jumped from decade to decade sharing stories from childhood and recent years and everything in between.

Geronne filled in a lot of details throughout the weekend. She shared in a matter of fact tone at times and with much emotion at others. We were humbled to be trusted with much of what she shared.

After the lengthy discussion about his life Miradye talked specifically about his faith. He said he used to be able to read a Bible and asked if we had one.  His eyesight won't allow him to read anymore. Troy randomly flipped open the Kreyol New Testament.  He "randomly" started to read from John chapter 14 ...  try reading this to a 90 year old who is aware his time on earth is very short. 

John 14

Jesus Comforts His Disciples

 ¹"Do not let your heart be troubled; believe in God, believe also in Me.

 ²"In My Father's house are many dwelling places; if it were not so, I would have told you; for I go to prepare a place for you.

 ³"If I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and receive you to Myself, that where I am, there you may be also.

 ⁴"And you know the way where I am going."

 ⁵Thomas said to Him, "Lord, we do not know where You are going, how do we know the way?"

 ⁶Jesus said to him, "I am the way, and the truth, and the life; no one comes to the Father but through Me.

We plan to write about Miradye (his name, chosen by his mother, means miracle of God) again at length and attempt to tell some of his stories.  We hope to gather more information tonight and review the video we took sometime soon.

Geronne is understandably stressed out and also a bit frustrated with her siblings right now. She lives almost two hours from her Dad and they live in the same village. She doesn't feel like he is being cared for or fed well enough. Until we have time to share more please be praying for Geronne as she tries to make some big decisions for her Papa.

Mil Mesi

Thank-you so much for giving to RHFH and the 36 hour love/give fest. More than $5,000 was raised to help them love and serve the people of Haiti. We truly appreciate your generosity and encouragement and feel loved by your response.

Fedline & Michlanda

Fedline and her daughter moved into the Harbor House last Friday.

Fedline is 16 years old and was in the prenatal program. One Thursday in March she came in with alarmingly high blood-pressure and protein in her urine. The midwives immediately decided that she needed help for severe preeclampsia.

We brought her to a local free hospital and they accepted her for a c-section.

On March 17th Michlanda was born premature at 35 to 36 weeks of age. She is still very small but finally gaining steadily.

At the time of the earthquake Fedline was 15 and was living with her aunt, Lovelia. They were living in a rented house and it fell down.  They were not injured badly but they were left homeless. They knew a person that worked for a family that lived in Miami.  The person kept the house safe and clean while the family was in Miami.

The caretaker of the house allowed Lovelia and Fedline to sleep there for over a year.  Nine days ago the family came back from Miami.  Fedline and her aunt and daughter had to scramble to get out of the house before they got their friend in trouble.

Fedline's aunt Lovelia is her only family in Port au Prince.  The rest of her family live to the very far Northwest corner of the island.   Fedline fit all of the criteria for entrance into the Harbor House and we're excited to have her.  Her aunt is trying to find a friend to live with while she figures out what to do next.   Fedline has completed her education up to the 6th grade.  At Harbor House she will be getting tutoring at the 7th grade level as well as be involved in Monday, Wednesday, Friday Bible Study and English classes and Tuesday and Thursday bead-making classes.  Starting next week we will also be having a weekly support group meeting to deal with trauma, loss, and grief. Fedline has the support of her housemates that have been mothers for many more months and will hopefully encourage her and share their knowledge. 

Amanda getting ready to tour Fedline

Each week at the Harbor House has proven to be a learning experience. The challenges are daunting. We're learning as we go and often realizing how little we truly understood about how difficult this would actually be.  Our goal is to create community and safety and a place for teen moms to learn and grow.  I'd be lying to you if I said we've achieved all of that.  It is a battle. It always will be a battle.  There is resistance to some of the new things we're trying. Creating community sounds easy enough, but in practice it is incredibly difficult and takes time. We're praying that we are able to persevere through the yuck and confusion and keep trusting that God is in the business of restoration and that Harbor House will be a place where restoration happens for many.

Moving Fedline into Harbor House (Tara, Fedilne, Aunt Lovelia)

36 Hours to Love ....

Ready. Set. Go.

At 8:30 am on 4-7-2011 we begin 36 hours of Giving and Loving our friends at Real Hope for Haiti.

Job at RHFH on Thursday

Until 8:30 pm on 4-8-2011 you will be given an opportunity to Chip-in to the "Love/Give Fest" being hosted here. 

Real Hope for Haiti is a small organization doing HUGE things in Haiti. They have been doing these things for close to 15 years. Their Cholera treatment center has been described by a visiting Doctor as "Setting the standard for others" and "Amazing and well organized".

Yesterday Lori wrote and said,

"Cholera back up for the past week.  20 tonight.  Had 30 one day during the

day, sent some home since we only have 25 beds, came back next AM.  Most

are coming from one village - far - being carried on doors, unconscious."

Lori is who we went to last week when Paige needed her eye opened and drained.

Lori is who we brought Dalonne and Job to see on Tuesday. Lori took time out of her busy day to report to us on Dalonne and Job. (Please keep praying for them.)  She reported last night and said:

"She seems very concerned about him to the point of tears yesterday, yet still keeps saying she cannot stay the full 10 days to take the full dose of meds.  She worries that the bonnet is so straight on his head at all times, but won't breastfeed consistently.  Lots of contradictory statements.  I think that she is confused and lacks confidence.  This will improve with time, but I'm hoping that sending a lot of people to see her (that all are saying the same thing) will convince her and encourage her.  It's not a physical problem that she doesn't have milk, she just doesn't want to feed him.  She doesn't want to give that much of herself to him.  It's like she's guarding her heart.  She's losing the freedom of no children.  She's feeling the responsibility of being a mom and caregiver.  She probably doesn't feel like she can love Job with all that she's got until she sees that he won't die.  She's scared of that hurt and possible loss. It's a lot of different emotions to handle and sort through.  I'm sure that she's got other stresses pulling her at home too.  The sacrifice of a mother for her child is such a beautiful love, but scary for some. We'll be praying for her here too - surrendering her will to God, surrendering her breast for her baby to eat, and surrendering her time & life to me a mom.  I don't pretend to know her after only one day, but this is what I'm picking up from her.  I'll try to get a couple ladies to stop by and sing and pray with her tomorrow."

Heartline and those that work with Heartline are grateful for support and we need donations and gifts to do what we do ... But we also know that God is big and we don't ever need to be worried or only thinking of ourselves. We trust that God will fund and provide for every good work and we know our friends are doing good work.

We are humbly asking that everyone who can --- Please give generously and tell others.

How much money can we raise together in the next 36 hours? How much can we give back to an organization that continually gives to us and to Haiti? 

Perhaps you can skip lunch today and donate your lunch money. Maybe you can take what you plan to spend to go out with friends this weekend and instead donate it to help the fight against Cholera. We are planning to match the first $500 to cover the time and energy that Lori gave for Paige last Wednesday.  

(All donations given at the Chip-In meter above go directly to RHFH's Paypal account. RHFH is a Registered 501c3.)

Love/Give FEST starts now. 

Give. Share. Spread the word. Ready. Set. Go.

Dalonne & Job

I truly had not planned to stay on top of stories for the next few days  ... just too much going on and it is hard to keep up with it all.

The problem is that I process by writing and I feel craz y ier if I don't process. 

There are certain women that we all make connections with and I've come to care a lot for Dalonne. She reminds me of a Koala Bear.  I see her and I have the urge to squeeze.

I also know for a fact a woman in FL named Kat prays for Dalonne and I want her (and anyone interested in praying) to have the newest information.

Dalonne is 22. This was her first pregnancy. She was not compliant in our prenatal program. The short story missing much complicated detail is that her noncompliance led to her not being able to deliver her baby under our care. She used a local hospital. Her experience (as expected) was not very good and she left there with an episiotomy and a lot of pain.

Her baby was born on Saturday, March 26th.  Last Tuesday the 29th Dalonne's mother came to class with the three day old baby boy.  He was clearly not well.  He had a fever. He looked and acted as if he had not eaten anything. Most of his bones were visible. He had no muscle tone. He was lethargic and non-responsive. His fontanel was bulging. We transported Grandma and baby boy to a hospital very near us. They admitted him Tuesday afternoon.  We really cannot show our faces at this particular hospital because they won't help if they see there are other expats/other programs that are involved.  It does not matter that the care needed is beyond what our programs offer, they still turn people away. Stopping by to visit the hospital is not in the best interest of the patient. We often send Winnie, a talented Haitian nurse, but it was too busy to do that on Thursday.

On Friday we called Dalonne to ask how the baby was.  She told us that they had discharged him on Thursday.  She said he was still sick. That meant a gravely ill baby stayed less than 48 hours in the hospital.

Today Dalonne showed up for our Early Childhood Development class with her son.  She pulled me out to the front porch and said she needed to talk to me alone.  I grabbed Faby, the young woman that teaches the Harbor House girls to ask her to listen to my Kreyol and correct me if I was unclear and to make sure I knew all that Dalonne was saying.

Dalonne said that her family says she cannot take care of this baby and she should give up on him and literally "put him out". She started crying as she told this story. I asked her why they would say something like that to her? She said they say he is sick and she is not repsonsible and she cannot do it. She said her husband no longer occupies her. (A common way to say that you are not being taken care of.) She said her husband doesn't want the baby. She said she has friends to live with temporarily but not for long. She cried as she shared all of this.  She cried hardest when talking about her family wanting her to give up on him. I asked her if she thinks she can care for the baby?  She said "Yes, but I don't have money to eat and soon I don't know where to live and no one thinks I can care for him." 

I assured her we all believed she can do it, she can be a mom. I asked her to go to class and I would try to talk with the others and think of options but that for sure the baby needed to be seen at the end of class and to feed him during class as much as possible. Heather went to encourage her to nurse the baby.

After class there was much chaos. Some days the valid and legitimate needs in a room of 30 make you feel like your head might implode. Heather and John (Ackerman - a nurse and friend of Heartline) saw the baby and talked more with Dalonne.  They undressed him to weigh him. Other nurses came in to see him. Everyone agreed the situation was serious and we needed to figure out how to get the baby hospitalized again. We sent Dr. Jen this photo and told her what the main concerns were this Tuesday. We shared that he still has a fever, he still seems undernourished, he still seems lethargic, and his heart doesn't necessarily seem normal upon examination.

We started to try to figure out how to get a different Haitian hospital to take him.  Troy said if he brought them formula he thought he could get one hospital to take him in a trade.  He knew that they had five abandoned babies on their hands and they need formula; a trade might work.  (This is the reality of finding health care in Haiti.)  We began to move in the direction to make that happen.  As Troy tried to arrange the trade some of us went to talk and pray with Dalonne.  Her tears and dejected body language broke our hearts.  I asked, "Did you name him yet?" "Wi" she replied, "Li rele Job."

His name is Job.

Of course his name is Job.

About that time Jen called from Minnesota.  She shared some of her concerns and asked us to do something different with him. Jen's heart is always here and she is constantly getting photos and emails from us asking for advice.  Jen asked us to call Lori at Real Hope for Haiti.   Jen said, "Lori does amazing work with these babies.  Maybe he won't live. Maybe his heart does have a defect. But, if anyone will care for him well it is Lori."  (We knew that but we also know Lori is surrounded by need and probably doesn't want our PAP babies too.)

We called Lori who readily agreed to take on Job.  We filled Dalonne in on the plan.  She was very scared because Cazale is not a place she has ever heard of and it sounded far away.

Troy headed out to Cazale with Dalonne and Job and a few folks that tagged along.  Dalonne was pretty scared and very sad watching Job get the IV placed.  Lori and her husband Charles were able to calm and reassure her that this was a necessary thing they needed to do.  Tonight both Dalonne and Job are protected and cared for by Lori and her staff in Cazale. We don't yet know what all is going on with Job or if he will be okay.  We only know that many people wish to help Dalonne prove to herself and her family that she can be a mom and that giving up is not the answer.

We're praying for Dalonne and Job tonight, because giving up is not our answer either. 

Enisse

Facebook Status from this morning: 

I saw Enisse on my run this morning ... my heart leapt to see her and squeeze her. I am surprised at how much it hurts that she chose to leave. Need to find a balance in all these complicated relationships. Need Heaven.

11 hours ago ·

Enisse yelled to us as we ran by this morning or we would not have seen her. Later in the day Enisse came to Early Childhood Development.  Sophia looked good.  Enisse seemed a little sad. We talked to her for a few minutes.  Troy was able to remind her that we love her but we know she has choices and we respect her right to choose to leave Harbor House.  He told her we've really missed her and that we won't stop praying for her or Sophia.

We would love to ask her to come back. Truthfully, she was the youngest in the house and special to us both and we need to force ourselves not to beg her to come back because we would rather she have a chance to see and learn how getting angry and storming out did not actually hurt anyone that she was angry with .... It only hurt her and her precious little girl.  

Coming to live where there are rules and structure is not an easy thing for someone who has never had that. We are trying so hard to live with open hands and trust that we cannot see the whole picture nor will it ever be simple or easy trying to mentor and parent and love these young women.  

Maybe she will eventually come back, or maybe we'll have to fully believe (not just with our words but with our lives) that God is bigger than an individual situation and that ultimately He holds Enisse and Sophia in His hands.  

Our responsibility is to remain available and sensitive to His leading.  A difficult assignment for certain.

Need Heaven.

these are crazy days

After the week of running quite a bit for Paige's illness and the birth excitement and getting ready for an all day trauma/grief  training we had yesterday and the teams we had arrive today - we hit the ground this fine Monday morning running on half a tank. (Troy's tank was half full. Mine was half empty.)  When I hung around drinking my coffee Phoebe said, "I glad you here today Mama. You not leaving me?" (Doh! the punch in the gut for a mom) She was bummed to hear that I wasn't staying home all day with her. In the precarious game of balancing family and other responsibilities -- apparently family is temporarily down a few points.

Paige is done with her IV meds now. We think she has finally kicked the $&* of MRSA. The photo shows her getting her last IV dose of meds while simultaneously having glittery hair stands put in by Sarah O and Harold's daughter Kristi. She is still on a lot of oral meds for another week but her eye finally looks great. We're very thankful to have been able to remain in Haiti and receive treatment. I found out what one of the meds she is on would cost if we were paying for it. Wow! We've experienced provision.  Grateful.

Harold (Tex) finishes his three months in Haiti later this week. He has been a huge help to us and we'll miss his encouraging words and mad driving skillz.  Our kids all call him "Uncle Tex" and they will also sorely miss his kindness and love.

The training we attended and hosted yesterday was very informative. In the next week or two we will begin a trauma/grief support group with the Harbor House teen moms. We're trained as facilitators and were given many tools. Truthfully we're excited and scared about taking this step with the girls. Their lives have been trauma filled (and that was before the catastrophic earthquake) and we know they have grief we cannot comprehend. It is a bit intimidating to say the least.

At the end of the full day of training most of us who had attended were slap-happy and being completely ridiculous by practicing our reflective listening on facebook with one another. 

{If you wanted to reflectively listen you would say to that statement: "Your training allowed you to learn a lot. You were super silly and tired at the end of the day so you acted like fools on the internet."}

On March 29th (last Tuesday) I asked you to pray for a few "normal" births ...  Meaning, no c-sections and no racing to hospitals.  Since that prayer request Venette delivered a healthy baby girl and the only hitch was her blood pressure which Cookie (left in photo below) quickly addressed.  Franchette had a perfect birth experience and welcomed her son Friday night.  Today right around 3:30 Dieutha welcomed her daughter into the world.  Count them. Please. Three deliveries in a row without major drama. We're grateful for your prayers.  It appears we've turned the corner and the streak of bizarre and scary has ended.

Mesi Jezi.

getting very close to delivery

taken 20 minutes after top photo

best blurry photo ever

Beth and Jonna have been gone getting trained in all things 'midwifish' in Oregon. While they were away the "two Sarahs" came in to help.  We love these two good friends of Heartline and are grateful for the encouragement and joy they brought us. 

Today shortly after Dieutha gave birth the country erupted into celebration when it was announced that Michel Martelly will be the new president of Haiti. There were people dancing in the streets excited and hopeful.  I am glad they are happy.  That is a job I wouldn't want.  Here's hoping he is equal to such a gargantuan task.

This week is full with many visitors/teams and plans. We have a group of six from the Austin Stone Church, a group of 9 from Missouri, and a group of 3 here to work specifically on raising funds for Heartline's new Maternity Center on the new land. Troy is giddy because Esther Havens, a name most photographers would recognize, is here to shoot the photos. He is all geeked out talking cameras and lenses and other such boring gibberish. It all sounds like Charlie Brown's mom to me. 

We may not be back to the blog for a few days. When we do have the time we're anxious to introduce you to Fedline, the newest teen mom at Harbor House and her sweet little preemie baby girl.  We're also hopeful that Enisse and Sophia might come to Early Childhood Development class tomorrow so we can try to check up on them as well.

Peace and gratitude from Port au Prince.

Aaron H. Troy John Harold/Tex

Franchette & Sadrack

Franchette and Sadrack

Anyone following Haiti news or any Haiti blog for very long will figure out that this can be a difficult and complicated place.  Sometimes when I write a sentence like that I ask myself how it will land on a Haitian person reading.  I ask if it is my perception or close to reality. I think most Haitian people would agree that their lives are difficult and complicated ... yet they find joy in spite of that.

 The challenges faced here by the vast majority of the population are mind-numbing and heart breaking. (So, to review if you didn't catch that - if you are around for very long both your head and your heart will hurt.)

Because it is hard and because sometimes the things you hope and pray for don't happen; you must grab onto the good things and hold them tightly; hold them high for all to see. 

This is my attempt to hold high the beautiful, amazingly peaceful birth of Franchette and Sadrack's son on Friday night.  It is important to know that Franchette lost her only other child to illness when he was 18 months old.

Franchette labored like nobody I've ever witnessed. She was composed, dignified, strong, peaceful, focused, and brave. 

Toward the end where most women (myself included) start cussing and hating on anyone and everyone, and begging for death, Franchette began to ask for her husband to come in to see her.

She kept calling "dah" and while Kreyol is a work in slow progress for me, most of us didn't think "dah" was a Kreyol word.  As it turns out she calls her husband by the nickname Dah.

He came in and got woozy within about four nanoseconds but he was in long enough to give short pep talks and mention that when the pushing time came she should push because he really wanted to see the baby. She didn't take him down for saying he wanted to see the baby.  She is far too gracious. She asked Dah to pray. We all prayed together. 

At the very end of the laboring time Franchette began to sing in Kreyol a song that translates "All I need is you Lord, All I need is You." She sang that little song to soothe herself.  It was beautiful and most of us needed to pull out the bottom of our eyelids to keep the tears from escaping.

In the room filled with joy and love we had a team of really excited and invested Heartline peeps ready to welcome a new life into the world. There were three American nurse/midwives, an amazing Haitian nurse, and two of us more regular people without fancy titles.

As it turns out one of the midwives allowed one of us without a fancy title (me!) to help catch the baby. I've been at about 25 births in a support role, but this was the first time I ever got to have my hands in the action.  

The other photos are so amazing but maybe too private to share without asking Franchette for permission first -- but let me just say: holy-cow-was-that-way-so-nutty-when-I-was-holding-the head-of-a-baby-still-inside-of-his-mother-wOw-wow-heartpounding-wow!

And ... As long as I'm saying that, I should also say, a huge Thank-you to Franchette for demonstrating a peaceful trust in Jesus, a love for Him and faith that He can and does help when you ask.

Once her 7lb 14 ounce baby boy was safely delivered Franchette enthusiastically and repeatedly gave thanks to God for all He had done. 

Welcome little one. 
Mesi Senye.Thank-you Lord.

decide as you go

Fedline

It is not yet noon and things are getting crazy.  Please pray for Francette (see photo) - she is in labor.  Please pray for Fedline - she is possibly moving into Harbor House.  Please pray for Enisse (and Sophia) - she got angry and decided to leave the HH.  :( Please pray for Paige - she is ready to be done with all of this infection and medicine crap and have some fun.

Francette

Sometimes the most awesome and freeing thing about the way of life in Port au Prince, Haiti is that by necessity we must "fly by the seat of our pants".

Sometimes the most annoying and exhausting thing about the way of life in Port au Prince, Haiti is that by necessity we must "fly by the seat of our pants".

 

To fly by the seat of your pants:

Decide a course of action as you go along, using your own initiative and perceptions rather than a pre-determined plan or mechanical aids.

This is early aviation parlance. Aircraft initially had few navigation aids and flying was accomplished by means of the pilot's judgment. The term emerged in the 1930s and was first widely used in reports of Douglas Corrigan's flight from the USA to Ireland in 1938. That flight was reported in many US newspapers of the day, including this piece, entitled 'Corrigan Flies By The Seat Of His Pants', in The Edwardsville Intelligencer, 19th July 1938.

In previous posts we've admitted to occasionally making a loose plan ... but the less we do of that, the easier things are.  We can't count how many times in one week we say something along these lines to one another:  "That is tomorrow, we can't determine what that will be yet. Let's talk about tomorrow when it is tomorrow."

When tomorrow comes we fly by the seat of our pants - we decide as we go what the day will entail (as irresponsible as that sounds it is actually  true) and take things as they come.  Like a pilot with no navigation tools in hand; just a certain faith that we're not walking through our day alone.

Truth be told our cultural norms taught us both to schedule our time, to plan in advance, to try to have clear direction each day. By nature we prefer to plan. Culture is much more than style of dress and daily habits. Culture is the framework for how we make sense of the world around us. It encompasses behaviors, traditions, beliefs, values, and assumptions. 

I am not sure I can pinpoint exactly why our cultural value of goal setting and planning doesn't really work very well here.  It is probably a combination of many things.  Vehicles break-down. Traffic jams of epic proportions are the norm. Emergencies happen frequently. Communication is often difficult and getting to the bottom of an issue takes patience and time. Plans that include another person mean their vehicle has to work and their traffic route has to be open ... But it goes deeper than these things. It goes to values and thought processes of the culture.

Sarah Lanier writes about cultural differences based simply on climate and says:

“One of the most important differences between the hot- and cold-climate cultures in the work setting is that the hot-climate culture is relationship based, while the cold is task-oriented … All hot-climate communication has one goal: to promote a ‘feel-good’ atmosphere, a friendly environment. The truth can take a backseat to the relationship.”

“… the cold-climate person may be very friendly and warm, but when needing to get a job done or answer a question factually, he or she is completely focused on the task at hand. Rightly or wrongly, personal feelings are not considered to be part of the equation.”

One of the best ways to end up frustrated living in this hot-climate culture is to have strict expectations about how you will get information when you need it  - and how you will manage your time. 

The happiest expats learn to laugh at themselves and their unrealistic expectations and they try hard to honor their host culture's attitude and styles of communication even when it goes against their preferred methods.

All that to say, in Haiti deciding as you go - Is the way to go.

Paige pretends she thinks that this is abnormal behavior for adults.

We think:

1.) in the absence of a gym - make one.

2.) in the absence of of an amusement park - make one.

3.) in the absence of entertainment - make it.


We also think Paige is secretly beyond thrilled to have parents that bring the party when no party can be found. 

You're welcome Paige.

Life is Like...

Late Sunday afternoon we left "Spaghetti Day" hosted at the Hendricks home and thought we had a plan for the coming week. We knew that our plans needed to be flexible (because, well - duh) yet we looked ahead at the week and with confidence made some plans. 

Oh the folly of planning. 

Forest Gump once said, "Life is like a box of chocolates.  You never know what you're going to get."

When she was pretty young our oldest daughter Britt paraphrased Mr. Gump and said, "Life is like that, you never know what you're going to get ... Maybe a box of chocolates!"


Since Sunday at 5pm - here are just a handful of the unplanned things that have taken place:

• Andremene went into labor.  Labored for a few hours. Ran into big trouble. Was transported for c-section. Troy got home at 3am.  This set into motion a chain of events that led to zero of the plans we made happening.
• Gas price hike causes manifestation, changes some of what was planned for Monday.
• Four day old baby boy of someone special to us showed up almost dead to ECD program on Tuesday. It was so emotional and disappointing, writing about it in detail was left to others.
• Paige got miserable.  Starting Thursday we called an unusually large bump on her eyelid "a zit". By Sunday we knew it was more.  We started medication then. Today at 2pm we were driving her to Cazale to have it opened up and drained.  But not until after we'd seen a brilliant, Harvard-trained infectious disease specialist in downtown Port au Prince. We met with her and had our consultation outside of a tent in the warm sunshine ... like you do.  The infectious disease brainiac spoke by phone with Paige's awesome babe of a Pediatrician in MN. An hour later we were gathering supplies to head to another accomplished medical professional, the revered and much loved Lori Moise. 

Forest Gump was right. You never know what you're going to get.  But that ain't the half of it.

It wasn't lost on me that Jen went to work finding Paige the best care available. It wasn't lost on me that we saw the exact type of specialist we needed to see this morning. It wasn't lost on me that not only was she the perfect specialty but she is no slouch. The woman went to Harvard. She was standing 6 miles from my house when I needed her. It wasn't lost on me that she cared enough to talk to Dr. Jen at length by phone.  It wasn't lost on me that Jen woke up very early after working all night and jumped into action to give instruction on the desired medicine to give Paige by IV.  It wasn't lost on me that Lori has drained about one billion abscesses in her life and is probably better at it than almost anyone in Haiti. It wasn't lost on me that my sweet friends were interceding for Paige and for me all day.  It wasn't lost on me that Jen called at a rate of way-too-ridiculously-much-per-minute to see how it was going for Paige in Cazale. It wasn't lost on me that Harold (Tex) and his sweet daughter Kristi were available to stay with Phoebe and Lydia all day long.  It wasn't lost on me that Corrigan was already scheduled to pick the kids up from school.  All sorts of people advocating for Paige. For us. That wasn't lost on me.

Maybe it is because I'm exhausted, maybe it is because it is warranted ... Tonight, mixed in with my awe of today's gifts and miracles is more than a smidgen of sadness. 

I'm sad because things here are so difficult.  They are so unfair.

Trying to find help in a timely manner when things get a little bit scary or a even very serious is so challenging. I dare say it is almost impossible for most people.  I'm well connected.  I know people that know people.  Therefore my advocates sprung into action. I am not experiencing what a Haitian mother would experience.  I realize this when I, a person with all of the privilege in the world, am given a chance to see a small piece of the life of my Haitian brothers and sisters.  As I waited for our Doctor connection to be made I glanced into the crowded and hot Tuberculosis tent and saw the worried eyes of another mother. Who advocates for her?

I recognize that I must be willing to engage in the complex issues that form the sub-text of the daily realities that affect the vast majority of Haitians. Engaging in it from my position of privilege is difficult, but it has to be my goal. 

I experienced something unique in Haiti today.

I sought care for my sick child and at every turn I found top-notch help.

I have so much to be grateful for tonight, and trust me, I am grateful. 

But I want that - what I got - for every mother of every sick child. 

I want life for them to be less like a box of chocolates.

Less unpredictable.

Less unfair.

early childhood development class (tuesday)

Cookie and Agathe teaching

Sophia 6 weeks old

Heather working with Fedline

Some days are almost too complicated to write about.  Like today for instance.  

Good news:  tomorrow is a new day!

Prenatal Program

For the last several weeks the midwives have been experiencing challenging situations and multiple odd occurrences.  There is no real rhyme or reason to why so many of the ladies in the program have run into such a tough spot - but honestly - we are slightly concerned and discouraged. We'd like this streak of odd and challenging to end now.

Many of our recent births have ended up needing emergency transport for cesarean section. This is not the end of the world by any means - we have a great ambulance that donors helped us buy and we have a partner hospital that will see/work with us upon request.  It is a little bit sad though, because it is not what we have in mind for the ladies when they enter the program.  It is not what we plan and prepare for with the months of teaching, nutrition, and training.

We'd love to be able to provide every woman with a calm, private, dignified birth in the labor/delivery room at the Maternity Center.  We'd love for their babies to be welcomed into the world with less trauma and stress. We'd love that for them, we'd love that for us.

The cases that need transport each cost a minimum of $750 U.S.D. at the hospital and we're not in a position financially to continue to sustain the current rate of c-sections.  Prior to the last streak of 6 to 8 births we rarely (very very very rarely) needed to transport anyone for a cesarean.

Due to some complications Andremene (pictured) was transported for a c-section late last night.  She is 34 years old and came to Heartline's program after miscarrying twins, miscarrying another single baby, and having lost three other children at 4 days, three months and five months of age.  Her two living children are now 11 and 12 years old.  She has obviously lost so much in her life. Thankfully she delivered a healthy baby boy (with a very very large head) at 2am.

We pray for and want to see this new life survive and thrive. I am sharing all of this in order to ask for prayer for the pregnant ladies, for the midwives, and for the program as a whole.
Decisions here are so much different than in the developed world.  We are not a short easy ride from the hospital should we need to go.  Standing still gridlock traffic is a real possibility most of the time. Sometimes you arrive at the hospital and wait longer than is ideal for the anesthesiologist to come. The variables are many and mind-boggling. The decisions are never made lightly. Whomever is in the primary midwife role, whomever is in charge of the birth - carries the weight of such a big decision and with that comes much stress.

Truthfully, if we could avoid the need to transport it crosses off about sixteen really bad possibilities. 

We're due for a string of event-free - normal - drama-less - happy - exciting-in-the-good-way - births.  We'd like that streak of happy to begin today.


Thank you for your continued love, prayers, and concern for the women of Haiti.

tet koupe

Hope and Phoebe's first momma  is doing well. We enjoyed a pleasant visit with her on Saturday.

In Haiti if you look a lot like someone they often say "tet koupe"  - or literally translated you can cut heads off and trade them you look so much alike.  We think Hopie and her first momma have a bit of tet koupe going on.

It was encouraging to us to see Hope genuinely want to love on and chat with her mom. She didn't feel awkward or afraid.  They compared their toes and noses and the shape of their hands. It was cute. As expected Phoebe gave her the stranger treatment but we didn't expect Phoebe to get it yet - so no one was stressed about it.

We are so grateful for our children. They are gifts to us.  

Imagining our family without these two spunky little girls brings instant sadness. We treasure them.

Even so, we've never come to a place where we can simply bask in our wonderful blessing without examining the other side of the story. We know God can and is making beauty from ashes but we're not at peace with the fact that poverty and injustice led this momma to decide she could not raise 5 of her 8 children - that grieves us.  

We want to ask ourselves hard questions about a world where this is commonplace and what we can do to change those systems and keep more families together.  Amidst the multiple unanswered and uncomfortable questions we are incredibly grateful that we can assure this first momma that her girls are well loved and well cared for, and that she can trust us to stay in contact for as long as she is able and willing.


Monday pics and haps :

more tet koupe

Kenny & Lydia at Harbor House

Lydie tried to feed Kenny Pringles today.  That did not go over so well with his very protective Momma.  Lydie is under the false impression that many, if not all, of the babies at Harbor House belong to her.

It works out pretty well that there are no parks, jungle gyms, or any sort of climbing apparatus anywhere near by ... we're totally indifferent about that because we have our doors!

The blue cord is the uber slow and unreliable internet running into the house from the rooftop.  Stay classy Port au Prince. 

Today there were all sorts of rumors of planned "manifestations".  A few took place. We had one person call in and say they couldn't get to work. The first time I heard that term I had no idea what the heck was being said, it sounded like a three headed demon might be coming to attack us in the night.  As it turns out manifestations are planned protests of some variety and are usually in response to some sort of price hike that people have no way to absorb. Today the manifestation was in response to a hike in gas prices.  Many of the regular kamyonnet (tap-tap) routes were not available. For some it meant they couldn't get to work at all.  For others it meant they could get there faster because traffic was lighter.

family

We never intended at the outset for our adoptions to be open.  Thankfully God intervened and gave us this good and unexpected gift.  The way it evolved is a long story that's been told in the past, so for today I won't retell it.

We're excited because tomorrow both of these two ladies will get to see their first Momma and at least one of their older sisters.

Hope is old enough to understand. Phoebe won't get it but we want her Mama to be able to see her and how beautiful and tall she is getting. 

We have talked on the phone frequently since the earthquake but have not seen her since 2009.  We are hoping and praying for a peace-filled reunion and a sweet time together tomorrow. Praying for the heart(s) of the Mama and our precious girls.

imbalance

Over the years we've learned much about our paradigm.

When it comes to the women we're working with in the various prongs of the Women's Program ...

Often times we hear statements and questions similar to:
~ Why do they keep having babies?
~ Why don't they just stop having sex?
~ Why doesn't she protect herself/use birth control?
~ She made the choice.
~ It's her fault/problem/consequence.

Those statements and questions are made from a presupposition of justice and equal power. Every culture has different rules and structure. It is much more complicated than we make it.

I often think back to the day a boyfriend showed up on our doorstep and told Troy to fire his girlfriend.  Troy said, "Why? She is a great employee. I have no reason to fire her."  The man said, "You've given her power and she won't let me beat her anymore."

After five years here, I know I still don't really get how it all works. I only know I personally wish to withhold any and all judgment of the women we work with and respond with mercy and love.


This blog post by Barbie (A Physician's Assistant working in Haiti) speaks to the imbalance in Haiti.  To read the full post go here.

The crumpled piece of yellow paper at my foot caught my eye. I bent over to pick it up. Then halted.

A flimsy piece of trash. Worthless. Discarded. Smudged. Walked upon. Crumpled. With the vague ink stamp of our clinic visible in the bottom left corner.

And above the stamp...a life altering scratch of an ink pen. A plus sign. Positive.

HIV positive.

With two scratches of a pen, a life altered for its duration.

I picked up the paper, quietly folded it, and stuck it in the back pocket of my scrubs.

Of course, I know this patient. I know this paper. Discarded trash from yesterday. That was my writing. A lab order for the cachectic, febrile twenty year old girl from a tent city. I'd ordered that test. I'd passed the paper to Sister Gloria, our nurse, and requested her to run it. She returned to me thirty minutes later, and with a stoic, kind-yet-grim look in her eyes, handed me back the slip. I'd met her eyes in silent, knowing, communication.

Two scratches of a pen. A life altering diagnosis.

Positive.

The twenty year old girl, skin and bones, laid curled on her side in the next room of the clinic, staring blankly at the wall. A resident of one of Haiti's semi-permanent post-Earthquake tent cities. Mother of a 6 year old child. A quick calculation revealed she therefore became pregnant at 13 years old, and gave birth at 14. She breathed rapidly. She was fragile. Like a small bird, fallen from her nest.

I walked into her room, and through a translator, revealed her test results. "Your HIV test is positive," I explained. "This means you likely have HIV, the virus that causes AIDS. We need to confirm this with another test. But I am very concerned."

She stared blankly at the wall.

"Do you have a sexual partner?" I asked.

"No," she replied. "Not since I got pregnant."

Another simple calculation. Last sexually active at age 13. Therefore, HIV positive at age 13.

Now, likely, AIDS. At 20 years old.

"Did you get tested for HIV when you were pregnant?" I asked.

"No," she replied. She got no prenatal care at that time. At 13 years old.

"Did you breastfeed your baby?" I asked.

"Yes," she replied.

Another mental calculation. Untreated HIV positive mother, never diagnosed or treated, subsequently breastfeeding her infant. Means child at risk for "vertical transmission". Transmission of HIV from mother to child, either at birth, or subsequently through breast milk exposure.

"We need to get your daughter tested for HIV, too," I said quietly. Mother stared blankly at the ceiling. The implication, and subsequent palpable self-accusation, was strong. The risk to her daughter's health. A mother's guilt. Finally, as the information was slowly absorbed, a quiet nod. Empty staring eyes.

I flashed mentally to the World Health Organization recommendations for HIV prevention. The "ABCs" of HIV prevention in sexual relationships:

A = Abstinence

B = Be Faithful to your Partner

C = Condoms

I suddenly remember the semi-angry rant of one of my Tropical Medicine professors -- an HIV and TB expert from India, who spent many years as a physician in the urban public health trenches before becoming a professor at Tulane. To paraphrase her highly-educated and evidence-based rant, in response to the ABCs:

Don't think that women of the developing world aren't aware of how they get HIV and AIDS. They know. They are not ignorant. They know about AIDS and know that it is sexually transmitted. The bigger issue is the ability of a woman to say "no". In many parts of the world, due to imbalances of power in the role of men and women, women have no power in a sexual relationship. Whether it is through physical dominance, or financial dependency. They do not have the social power to refuse sex. They do not have the social power to say no, to demand condom use, nor to demand monogamy of their husband/partner.

I look back at my patient, pregnant at 13 years old.

Infected with HIV. At 13 years old.

Was that sexual relationship an educated choice? Or any sort of choice?

Read the rest of Barbie's post here:
http://barbieboots.blogspot.com/2011/03/two-scratches-of-pen.html

blessed

blessed are the spiritually poor - the kingdom of heaven is theirs.

blessed are those who mourn, who weep about sin and long for how things are supposed to be - they will be comforted.

blessed are the meek and gentle - they will inherit the earth.

blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness - they will be filled.

blessed are the merciful - they will be shown mercy.

blessed are those who are pure in heart - they will see God.

blessed are the peacemakers - they will be called children of God.

blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness - the kingdom of heaven is theirs. 

matthew 5:3-10