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Mostly, it seems like you wish you could do way more than you are able to do OR you're doing everything you can think of and it does not make a bit of difference.
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I've been wanting to share about a family in our village, but because they frustrate me it is harder to write it out in an honest way ... and whenever you share frustration you put yourself at risk for people to judge you or poo-poo your feelings and thoughts. The whole point of being honest --- well, it is to BE HONEST. So, if reading this leaves you finding me judgemental, mean or intolerant ... so be it. We're not looking for a solution to the emotional reaction we experience, we're simply sharing it.
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One of the hardest things about trying to help people, is often the sense that they will do nothing for themselves ... they will wait for us to do everything for them.
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There is a family in LaDigue. They live closer to the mission than all but two other families. They have used their sick HIV+ son in every way possible. When he was offered help, real help - including a place to stay and get 24 hour care, they turned down the help and continued to let him suffer.`
(Paige is pictured with Jean, the sick boy being neglected. Photo taken 2006)
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For whatever reason they want to keep him around and see what sort of attention and freebies he might bring them. They complain constantly about his skin condition, his situation, his plight -- yet they will not do anything for him. Of course they don't have money to do everything that needs to be done, but they won't even take responsibility for the basics.
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The Mom won't bathe him regularly, she won't walk him up to the mission in order to receive care for him, if we won't come down to them -- then we're not doing enough to help him. Every few months we start over with a plan, but within three or four days they don't do their part anymore. The mom acts angry and put out by anything we ask her to do to help with his situation. Putting lotion on her son each day is too big of a task for her. The Dad used to be around but has recently been sent to prison. He also has another family in the next village over. The whole thing stinks.
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The saddest part is that another child from this family, Jean's adult sister is now repeating the whole pattern. The sister, Jeremaie has her own children that she now neglects to the point of my UTTER FRUSTRATION ... she has started complaining about her two kids, and again she whines to Britt that her daughter constantly has outer ear infections, yet she won't bathe the child often enough to keep it clean. Her son now has Kwashiorkor and she takes NO initiative to follow the instructions for helping him, she just gripes about it and acts like it is out of her hands -- and on us to fix for her. After giving her an education and food and instructions for when to return with him ... she does nothing. We don't even really know if they give him the vitamins and extra food or if they take it for themselves.
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The photo to the left is of the little guy who now has Kwash - other than removing him from his mothers care I don't see how he will ever get better. She learned how to parent from her mom, and her mom won't even let Jean get the help he needs. His life is constant misery.`
It's neglect, and I know it happens all over the world - rich countries and poor countries alike. It is just maddening and without any system to turn people in for neglect, we're left to wring our hands and try to figure out what the proper response is.
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Therein lies the problem...
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I don't know what the proper response is.
-Tara
