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For a combination of reasons, that I won't bore you with now, I'm experiencing a huge resistance to writing anything of substance in this space of late. I guess I am without words for some of the things spinning in my head.
I only know that I'm feelinga certain an enormous amount of heaviness in my heart for the hurt, incomplete, and broken in this world. That heaviness leaves me in a place of contemplating the depth of our need for Him and for redemption. It also creates an internal battle and dialog that exhausts and frustrates. It says "have hope - don't quit" while in the very next breath it tricks and whispers "it is hopeless". It rears its head later to remind me "His mercies are new every morning."
It weeps and hopes and fights and prays.
On the topic of suffering and pain, I read this a little bit ago ...
I know so many people that are stumbling on right now. I know that every step is so terribly painful. I feel frustrated and helpless and I only know to pray for God to show Himself to them in their dark places.
I only know to weep, hope, fight, and pray.
I only know that I'm feeling
It weeps and hopes and fights and prays.
On the topic of suffering and pain, I read this a little bit ago ...
"An athlete, in the midst of a record-breaking run, has never in his life been so fit and strong. Yet his pain-racked body may have never felt so weak. Likewise, in the midst of a spiritual trial, it is not uncommon to be stronger and yet feel weaker than ever before. And to fellow Christians you might seem hopeless. An ultra-marathon champion staggering up the final hill looks pathetic. A small child could do better. Anyone not understanding what this man has gone through would shrink from him in disgust. Only someone with all the facts would be awed by his stamina as he stumbles on." -Grantley Morris
I know so many people that are stumbling on right now. I know that every step is so terribly painful. I feel frustrated and helpless and I only know to pray for God to show Himself to them in their dark places.
I only know to weep, hope, fight, and pray.
13 comments:
thanks dude. love this. needed this.
I have been so blessed by your blog. My husband and I have lived overseas in the past and now are settled in MN for the time being. In this side of the world it's easy to be caught up in trivial things (like fashion or redecorating...not that those things are wrong...they can just cause one to lose perspective on the rest of the world). I need blogs like yours to keep reminding me again and again of the rest of the world.
Thank you for your faithfulness and willingness to wrestle through the hard, ugly sides of life.
It reminds me of one of my favorite Sara Groves songs (written after she read "Mountains Beyond Mountains" ).
"I have joined the long defeat
that falling set in motion
all my strength and energy
are raindrops in the ocean..We walk a while we sit and rest
we lay it on the altar
I won't pretend to know what's next
but what I have I've offered
I pray for a vision
and a way I cannot see
It's too heavy to carry
and impossible to leave
I pray for inspiration
and a way I cannot see
It's too heavy to carry
and impossible to leave."
Grace and peace to you!
Thank you for this post. I am in the middle of a very painful trial and am being bombarded by Satan as he attempts to destroy my family. I feel exactly like you described and like the description of the athlete. I needed this today. Thank you!
Dear Anon -
Fight fight fight and don't give up and we will pray ... I pray your family can withstand this attack and come out singing of the miraculous healing you experienced.
t.
I have been reading you blog for many months. Every once in a while I post a comment. Today, I really needed this. I have a brother who has battled a crack addiction for 10 years now. He goes along for seasons and then falls. He is a believer, but was so terribly abused as a child that he literally sometimes stumbles along in life. I have watched him over the last 2 months fall and come completely unraveled dismantling the life he built over the last year of being clean. he has lost everything and burned so many bridges, once again. It has been more painful than I can describe in words. Today I received a picture of a car he totaled while being chased and shot this past Sunday. Although He walked away from the wreck, he is not ready for help; Today, I have felt the fear of losing him to this addiction strangling me. The enemy whispering lies of loss and hopelessness and grief. We had gotten very close the months before this fall; the enemy whispers that he will be gone leaving me with only those few months of close relationship to remember. This post reminds me there is hope and he has progressed; only God can see the whole picture and knows what work is being done in my brothers heart while he struggles. Others may look at the addict in disgust, but you have reminded me to see the hurt little boy that is just trying to make since of unimaginable suffering and a loving God who wants to redeem it all. My heart is soothed and reminded. Thanks.
Tara, thank you. In tears at seeing my heart written on your page. One foot in front of the other...
Dawn ... I am so sorry. That is huge and painful and very heavy.
I am praying for your brother and so many all over the world that are in great pain tonight feeling far from the end of a race they don't want to finish. May they wake tomorrow with renewed strength to fight.
Tara, what is the reference for the quote. AmAzInG words, and such a beautiful analogy.
Thanks for this post.
~Carol
Very good analogy. I struggle with depression and FEAR. I wake up many mornings crying at the thought of facing the day. My husband has been laid off twice in the past 18 months. I am tired of the race. I struggle to see the prize at the finish line. In my good moments, I know that God is good ALL the time. All the time God is good. I will keep that visualization of the marathon runner running up the hill to help me keep going. It may look ugly now, but God's got the victory. Don't quit. Don't give up. HE IS GOOD. Peace to you. Suzy
Thank you for sharing this. Looks like many of us needed this! It is a terrific analogy. Would love to share it if you are able to share the source.
An Australian guy named Grantley Morris ... I am pretty sure that is the accurate author of the analogy.
Joining you in prayer, friend. Keep fighting and hoping!!
Beautiful, just beautiful. I'm praying for you. Stay strong and remember God is always with you.
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