Shaun Groves posted a list on his blog early this year. I loved how well he illustrated the losses our adopted children face. I recall vividly listening to Isaac's hysterical cry when he came to us. I wasn't nearly as informed as I should have been. I didn't instantly recognize it for what it was. Deep, sorrowful, grief. I'm so grateful that God was faithful to walk Isaac and all of us through that three month period of grief - and occasionally even now as he continues to processes all the angles of his adoption.
I think adoption-education and preparation has gotten better over the years. I am hoping most adoptive parents go in knowing that their children will experience grief and loss.
With permission, here is a portion of that post - he wrote:
Kim, our teacher, passed out paper and pens and asked us to make a list.
Make yours with me now.
First, write down the name of the most significant person in your life.
1. Becky
Write down your most important role.
2. Husband
Now, write down your greatest support group: Church, family, a friend…
3. Brian and Amy
Write down your heritage
4. American?
Next, write the word “knowledge.” This represents the information that gets you through the everyday tasks of your day.
5. Knowledge
Then, write down your favorite place.
6. Home
Write down “Cultural Information.” This represents everything you know about your culture.
7. Cultural Information
Now, write down “Resources.” This represents all your material possessions, everything you own that has worth.
8. Resources
Next, write down “Values.” This represents your faith, concepts of right and wrong, priorities, likes and dislikes…
9. Values
Last, write down the activity that brings you the most joy.
10. Hanging out talking & laughing with close friends
Now, which four things on this list could you live without? Mark through them now.
1. Becky
2. Husband
3. Brian and Amy
4. American?
5. Knowledge
6. Home
7. Cultural Information
8. Resources
9. Values
10. Hanging out talking & laughing with close friends
Now, I promise everything will be OK.
You will be just fine.
Give up two more.
1. Becky
2. Husband
3. Brian and Amy
4. American?
5. Knowledge
6. Home
7. Cultural Information
8. Resources
9. Values
10. Hanging out talking & laughing with close friends
Now, I am the almighty social worker.
Trust me.
And give up two more.
I couldn’t. I couldn’t imagine life with any less than this.
I teared up a little. I was surprised at the deep sadness that gripped me. Beyond empathy. Beyond compassion. I think it was mourning.
I mourned all that the children I don’t yet know will give up to become my children.
Am I worthy of all this sacrifice?
Is anyone?
