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When it comes to labor and delivery I can handle the blood and fluid and yes, even the poop. I am getting better at separating myself from the pain of the woman in labor and suffocating my natural tendency toward empathy. I don't need to look away at any point during a birth anymore. Because of all of that I have mentally come to a place where studying midwifery is something that seems like the next logical thing to do.
I am working around both the real and perceived obstacles that stand in the way of the official course-work beginning. I'm thinking about how I could study with the kids, how I could do better at prioritizing my time, how I could kill face-book once and for all. I'm examining my tendency toward fooling around and wasting time and my general bitterness and rebellion toward rules and authority and anything resembling a "should". (As in, you should be studying.)
Additionally I'm wondering if I have the ability to learn medical terminology and memorize facts. I'm questioning my intelligence and discipline. Questioning it a lot. I know that given a choice after the kids are in bed, nine times out of ten I will choose the unproductive (Modern Family) over the productive (returning emails, writing thank-yous, studying Kreyol) .
All that to say that basically I'm in a place of getting some of the logistics worked out in my mind. I'm not ready to start until I am more certain that I won't fail.
Yeah, yeah, yeah - failure is the road that paved the way to success and yada yada yada with all the Zig Zigler quotes ... the only failure is not trying, failure is not final, blah blah blah blah blah. Yes, I know failing isn't the end of the world but I'd rather not start only to quit a few months down the line. I need to be uber certain I'm up for the hard work first.
John McHoul started early on in Beth's move toward midwifery calling midwives - "weirdwives". He is a jerk and we expect teasing from him. He simply cannot help himself. I hate admitting any agreement with the man, but I smell what he's stepping in on this one.
One of my biggest and most serious concerns about this pending leap into "official" training in midwifery is that I don't fit the midwife mold. I'm not super earthy. I have nothing against pain medications. I don't think I could ever see home birth as the only or even the very best option ... (midwives everywhere are throwing cyber-rocks at my head right now) and I don't know that I'd ever want to circle up and sing love songs to my life-giving uterus with hundreds of other women at some convention. (I assume this happens tri-annually.)
The thing is, midwives are kind of weird. Like a lot weird at times. I know there are midwives reading this. Sorry. We are all weird people, it is just that you are weirder.
Midwives say things about vaginas the same way regular people discuss politics or talk about a new restaurant they tried or a movie they enjoyed.
It begs the question - can I just throw the word vulva or placenta or mucus plug into my every day vernacular? Can I? Can I do it without bright red cheeks blushing in embarrassment? That is a prerequisite you know. If I cannot confidently and unapologetically say words beginning with 'V' and often times ending in ina or ulva - I am clearly not the real deal. I'd be seen as an impostor - a poser - and not cut out for the real world or work of midwifery - and therein lies my problem.
"V ... Va .... Vvvvvvaaa"
Nope. Can't do it yet.
29 comments:
You could be an even EARTHIER midwife and use the word yoni instead. It's easier to say than vagina.
This is me too. I'm no where near earthy enough, but I've been heading in the midwifery direction. Nursing school first. I start next week. I am not that person that talks about such things in conversation, but somehow I will not quit. I've made deals with myself, with my family and with God.
DO IT, KIDDO!!!! Dooooooooo iiittttttttt. you used the word VERNACULAR, and used it correctly, you can say vulva at a dinner party. its kind of like when you had to become comfortable with Chicks In Bras On Bicycles??? its like that. ( still my all time favorite blog post, except for the near drowning scare part) YOU WILL SUCCEED. you already are ;) love Al
Well, I've been reading your blog for quite a long time now, so I feel confident in saying you are plenty weird enough to be a midwife. (I'm smiling fondly as I type that). You will succeed and become more then you are now. And isn't that what it's all about anyhow?
I, for one, look forward to reading about it, blood, poop and all.
PS: Who cares about all those fancy scary words, anyhow? Plenty of euphemisms to choose from!
Jersey Beth
I am cracking up in aggreement... but as a non-earthy lady... I would probably choose someone similar in disposition, epidural loving, and non-"V" word chatting tendencies to be my midwife... there's room for both kinds :)
You can so do this. As a fellow time-waster and rule-bucker, I'm going to think of a similar challenge for myself as a show of support. Any ideas?
vulva vulva vulva vulva vagina vagina vagina vagina.
that was my attempt at therapeutic exposure.
you're welcome.
I think a lot of women would love to have a midwife like you! In my opinion, bring on the hospital and pain meds. I wouldn't have a home birth if you paid me!! (It strikes me as ironic that women in first world countries would WANT to give birth at home when women around the globe die giving birth because they can't get to a hospital). In all seriousness, I say go for it! You will do amazing.
Do what Oprah did--she called it, "The Vah-jay-jay!"
I DO feel your pain. I was reared Catholic and attended parochial schools. It took me years of working through the penis glossary before I could actually say the word. (I just cringed as I typed it.) Can anyone say pee-pee, weenie,dork, johnson, ding dong, junk...?
I saw this post on Twitter and had to come check out your blog. SO, so glad I did. I laughed all the way through and could relate to many points. We ARE all weird and some are weirder.
We have sponsored a child in Haiti through World Vision for the last 8 years. I look forward to following your blog.
Ok I am worried no Candis just commented that Dork is another word for penis. Not in Australia it isn't I have called all of my Haiti friends including your children Tara Dorks many a time and now I feel nauseous. Thanks for the education I will refrain from the use of dork in the future :)
I wonder if Candis meant donk -- I don't know of a penis being called a dork either Bec ... no worries there Aussie friend. Candis needs to come back and clear that up for us!
What do you mean? I was under the impression that "dirty hippies" make the best midwives! ;)
The beauty of being in Haiti is that you are on Haitian time. Just do bits and see how it goes. You sound like you are getting more experience than a college nursing student in Ohio would be just reading about it. I am going back to school after 25 years of nursing (when did I get old?). It's fun to re-invent yourself. AND forgive yourself if you don't succeed at first.(And forgive me if I don't pass this 5 hour 40 minute CPC exam tomorrow!) Go for it and love yourself, your patients and mostly God. You'll do fine.(FYI- My word verification is dummos and I am trying not to take that personally)
Actually a professor of oceanography introduced us to that word. For the rest of you non-believers:
http://webster-dictionary.net/definition/dork
Just wait - lessons are coming up on cooking placenta!
I am far from earthy, but love birth and my goal is to be a midwife someday and do home births. I am a to each his or her own kinda person, comfortable with things i probably would never do. that being said... i am very comfortable with saying vagina, yoni, clitoris, labia, etc. I think that all little girls should know and be comfortable with the proper names are for their own body.
good luck with your studies!
nipple
I just love how honest you are! Think of using sign language for vagina and vulva. Other people may think you're saying "peace" but you'll know what it really means. :-)
Beverly in Ohio
Never cease to crack me up...I taught Microbiology this past spring at the local college, I was so surprised how many times I needed to use the words you mentioned. I got over it, you will too! You'd be great and eventually once you start studying you will like it so much it will almost become as much fun as the other things your normally do at night once the kids are down, well almost :)
OMG, I probably have to get used to terminology such as this for teaching health. CRAP!!!! I blush thinking about blushing.
-b
I've been concerned to share this little story for fear of creepy work seaches but we're all throwing around the words...
After my daughter who's three, started calling her girl parts her "loo-loot," I taught her the word labia. We've also talk about the names of other body parts. Sometimes she gets them confused and the other day she said, "Mom, open your mouth. I want to see your labia."
"Um, it's called a uvula, honey."
Glad we were just at home. :)
You continue to crack me up!
We call them "madwives" in the UK and I was about to start studying to be one before my then missionary boyfriend swept me off my feet (and my continent) and we became missionaries!
From reading your blog I would suggest that you are just wierd enough to be a midwife yet "normal" enough to to put the average woman off!
I totally understand the not wanting to start until you know you won't fail. Start when you are ready and enjoy the madwife journey =)
Jen
Oh please Tara... Seriously?... You can SO do this. This makes total sense. Do it!
You will fit right in!
bonnye in west sacramento
Tara,
I don't know if you heard of this, but you might want to consider being an OB-PA.
http://www.paobgyn.org/Home
Might be a little faster than going all the way back to nursing school.
Food for thought.
The Steen's
hi tara...i started the midwifery journey in my 40's. i never got registered because it would have taken me off the mission field and cost me $5000 insurance/year, but i became a really really good lay midwife. the academic route is not for everyone- i have good friends who are experienced and careful "madwives" who have no papers to prove it, just hundreds of births under their belts and lots of self-study. which ever way you decide to go, you sound quite motivated. take your time deciding, take your time doing the course, if that's the direction you do opt for, and one step at a time. also, just a tip: you know you're a real midwife when you're having dinner with other madwives/weirdwives and telling placenta stories and laughing and your husbands can't eat any more because they're going to puke. we always said if you can drink coffee and eat cinnamon rolls while stitching up a perineum, you're the real deal. blessings!
When my husband and I were searching for a midwife for the home birth of our son last year, it took a looonnnngggg time to find the not weird, down-to-earth midwife that fit our style. We finally found her and we LOVE her. (She's helping us with baby #2 in a few months!). I don't know you in RL but you shine through your writing bright and clear. In some ways, you really sound a lot like her - funny, kind, genuine, honest, realistic, and caring. We NEED more midwives that *aren't* ODD (not to mention more Christian midwives who truly understand the beauty of God's creation and gift of life!). Keep praying on it (and sharing your journey with us, please!)
Tara,
When I started working on getting certified to be a doula I was afraid I wasn't going to "fit the mold". I am not super earthy as you know, I know nothing about herbs and holistic medicine and I do beleive there is a place for medical intervention. But, despite all that I went for it and I LOVE my job. The women I work with come to me because I'm not all the things I thought I had to be in order to do the job.
I've seen your compassion and tenderness with others. But, I've also seen you be tough and brutally honest even when it isn't what that person wants to hear. It's that honesty that will make you an amazing midwife.
So go for it! If you are called to it, God will get you through it!
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