Photos And Oswald's Thoughts

There are times in spiritual life when there is confusion, and it is no way out to say that there ought not to be confusion. It is not a question of right and wrong, but a question of God taking you by a way which in the meantime you do not under stand, and it is only by going through the confusion that you will get at what God wants.

In Luke 11:5-8 Jesus gave the illustration of the man who looked as if he did not care for his friend, and He said that that is how the Heavenly Father will appear to you at times. You will think He is an unkind friend, but remember He is not; the time will come when everything will be explained. There is a cloud on the friendship of the heart, and often even love itself has to wait in pain and tears for the blessing of fuller communion. When God looks completely shrouded, will you hang on in confidence in Him?

In Luke 11:11-13 Jesus says there are times when your Father will appear as if He were an unnatural father, as if He were callous and indifferent, but remember He is not; I have told you - "Everyone that asketh receiveth." If there is a shadow on the face of the Father just now, hang onto it that He will ultimately give His clear revealing and justify Himself in all that He permitted.

Luke 18:1-8 - "When the Son of Man cometh, shall He find faith on the earth?" Will He find the faith which banks on Him in spite of the confusion? Stand off in faith believing that what Jesus said is true, though in the meantime you do not under stand what God is doing. He has bigger issues at stake than the particular things you ask.

-Oswald Chambers

Happy Weekend

Hope and Ike are back at school. Today was purple day ... we all agreed that most kids would not have purple to wear and not to worry about it. It was 40 degrees when we got up this morning so they chose sweatshirts. It is so cute how excited they are to get their backpacks on and go.

The other night when we were praying for Troy and Phoebe I asked the Lord to be with Troy and Phoebe and to keep them safe, then I prayed that He would be with us and help us too. When I finished Isaac said, "Well, is Jesus in Haiti with Dad and Phoebe or is He here in America with us?" :)

Britt got her photo in the local paper. (above) It said something about "Britt and the rest of the Rangers team took 9th ..." which is kind of funny for a girl who has been on the team for less days than any other swimmer. She was sheepish about it and said she would not blame the other swimmers for being annoyed.

Noah is spending the day with Grandma Livesay. At first he was mad about it and wanted me to stay with him all day ... but when we got there and he saw the toys, his Grandma AND TWO DOGS --- two new dogs to chase... he was totally indifferent to my departure. I have never seen a little boy that loves dogs and cats so much.

One of the dogs at Grandma's house is the dog that once belonged to us. Noah has no memory of "Farley" (named after the late, great, Chris Farley) because we had to give her to Troy's parents when Hope and Isaac came home from Haiti. Farley did not really dig having little kids come into her house and take away her spot as the baby. Since that time she has been spoiled rotten by Troy's parents and is a fat, fat Cocker Spaniel. She also now has only three legs ... which is not really all that funny on the surface --- but for whatever reason it entertains us. Noah did not notice the missing leg until I pointed it out this morning. He barely said goodbye when I left ... which for him is amazing. He usually flips into high-drama mode at the mention of being separated.

Paige and I are at the library. She is currently studying for a spelling test that will be given to her in about 12 minutes. We're planning to stay here and do school until it is time to go to swim practice.

This morning we learned that our renter ... you know, the WONDERFUL renter that I never want to lose --- well, she is buying a house later this year. When I talked to Troy he was all positive and unaffected ... which is really nice --- but maybe a tiny bit annoying too. What if a girl just wants to commiserate a bit?

Troy said, "Hey, I think it is great that she is leaving now when we are in MN to screen and find a new renter and deal with the whole thing." (I love you Troy - you are rock solid. Someday soon I will learn to be more like you -- just not today.)

After I hung up Paige asked what he thought. I repeated what he said and she said, "How can he always be so up and positive? If someone told him the sky was falling he would just say -- Yeah well at least we know that it is falling ahead of time!"

I am SO glad that God is in BOTH Haiti and MN (even if Isaac is unsure) because I need His peace to help me with the new prospect of finding someone else to trust with our home ... or making a decision if we need to do something other than finding another renter. Another decision ... you know how I feel about that.

wwwwaaaaaah wah.

Wishing you all a great weekend.

Love, your friend,

Debbie Downer

Don't try this at home

I finally gave in and bought a French Silk Pie. No such excellence in chocolate-pie-goodness exists in Haiti. I dream of French Silk Pie. I made it more then two weeks before the big break-down. It is my favorite food group. Just as I feared, I ate three pieces in three hours and now I want to hurl. Uuuuuugh.

I had my OB appt today. I learned that in about 2 lbs I will pass Troy up and officially reach maximum density. That was BEFORE I ate the pie. The rest of the appointment was uneventful. Troy, go eat a few dozen pounds of lard please.

Last night my parents took JUST me to a nice dinner. The time was spent flipping in and out of the ugly-faced-cry. They seemed to think that I am still mostly sane. I gotta believe that under better hormonal circumstances I would cry less and be less fearful. I am working on the fear part and recognize that my fear is not really only new-baby-related. I am feeling nervous about Britt being so far away and on her own soon, nervous about getting back to Haiti and needing to homeschool Hope and Isaac and Paige while having the baby brigade too. I just feel unable to be everything to everyone all at once. The concerns are indeed somewhat rational, but the worrying and fear are counter-productive --- so I find myself attempting to grab the reigns and knock off the stinkin-thinkin (Stuart Smalley fans???) and move forward in HIS strength, not my own.

After the Zoo yesterday I broke down crying when Noah was being a pill and disobeying me. Isaac came over and said, "Oh Mom, you need some love because you are just so pregnant." Then he hugged and kissed me. Isaac is the ultimate encourager.

Tonight Hope had a really good question that begs an answer. She was eating dinner and she said, "Ma, why do they call it Cottage Cheese when it is mostly just cottage?"

Hope and Ike are psyched because this is a three day week for Kindergarten. They get to go again tomorrow! They attend full day (9-3:30) on Tues - Thur - and every other Friday. It really seems to work for them. So far they have only wonderful things to say about school, the teacher, the kids, and what they're learning. Hurray for that!

~Tara

Troy ... I want to hug you. (I would be careful not to crush you.) That dancing video is really not that far off -- I miss laughing at your masterful moves, I think you should demonstrate your skills on video for real. Noah got a hair-cut today. It is sort of Ryan Seacrest but with an attitude. He looks more like you now. Love you. Miss you. Kiss Phoebe for us.

Yesterday's Zoo Photos for Troy

Noah wanted there to be a Rhino, Isaac was wishing for Dinasours, Hope seemed content with the experience. Paige was generally indifferent.

Sara Groves - I saw what I saw

Our Reunion

Star in Your Own JibJab! It's Free!I should really be working on expense reports, but this was way too fun.
-T

Drinking Problem?

Troy sent me this photo with the title "I think she has a drinking problem."

As he has attempted to manage the mission and his active 10 month old baby-girl, the need to degaje (just make something work) has happened numerous times.

Here Phoebe was exhausted from missing nap and clearly she is about to waste away and cannot miss a bottle ... So Troy made her a bottle at the water cooler, handed it to her and went to the gate to deal with whatever there was to deal with. When he came back, this is what he found.

;-) Some would call it neglect, poor parenting, unsafe ... not me. Good work babe. Napping can happen anywhere, nobody said a crib is the only place a girl can catch some zzzz's. My only question - WHERE are her capris that match that shirt? ;-) Kidding ... I am only kidding.

Tonight I am determined not to pad around the house from 1 to 3 am --- I have a plan to combat the insomnia ... not with Phoebe's method of hitting the bottle --- but with actually pulling out my Bible and reading. Bright idea, huh?!?!?! Yeah. It did not occur to me last night. Troubling, isn't it? What should I read ... God's word OR crap on the Internet. Certainly the sleep deprivation has fogged my bettter judgement. Or at least that is the excuse I am using.

We are all pretty pumped up for tomorrow. We have a trip planned to the Como Zoo in St.Paul. It is a pretty fun and decent zoo that also happens to be FREE ... which is right in our price range. Woot. Remember Hope asked if we could go to the jungle when we got back to Minnesota ... well, she meant the Zoo and tomorrow her wish will be granted. *I* like this zoo because it is small and easy to navigate and we will be able to see everything in under two point five hours ... meaning we are back long before nap time.

Both Hope and Ike enjoyed another great day of Kindergarten today (they go two and three days a week alternating) and I enjoyed when the teacher called me to tell me that, 'They are such amazingly KIND children." My heart was warmed. Troy is rubbing off on them. ;-) I also enjoyed seeing the booklet of the kids in their class. It was put together so the kids could work on learning names on the non-school days. Isaac had told me there was "one other brown kid -- maybe from Haiti" -- but Hope had corrected him saying, "No he is sort of brown but he is from here I think." They showed me the kid; he MIGHT have some Italian genes. Maybe he has a great-grandpa in Chile - at best. They are funny little people ... but they are right, their class is very blonde hair - blue eye, sort of Scandinavian Barbie looking kids ... so this kid does appear "different." I love to hear them think it all through and see things through their eyes.

School's In Session

School here at the mission officially started yesterday. The year is off to an inauspicious start. Half of our other schools that Lifeline sponsors did not open on time...(one had a funeral for the director's sister-in-law, one director apparently had better things to do this week, and one just decided next week would be better)...they've received encouraging letters from me as of today, pointing out that in order to continue supporting their schools........................they should probably open the school. It is normal here for the school year to have a slow start; many families don't have enough money for the books and uniforms required until a month, sometimes two months after the year has started - and sadly sometimes not at all, so they wait for the next year to see if they can scrounge enough. That isn't the case here locally, but that's because Lifeline provides all the books and the uniforms and other needs are subsidized.

No matter how hard you try - you cannot overcome cultural differences. Case in point - my 'home' culture has expectations of planning ahead and being prepared in advance of forseeable events. This culture has no such notion. Yesterday, the day school opened, the director of our on-site school reported that there are some textbooks he doesn't have yet, and he's not sure who is teaching second grade. Hello? Excuse me?

I was in Port au Prince with this man two times last week getting books...last year we had similar issues so I've been on him for A YEAR now to get more organized and prepared...during a third trip to Port by myself I called him to verify we were all set and there wasn't anything else needed for Monday's opening...ten minutes into the schoolyear he had a list a page long of other things we need. And when the needs list is handed to the white man with the money tree growing out back, everything is an emergency. I was nice, as I now understand how things work here, but once back in the office I gave a silent scream and shook my fists in the air for a minute.

As a director of a school, I assume one of the most important jobs would be to "direct" the school. Part of "directing", in my mind, would be making sure that each class actually has a teacher. I'm no expert, but that's my line of thinking on the matter. Apparently I am wrong. I knew we had made some changes to the staff for this year, I gave my suggestions, oversaw the contract procedures, and signed off on the whole deal. I was feeling pretty good having all of this taken care of a week before school started. Shortly after, however, the teacher assigned to the second grade went AWOL and another new teacher was chosen to replace him. What the director failed to mention to me is that then that replacement decided not to teach, and therefore we started school one body short in the teaching position. Oh well, no one else seemed nearly as stressed about that as I was, and by the end of the day it was all worked out. This fourth-string teacher actually seems better than the first three options...and he's actually showed up for the first two days now, so that's good.

A flood of parents have come in recent weeks seeking help with money for uniforms, shoes, schoolbags, bikes, books, you name it. I've done what I could to find those who were truly needy and used up what resources we had available to help. I thought that was done. Wrong-O, Mr. Missionary. Did I mention that planning ahead wasn't necessarily a strong suit around here? For the last two days there has been a constant stream of people coming - to sign kids up for school a month after registration ended, to request a change in our school's uniforms, to ask for money for other back to school items, etc. Again, we're doing what we can. Most of them have been able to get help, fortunately, but as you can probably tell by now - it's wearing me out a little teeny bit.

The cooks and the food issues are a whole other story, just more of the same...for instance - after telling them that school would start Monday, and then finding out that some schools weren't starting, everyone was on a different page as far as how much food to cook and where to send it and it took ALL DAY to straighten it out. You would have thought that the sky was falling over La Digue's canteen. I eventually solved the problem to everyone's liking when I assured the cooks and reminded them that even if we did send food to a school that wasn't open yet - there would still be hungry kids around to eat it. Sure enough, all the buckets came back empty at the end of the day.

The final fitting act of the sorry first school day - the piece de resistance - happened when the director left on his motorcycle carrying two of our teachers on their way home. At the end of the driveway, they lost control and wiped out - all three and their bookbags sprawled all over across the dirt road. Fortunately, no one was badly injured. I seriously considered closing the school and trying again next week like the others.

Today was a little better...but only because there weren't any motor-vehicle accidents. Otherwise, it was pretty much the same. Give us a week or two, and we'll get it all ironed out....and I guarantee I'm the only one around here who will be stressed out until it is.

T

One more thing...

Troy called around dinner time. The little kids all got to talk to him briefly.

Isaac got on the phone and said this ... (word for word)

"Hi daddy, it is Isaac - remember? You know, your number one son ... The brown Haitian guy."

We now return you to your blog about Haiti.

Troy? It's all you.

While you were sleeping ...

I was not.

And that is why I am going slowly crazy.

Topics Googled this early morning:
1. 7th Child
2. How often do children have Colic?
3. How can I tell if my baby will be easy?
5. Pregnancy Insomnia
6. Babies conceived in January - are they super-duper nice little babies?

I learned almost nothing.

78% of women experience insomnia during pregnancy. So, there is that. This is the singular piece of information that seemed like it might be accurate.

I was hoping to find more useful information. If there were something out there that said, "The 7th child is always a perfect angel," I might be able to go back to bed and fall asleep peacefully. But no. There is nothing that says that. Not anywhere. On the bright side I did not find anything that said 7th children- have worse diapers, more frequent bowel movements, more crying jags, cost more to raise, do more time behind bars, or are generally a terrible problem for their parents.

Here is what I did find. Take a look at these gems, useful pieces of information, are they not? (And, the main reason the Internet is called the InterNOT by my husband.)


"Rayid has been formulated over the last 25 years in America by Denny Johnson. It is an ongoing evolving system that began as an accurate, original and unique way of reading the eye. Because of the popularity of Rayid in South America where most eyes are very dark, Denny formulated another original method of consultation. This is the remarkable system of Rayid birth order.

Combining birth order with the iris has created perhaps one of the most powerful tools available to understand an individual. The main purpose of Rayid is to assist the individual towards his/her potential by maximising the genetic gifts.

Rayid birth order is a very accurate indicator of personality type and the likely life path of an individual. By understanding the different birth order positions you learn about yourself and your children. Each child is unique and needs very different parental guidance from other siblings. By understanding birth position you can assist your child to reach their potential by bringing out their innate gifts. This knowledge is truly exciting. There are six different types of male siblings and six female sibling types. Boys one to six in the family each have unique personalities, interests and gifts. Girls one to six are all very different from each other as well. If there is a 7th child it will behave like the first etc. By understanding birth order one understands yourself and/or your children." (7th child behaving like first is a good thing ... if true.)

OR

"Vaz da Silva created a complex formula—he calls it his "Trinity" or "Triune" equation—to describe this phenomenon of Otherness found in seventh-born children. Simply stated, the equation shows how the seventh born child is removed from the family since his or her birth disrupts the Trinity pattern (two groups of three children have come before it). The last-born is therefore not fully connected with the social world. Its association with the number seven means that the child shares its existence with the realm of the dead, since in Iberian folklore the last seven years of a person's life are spent between living and death. By assigning the first-born the position of godparent to the last-born, the older sibling brings the youngest closer to the family and aids in the child's integration into the land of the living." (This guy also says 7th children turn into werewolves.) (Isn't this wonderfully valuable and credible information?)

AND...

Flavor Flav expecting his seventh child - Flavor Flav (real name William Drayton Jr.), 47, founded the hip-hop group Public Enemy in the '80s. (Hey, if Flavor Flav can do it ... certainly T & T can!?!?!?!!!!)

OR

Malcom X was a 7th child - In African mythological culture it is believed that the seventh child will emerge as a leader of his people. (Dad - did you know Malcom X was born in Omaha, Nebraska?) (If you are not African can your child emerge as a leader?)

OR

Somewhat unrelated but still located based on these life-changing google searches-

Charles Darwin's 7th kid, "Frank" was a botonist. Frank's mother and the wife to Charles, (Emma) was a devout Christian. (No equal yoking there!)

Lastly - still totally irrelevant ...

The Number 7

The number 7 is equally sacred amongst Islamic, Christian and Jewish religions. According to Jewish and Christian mythologies it took six days to create the world with the seventh day being the holiest day - a day of rest. The Bible, Zohar and other religious texts also recommend that fields were to be left fallow every seventh year as means of allowing the earth to regenerate itself. Some Christians believe the number 7 represents the seven levels of hell.

It is Hebrew tradition to mourn for a period of 7 days as well as celebrate holidays by lighting a menorah: a 7 branched candelabra.

The number 7 is associated with the colors violet, purple and plum.

7’s gemstone is amethyst.

Flowers associated with 7 are irises and deep purple roses.

Some common superstitions about the number 7 are:

* If your date of birth can be reduced to a single number that can be divided by seven then you will have a particularly lucky life.
* Shattering a mirror brings 7 years of bad luck.
* If you sing before 7 am then you will cry before 11 am.
* Wrapping her husband’s belt 7 times around a tree causes a woman to become fertile.
* The seventh child of a seventh child is said to have psychic powers.
* If you wash your hair on the 7th day of the month you will have trouble with the law.
* It is unlucky to get married April 7th or December 7th.
* If you dream about the number 7, you will soon meet a soul mate.


I already have my soul mate. Now what? I don't need to dream. I just need to sleep.
~tara

Bon Voyage Jen!

Tomorrow, September 11th our friend Jen Halverson is moving to Haiti. She is a Pediatrician that we enjoyed meeting about a year or more ago. She is from the great state of MN and will be residing in Haiti for the next 9 months to work with St. Damiens hospital in Tabarre. Please pray for her as she settles into life in Haiti and her new postion in the E.R. there. She is a super-cool chick, is very smart, and already knows Creole so things should go well for her. Prayers are still always appreciated.

I can barely sort out what I think about anything -- it is imparing my ability to write. Also, Noah refuses to sleep through the night and his wake-ups along with my dicomfort/insomnia are making me feel too tired to write something intelligent or funny. And, our internet is not working in our apartment ... so you see -- my excuses are many.

I spend the afternoon at the house we own (or the bank owns) yesterday. Our renter is great, I never want her to leave. When she does leave we have big decisions to make. I don't want to make those decisions anytime soon. Being in the house we first bought together and going through our crap just makes me all confused about everything. I hate that "stuff" can do that to me. It is just odd to see your whole previous life packed into a storage room.

I have some photos of the girls on the dock at the house. Once I have internet downstairs I will add them to this post.

Troy, this is getting too long now. I miss you so much. I cannot wait until you are here.

~Tara

Sophia

Sophia and her Grandmother came to visit us this week. Sophia has returned to live with Gran again now that she is healthy and walking. Thank you so much Licia and Lori for your hard work and dedication. Sophia had been staying at the Cazale Rescue Center for about a year.

Here she is before:

and after:

She's still full of sass and attitude, and not that into smiling for the camera...let alone at all. She has a special place in our hearts after having her in our home for a while last year, and we're so happy she is thriving now and back with her family. God is so good, and it's a great encouragement to us to see the success stories like this one.

Hope

We temporarily live north of Minneapolis/St. Paul about 30 miles. In a lovely suburb oddly named Ham Lake.

Today as Hope and I left the University of MN campus (not as white as Ham Lake) she said. "So Ma, there are a few Haitians here huh?"

I said, "Why do you ask, did you see someone that looked Haitian to you?"

She said, "Yes, down here today I saw a few."

All people of African descent are from Haiti ... at least according to Hope.

:-)

Dear Troy,

You should blog because I have nothing interesting to say. I wish the phone would work, I cannot hear a single thing you are saying. Just another reason you should blog. We're missing you guys.

I went to the U of M today - for a swim meet Britt was in. The lady at the door thought Hope was my biological daughter. I am still trying to figure that one out. ???? How?

What is going on in Haiti? How is Phoebe?

We love you!

T- B - P - I - H - N - 7 - Nutdog

Strange Story

Hope, Isaac, Noah and I all went into a grocery store together. Hope and Noah were riding in the cart, Ike was standing next to me helping me push. We were headed down the dairy aisle.

Out of the blue this kid, maybe 5 or 6 years old, standing with a cart in front of us looks back at us and says "You frickin people..." His mother slapped her hand over his mouth and picked him up to carry him further away from us.

We all looked at each other in disbelief. Noah said, "Mom, did that kid just say frickin people to us?" I said, "Yeah, he did. Strange huh?"

Hope said, "He is a bad boy."

Isaac said, "Well, he might be a bad boy but he might be a good boy just doing a bad thing." (Isn't he full of grace and mercy?)

Then the three of them had a discussion about what would cause a kid to lash out at them. They reasoned that his mom taught him that or that the devil did. It was an entirely entertaining conversation. We have this Ken Ham, Answers in Genesis book about Adam and Eve. They are very focused on the devil and the role he played in tricking Eve.

We did not see the kid again during our shopping. But he sure provided lots of material for discussion and speculation.
:)

Enough Already

By Britt:

Ladies and gents of the blogosphere, I have a very important announcement to make:

We are going to tell you the sex of '7.' Why now, you ask? Well we (Paige & I) figure that my mom has done a superb job thus far of respecting our wishes - that this one little something be kept secret for a while. But honestly, I've had enough already. Look at the polls! I think the Michigan team is cheating. ;-) You cannot vote if you actually know seven's gender!

Also, in light of recent days and my mother's publicized denial of her fourth unplanned pregnancy .... that will indeed yield a BABY at 8am on October 4th ...... I think it is high time to shine some light on the situation. Nothing against the opposite sex, but if you really knew our boys you would know that two is the perfect number & maximum capacity for this family.

'7' will be my fourth baby sister. I'm trying to convince my mom that maybe God believes in "saving the best for last." :D Here is an interesting facts about the number 7:

• 7 is the number of spots on the common ladybug
• I thought that this is a good illustration - my mom being the ladybug, each of her kids being a spot ;) Maybe I've just discovered a new nickname!
  

Paige has always been a big fan of the show "7th Heaven." In the past she has said that she would someday like to have her very own 7th Heaven (with her playing Annie Camden, not 2nd oldest Mary.) I would never admit to liking that show at one time and definitely do not share Paige's dreams of being the next Annie Camden or Tara Livesay, but it is kind of ironic how we are about to have our very own 7th Heaven. Peanut is a way cooler dog name then "Happy" though. And did you know that Matt the oldest kid became a doctor? Weird.

7th Heaven is the highest realm of Heaven in Judaism. It is synonymous to bliss and extreme happiness. That sounds awesome, doesn't it? Mom - EXTREME happiness! What could be better?

I am sure that '7', like my other three sisters, will be a gift - a sweet, well-behaved, calm gift. I love all of my siblings (this post is not meant to be boy-bashing in nature) but it's unfair to let you all go on thinking that '7' is a boy. I'm sure she's offended in the womb. Maybe that's why she never stops moving - you've upset her with your misled assumptions and male name ideas. ;)

So there you have it folks, now my mom can use the feminine tense when referring to '7' in posts for the next 27 days. She is 'she' or 'her' only. We have our secret-giving limits, you know. Names cannot be revealed until after delivery. ~Britt (Paige too)

Men At Work

Nut Dog and Nuts

The good news:
Nut Dog will never have a crisis pregnancy. I will never have to deal with unplanned Dingo-Mastiff puppies. She is barren. As of today her reproductive options are seriously limited. If she wants children she will need to get a homestudy done and adopt.

The bad news:
The vet charged $70 more then he quoted. The Vet and Avis ... don't use them ... AND, Peanut does not understand that the cone on her head is bigger than her head and she smacks into walls and things. She got stuck on the knob on the kitchen cabinet and seemed to not have any solution for getting unstuck. She is doing well other than that. She is the nicest dog ever. She acts like nothing changed and is not being weird about her new temporary home.

Troy made a good point on the phone tonight. In Haiti people beg for money and you feel the constant pressure of that decision. In America they just take it from you. He thinks maybe being asked is better than being taken. I concur.

Above, to the left, is the dog loving Britt during her portion of the drive. That photo was taken somewhere between Chattanooga, TN and Champaign/Urbana. To the right, Paige, Britt (and Noah) -- not having their senses assaulted by old ladies showering nude in the Junior High locker room. Cute little swimmer girls, aren't they?

I need to thank you all for not telling me I am dumb to be nervous. I appreciated the nice comments. But mostly I liked that no one said, "Oh you idiot; I have 16 kids and no husband, I live in a van down by the river and I am pregnant with triplets and you are stupid to be nervous. Get over it."

No one even said it was odd to be scared. Which is good because odd or not, I am scared. As much as I researched and googled it -- I cannot find the statistics about what percentage of babies are bad. 1 in 7 - 1 in 20 or even less??? I am not sure what the odds are. Here is hoping my lucky streak is not over.

Troy remembers Noah as being a difficult newborn. I don't. Maybe that is a good sign. Maybe I already had my one bad baby. The odds are improving.

The one fact pointed out to me that I have neglected to focus on in recent days ... God makes no mistakes.

I actually did not plan Britt. A senior in High School usually doesn't. I did not plan Paige. A divorced young mom of one usually doesn't. I truly did not plan Noah because we had two brand spanking new wonderful little Haitian Sensations and we thought we were infertile. So, this pregnancy makes four kids that I did not plan. Basically, our adoptions we planned for and actively sought ... pregnancy is something that I am incapable of planning.

Surely God knows what He is doing ... like you so kindly and gently reminded me. (You do know, don't you Lord?)

Anyway- thanks for understanding and allowing it to be vented.

Cute things said today-

Isaac- "Mooooom, Noah just called me fat!"
Me- smiling
Isaac- "I am not even pregnant!"

Isaac- "Mom, Noah is harassing me." (Had no idea he knew that word.)

Me- (ranting a bit) - "Guys, WHY do I need to get mad and raise my voice before you'll listen? Are you not capable of listening the first time I ask something?"
Isaac (answering my rhetorical question)- "Absolutely!"
(sadly, I think he is right)

Noah- (To Troy on the phone) "Hi daddy, I yove you sooo much. Is Phoebe there? Can I talk to her? Can I hear her say 'Da Da' - I miss you daddy. Are you in Haiti? Okay bye daddy." (drops phone runs to next activity before Troy can even respond)

Goodnight all.

Thursday --- HAPPY BIRTHDAY Laura Livesay!!!

I am not blogging today...

... but if I WERE going to blog, this is what it would say...

I got used to the idea of being pregnant. I did. It took time. There was some denial, a lot of denial ... but I got there. I do feel quite pregnant. I accept pregnancy.

The problem:

I have never gotten to the next step. I don't feel like we can do another baby. I feel panicked when I think about trying to add a newborn into the mix. I have enough on my plate as it is. I like sleeping at night. I like my family the way it is right now. I am scared silly for this. What if I never get to go for a run again as long as I live? I might never read a book again. What if this is a really difficult baby. I have had six nice babies, certainly statistically one in seven babies is a bad baby.

I hate watching that dumb ticker at the bottom of the blog because it just keeps shrinking. Whose idea was that anyway?

I don't know if this is normal or if I am a total head-case - both seem possible. Someday I will have to tell this child that I had zero confidence in my ability to parent him/her well.

Most pregnancies result in a baby, I know this on some level ... I just never made the mental leap during THIS particular pregnancy. And now that it is closing in on me. I feel crazy-nervous. Not excited. Scared.

This is where I am. I would offer up apologies, but that seems silly. It just is what it is. So, that is why I am not blogging today: the things I am thinking could lead to harsh judgement of my state of mind. It is better to leave all of this in my head and NOT let it out on the world wide web. ;-(

Fuh - reek - ing - Out,
trpl

Silly Girls

I liked this story.

Paige and Britt walked into swim practice the other day. The pool has open lap swim for the "older" ladies and gents prior to their practice time.

Paige (who stands around talking to naked children in Haiti all the time) was totally scandalized and says to Britt under her breath, "They shower NAKED!?!?!??!?!"

Britt, being a bit more mature says, "Yeah ... that is typically the way it is done." Then as Paige continues to stir in her discomfort over the saggy old naked ladies, Britt says in Creole "Paige, ou ap gade konsa kek jou nan fitir!" which means- 'Paige, you are going to look just like that someday!'

Paige shook her head in disbelief and walked away.

They have a way to communicate without anyone else knowing what they're saying. Creole is not so widely used in mid-Minnesota. It's a secret club.