... But the years are short.
That is how the saying goes.
Troy constantly quotes the first half to me.
With each battle of the wills with Lydia he looks at me and says, "The days are long".
The other day we ate lunch in Dallas after Phoebe's post-op appointment. Lydia was embarrassingly rude to the waitress. She set down the lemonade and Lydie yelled, "NO! I no want that lemonade!" I asked her to say sorry for being rude. She refused. The waitress walked away. I took her to the restroom to talk about it and do the whole "You will choose discipline if you don't say you are sorry" routine. I returned to the table and said to Troy, "Prior to Lydia I was the parent that watched other people with kids like Lydia and slowly and disapprovingly shook my head at their misfortune and their cruddy parenting skills."
See. That is what I get for judging. This is payback. Is it a coincidence that the two strongest willed children in the house carry Troy's DNA? no. I think not.
Troy told me that he thinks it is weird (and not good weird) that after all these kids we now have one who refuses to let us do anything for her. If we do it, we pay. She has an attitude that screams, 'I never asked for parents'. We literally take 20 minutes to load the truck and leave because we let her "Do it me self" and climb in on her own. If you hand her her toothbrush, she will put it back in the drawer to take it out herself. When she would not hold my hand to cross a parking lot Troy said, "That Spirited Child book says to be sure to affirm her when she is being good ... which shouldn't be that hard since it is almost never."
The odd thing is ... anytime someone else takes care of her they tell us how awesome she is. They say she listens and cooperates. Listens. Cooperates. Two words we would never ever use to describe our last born. We love her. And... We no longer know anything at all about raising children.
... But the years are short.
:)
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Better to love God and die unknown than to love the world and be a hero; better to be content with poverty than to die a slave to wealth; better to have taken some risks and lost than to have done nothing and succeeded at it. -erwin lutzer
12 comments:
I believe the Lord gives us these strong-willed kids in order to keep us humble.
I'm the Mama of 12 ... but it was my first born that blazed the strong-willed path. God had to humble us from the very start.
Then ... we had quite a few of the "perfect child" come along, and people would oohh and aahh about our parenting. But, I would have to say, "You don't know our eldest. We have already walked through some TOUGH parenting stuff." Yes. He kept us humble.
Gotta tell you, though ... he is now 26 and we have an awesome and amazing relationship. He still doesn't always make the wisest choices ... and he still likes to embarrass his mama ... but the Lord has brought him through, and I am sure that the Lord will continue to turn his heart to the Lord's.
Be BLESSED!
Laurel :)
I was reading your blog and I remember how greatful I was for this article that was brought to my reading. I thought you might enjoy it as well. It is a 5 part series so when you go to the link you will see all of it. As for me finding you I found you thru a website for a little girl who has cancer and her mom and dad was in Haiti with you.. I think they must of went off line for there blog because I cant find them anymore and I have been thinking about them so much and praying and just wondered how she was and if you could give me any information on her progress. I sure do thank you and you have a beautiful family I do enjoy hearing about your journey. YOu are so blessed to have all these wonderful children. I will pray for you special child we have one of those too this article has helped me alot but still working on it at times. Thanks IN Christ Name, Anne
http://www.homemaking911.com/2009/08/15/the-difficult-child-part-1/
Hi Anne -
Thanks for the link to the article, I will check it out.
I think you are referring to the Whitaker Family. Cody and Maria can be found at www.howcantheyhear.org and they have a blog with updates on Susana their little girl fighting cancer.
Keep praying for their beautiful family!
T.
When mine were little, someone told me "The things about your kids that drive you crazy when they're small are the same things you will admire in them as adults" Mine aren't adults yet, but I'm already seeing the wisdom of the comment. Being a strong, independent girl means it is unlikely anyone will take advantage of her as an adult.....if she survives that long ;)
Your comment about the 2 strongest willed kids carrying Troy's DNA cracked me up. When you have both bio kids and adopted kids, you often have those thoughts--or at least I do. The whole nature/nurture debate. I know my daughter (adopted from Vietnam) loves creative things like art and COOKING which she certainly didn't get from the 2 parents she has now.
I will refrain from making any cracks on Troy, since I have never met him. John McHoul, on the other hand, is fair game.
Terri U.
I think God gives us some children as payback for all the unrepentant times when we rolled our eyes at other mom. I would never understand why parents let their "unruly" kids run all over the store, until I had my oldest and from the moment he could walk, I was the crazy mom chasing her toddler through out the store, church or restaurants(for the times I was brave enough to venture outside). I had a lot of time to feel sorry for all those other poor moms during my almost two years of self-imposed exile! But there is hope - he is now six and I no longer have to worry that his teachers will sneak some prozac into his snack to calm him down! Take heart - the years from age 1 to 2 1/2 where I was questioning my mothering abilities were not so much fun! But now, I can totally tell you he is a real joy to be around and one of the most fun person I know. I promise, you will get to a point where you forget this stage, kind of like forgetting birth pains and yearning to be pregnant again!
Dear Tara and Troy,
I'm reading your blog since a year or so. I keep smiling about the stories you tell about Lydia. I love her! Go for it girl.
But since I have a wonderful 3 year old Haitian boy home (I was in Haiti from 9 to 15 janary this year to get him....) I can fully understand what you are talking about. Why let somebody else do something for you, when you can do it yourself........ a bit slow, or damaging.......??? So maybe its the Haitian influence that works for her??
Thank you for your wonderful stories about your children and Haiti.
Tanja (from the netherlands; excuses for my bad Englisch)
Hee-larious... I love that little Lydia and I am glad the Lord gave her to you, I already have my spirited one: His name is Andrew and will be President somewhere around 2060, as spirited children will become good leaders you know :) I had a tough morning today, feeling like I am failing as a parent, feeling like I can't do it alone, but then a wise friend reminded me these aren't are children, they belong to the Lord (all of them) and as a body we will raise them the best we can and someday they will bear fruit, someday.
I have a girl just like her. I let God know all the time that since he made her and gave her to us, that I really need him to supply the wisdom for parenting. The strong willed ones are an adventure! It is very encouraging to hear you talk about the same issues.
Thank God for our miracle strong willed child.
I have one of those...so cute, but so defiant and strong-willed. She pulls the public persona as well, so people often doubt me when I share with them what our morning is like. Or look at me like it's a bit odd to arrive somewhere so harried and bedraggled when all of my children are just so calm and obedient at the point of arrival. Yep, it's a light-switch for her; unfortunately, I do have access to the switch!
I delight in your daughter's strong-willed nature, and wince with you at some of her attitude! Perhaps it's because she's the youngest and everyone is her boss, but she wants to have the chance to boss people around? (can you tell I'm the youngest, too?) Also, there's a reason why people capitalize The Terrible Twos...
--Bonnie
My daughter is cut from the same cloth. She would say "I do it by my selp!" Socks and all at 18 months. It was a long road, but now at almost 13, independence and a strong sense of what she will do and what she won't isn't looking quite as bad. Ask your cousin Shey (I'm Keith's sister) about Taylor, she will confirm she was a frightening toddler, but not nearly as scary as an almost teenager.
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