finding (summer) balance

Much can be said for people who are committed to their 'mission field', wherever it may be. 

Sometimes the truth is - their commitment to their mission field exceeds their commitment to God and family.

Beth told me early in our time in Haiti that "unhealthy people make the best missionaries".  

What she meant is that those who will give non-stop - even to the detriment of their own mental health, and their family, and everything else, are 'better' missionaries because serving and giving is first all the time. They lack boundaries to keep themselves healthy, or take a break, therefore they give more than anyone. They serve and give and serve and give and make the rest of us look like (healthy?) lards.

I've never wanted to give to the detriment of my kids and husband.  I've never wanted a husband that would pour more energy into Haiti than into his kids. I moved here in 2006 preaching that being a growing mom and wife had to be a priority in order to feel good about Haiti.  We've pulled that off for the most part  .... with scattered deep pockets of not pulling it off.

I know my heart toward God can be a big mess while I "do" much.  I believe in my heart that God is more interested in relationship with me than He is in any work I produce.  The trouble is, my head isn't totally convinced of that. 

Troy reminds me frequently that God would rather have relationship with me.  That is so much easier to say than it is to live.  I suppose it is pride that makes me come at it incorrectly. I want my work to show ... growing in relationship with Christ doesn't show in the tangible way that working with poor young women does.  In the same vein staying home to be with my kids isn't nearly as glamorous or exciting as delivering babies is.  

I share all of that because Troy and I had time in Texas to really evaluate the needs of our kids this summer and we realized I need to back away from the bulk of the other responsibilities and focus on the six (and especially the five youngest) kids.  Instead of doing a lot of things sub-par, I need to try to do one thing well. 

We need to be intentional about summer school for a few of them in order to prepare for the fall. Lydia does so much better with a more predictable schedule. Having six at home all day instead of two at home is a fairly major increase ... Going out on a shaky math limb, I'm going to say that is like three times more kids. (thank you Crown College)

The plan is that other than when I leave home for an occasional birth at the Maternity Center and for Prenatal Thursdays  - I will stay with our tribe. Troy will work. He will be the main presence at the Harbor House assisting Brit G. and Magarette. Thursday's when I am gone for program he'll attempt a 'home office day'. (Waiting on a reply from him? Don't look for it until Thursday. Or 2014 if you know him.) With this plan he can leave home each day with less stress knowing the kids are totally covered.

 

Ugly confession time: The things I need to do this summer, I am not going to find thrilling or be able to quantify easily. That bugs me because my prideful nature wants to have something to show and be in on the most exciting action.

Even though I believe it totally necessary and important, I'm struggling to be at peace and accepting of the summer plan.  I don't like missing things. Truth be told staying home with kids is more personally challenging for me.  My patience skills are underwhelming. The challenge of teaching a gaggle of kids is far more difficult than the challenge of 'ministry' for me. Failing at being patient with kids that I truly, truly adore is sucktacular. 

I am praying that God would use this summer to teach me more about the crap in me that needs pruning.  

Today as I struggled to remain patient while working with a foul-mood-ed Noah on some school work, it occurred to me that this summer might be as much about changes that need to happen in me as it is about the kids needing close direction and supervision.

As we entered week two of summer it became clear to me that without a schedule someone (who shall remain unnamed) could go nutso-bananas.   There are way too many needy small people to do this alone sans structure.

We created a schedule which we cannot yet boast has been implemented   .... One day probably doesn't give us license to act like butt-headed braggarts.  In a couple weeks though, if we've stuck to this, we'll be all up in your mix telling you how super structured and awesomely disciplined we are. 

Today we swam together and worked on reading, Kreyol, and math and I only wanted to gouge my eyeballs out once. 

(One eye-ball gouging ... That is quantifiable!)

We also decided that we will keep track of our running miles logged and add them together to see how much of Haiti we can cover. Since we started a couple of days ago Hope has logged four miles, Isaac two, and I have run seven. (Which would get us almost to Leogane .... and if we ran we'd get there faster than we would driving, but I digress.)

During morning exercise today Isaac declared after about ten to fifteen minutes that he and Noah had run five miles.  I said, "There is no way you can run five miles in 12 minutes. I bet you ran about a mile."  Isaac disagreed vehemently, "Mom, my teacher in Texas told me that four laps is a mile and I just did 20 laps around the house."  A track lap in the ginormous state of Texas and a lap around a urban postage stamp yard in Port au Prince might possibly vary a bit in distance. Don't be swayed by reason though - Isaac isn't.  :)

During today's afternoon reading time Isaac got pretty serious. As it turns out "Magic Treehouse" also has the magical power to put a nine year old boy to sleep.  OR - heck, who knows - maybe he did run five miles.

Everyone knows that if you state your goals publicly you can feel like a bigger failure later on ...  I mean, who doesn't love goal setting? 

(ahem. besides me.)

Our goals for the summer:

Prioritize well (All)

Improve reading skills (Noah)

Improve Kreyol skills (Isaac-Hope-Tara)

Log running miles (mainly Hope and Tara)

Be patient (Tara)

Be kind (Noah - Phoebe - Lydia)

Pray together daily (All)

Eat Healthier (All)

Start midwifery book work/study (start being the key word ... just start)

Within the goals are more specific sub-goals (learn ten new Kreyol words per day) but one of my sub-goals under prioritize well is to refrain from unnecessary internet time and from over-sharing  .... which requires that this post end now.

Cholera cases on the rise

Real Hope for Haiti reports a full Cholera House. They have more patients than they have beds. Please be praying for all of their employees and staff as they work hard to help the sick. 

Last cholera assessment : since the beginning of the cholera epidemic in Haiti (October 19, 2010), 314,539 people were infected and treated, 168,492 people were hospitalized and 5,332 people died. According to the latest report from the Ministry of Public Health and Population (MSPP) [figures undervalued according to UN experts], dated of May 22, 2011.

Source/Full Article @Haiti Libre 

the newest addition

The kids got an invite to Beth's house today for a pizza, watermelon, and chocolate-peanut-butter bars luncheon.  The parents were not technically invited but they tagged along because they have tasted Beth's food before and they are no dummies. While we were there we picked our puppy. There had been great debate about picking the runt of the litter but in the end with some suggestive steering the kids went with the second biggest female.

In four weeks she'll be ready to move to our house.  Our first Mastiff, named Peanut, has always been called "Nut-Dog"  ....   introducing Nut Dog 2.0

Meet Hazelnut Livesay ...

third from left - hazelnut - w/ her 2 brothers & 3 sisters

Not really sure why puppies bring out Noah's inner gangsta.  At least he is a peace-loving gangsta.

ursula upper

Whenever I go all Debbie Downer on the worldwideweb and post two serious things in a row, we receive sweet encouragement and words of concern.    

Thank you. You are so kind. 

Please know, we're all good.  The trips between the two places, one where we see people we love in great emotional pain and one where we see people we love lacking so much materially and physically - well - it doesn't help with the crazies. Suffering isn't reserved only for Haiti. 

Additionally, it has been raining for four days in Port au Prince and the mud and muck are enough to cut everyone down a notch.  (This says the person that lives in a dry house.) But, maybe that plays into the woe is us blog entries.

Here is the thing ... our struggle with this crap and our 'faith crisis' (if that is what you want to call it) started long ago and won't likely end soon. Lacking perfectly packaged pat answers is okay with us. We know a lot of people have them and want us to have them, but it is okay. Really. It is. 

We're not expecting to have all the answers to all of the questions in this life ...we're expecting to wrestle. The answers themselves won't bring peace anyway - only He will. It has to be enough that we know the One with all the answers.  We know the One that has overcome the world.  

Fact: Jesus said,  "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." John 16:33

We can (and do) occasionally stop struggling just by remembering that one day all that's divided will be whole again, one day death will retreat and wave its white flag, one day love will defeat the strongest enemy.  So we wait for that one day. Come quickly.

Enough of that. I'll lighten the mood  ...

The thick cloud cover and near constant drizzle is annoying.  The road conditions went from atrocious to uber atrocious. We are sun addicts that don't know how to act with three days of rain. The puddles are so giant that if you need to go somewhere it is best to plan to walk in deep water and not think about what disgusting little organisms reside in said puddles.  

Yesterday I ran a few miles on the super-reliable-has-not-broken-for-5-years Sears dreadmill to attempt to bring some light to my brain.I cheered right up. Upon seeing this Hope decided to give it a try. She ran two miles without stopping.  This morning she ate breakfast and jumped back on the mill for another two mile run.  It is adorable, this girl was born to run. In the spirit of competition Isaac gave it a try.  Let us just say, not pretty.  Arms and legs flailing everywhere.

  

2011 will go down as the year of fighting off old for me. The number of gray hairs and wrinkles have duplicated tenfold. I stocked up on every wrinkle reducing moisturizer known to man while in Austin last weekend. I'm fighting it every step of the way stopping just short of begging Troy for Botox. 

The thing is  -  in my heart I feel very young.  The exterior isn't agreeing with my heart.  

Right around Christmas my knee started giving me nagging pain.  I've been running since 2004 and I knew this was different. It is not an injury.  It doesn't get better with rest and it doesn't get a ton worse with continued running. I am no Doctor but I have some friends that are. (So just a step away from being one myself.) I'm sure they would agree with my google findings. It is arthritis. I have near constant aches in one knee and it gets so stiff in the night that going down steps in the a.m. looks super dumb. Also, just like some ancient old man, when it rains it aches more.  (Did I mention it has been raining since we landed Wednesday?)

I thought my battle against aging was on the down-low but apparently people in my family are picking up on it.  Today I was in the kitchen making eggs and french toast when a wild Kirk Franklin song came on I broke into a funky dance and Isaac said, "Momma, you might think you're old - but you sure know how to party!" 

Later I asked, "You think I am still kind of young?" He said, "Yes, I  KNOW you are still young because even though you are 38 you still have all your teeth."

Well then ... If Isaac says it is so... It is so.
I'm off to floss and brush.

the system in which we live

Recently Jen became aware that someone we love and work closely with learned her only supportive and close family member has tested positive for HIV and could possibly have TB as well.  When every piece of life hangs so precariously in the balance these hits hurt the loved ones so much. The family left supporting the sick carry a huge burden.  Their options are limited. Our friend was devastated to learn of her sister's illness. We are devastated for her. Having seen her strength, we know she'll be okay.

"Although the world is full of suffering,

it is full also of the overcoming of it"

 Helen Keller

Beth shared her observations about the situation here.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I've long wanted to try to explain some of the way gender roles and power work in Haiti. I don't think I can even begin to relay some of it. It is on the list of "topics to avoid while blogging." There is so much that is repulsive about it. I don't want to make generalizations, but men hold the power and there is no real balance. Seeing that imbalance change seems unlikely to us for a variety of reasons. We've recently been front-row to watch a situation where a man absolutely thinks it is his right to coerce a woman to do what he wants when he wants.  The woman is not his girlfriend, wife, or friend. They know each other because they both have worked with us. The man waits till we're not around and calls the woman (knowing she is less protected) and tells her she needs to submit to his desire.  When she refuses he berates her and asks her who she thinks she is telling him "no"?

This is especially sad to us because this is a guy that we've worked with a ton over the years and we are just naive stupid enough to think he is different.  He's not different.  It discourages us. The unjust systems and cultural norms that keep people (women especially) trapped in poverty and misery are complicated and depressing.  This reality that many men in this culture grow up feeling entitled to whatever they want from a woman regardless of her feelings and desires is horrible, heartbreaking, and seemingly not very easy to fix. 

A priest from Peru says that "the poverty of the poor is not a call to generous relief action, but a demand that we go and build a different social order."   We sure wish we had a clue how to accomplish such a task. 

Until such a time that a massive shift in culture and power occurs, we only know to love those in front of us, protect and advocate for those we can, and pray unceasingly for the thousands more that need love & protection too.  Jesus commands it. It's all any of us can do.

~~~~~~

"But the poor person does not exist as an inescapable fact of destiny. His or her existence is not politically neutral, and it is not ethically innocent. The poor are a by-product of the system in which we live and for which we are responsible. They are marginalized by our social and cultural world. They are the oppressed, exploited proletariat, robbed of the fruit of their labor and despoiled of their humanity. Hence the poverty of the poor is not a call to generous relief action, but a demand that we go and build a different social order." 

~Gustavo Gutierrez~

Post Script Note :
Yes the woman with HIV will have access to drugs and treatment. The larger part of the grief that goes with this diagnosis for her and for her sister is that the stigma attached to HIV in Haiti is similar to what we saw in the late 80's  ... people are afraid and uninformed. Those with the disease experience huge discrimination, therefore they usually choose to carry it as a secret.  These two sisters names are not being shared because they prefer it this way.

weep, hope, fight, pray

For a combination of reasons, that I won't bore you with now, I'm experiencing a huge resistance to writing anything of substance in this space of late.  I guess I am without words for some of the things spinning in my head. 

I only know that I'm feeling a certain an enormous amount of heaviness in my heart for the hurt, incomplete, and broken in this world.  That heaviness leaves me in a place of contemplating the depth of our need for Him and for redemption. It also creates an internal battle and dialog that exhausts and frustrates.  It says "have hope - don't quit" while in the very next breath it tricks and whispers "it is hopeless".  It rears its head later to remind me "His mercies are new every morning."  

It weeps and hopes and fights and prays.


On the topic of suffering and pain, I read this a little bit ago ...

"An athlete, in the midst of a record-breaking run, has never in his life been so fit and strong. Yet his pain-racked body may have never felt so weak. Likewise, in the midst of a spiritual trial, it is not uncommon to be stronger and yet feel weaker than ever before. And to fellow Christians you might seem hopeless. An ultra-marathon champion staggering up the final hill looks pathetic. A small child could do better. Anyone not understanding what this man has gone through would shrink from him in disgust. Only someone with all the facts would be awed by his stamina as he stumbles on."   -Grantley Morris

I know so many people that are stumbling on right now. I know that every step is so terribly painful. I feel frustrated and helpless and I only know to pray for God to show Himself to them in their dark places. 

I only know to weep, hope, fight, and pray. 

n'ap vini

Jen left PAP Tuesday to head back to MN to finish up major projects/work that are all coming to an end in the next six weeks.  She has plenty to do in two countries and we've always wondered how we could trap her in the one we're in once and for all. We have plenty of ideas, we're just a little afraid of implementing our plans; not all of the ideas are legal. We only know we don't like when she is in MN very much.  In other sad news, Joanna will leave PAP tomorrow too. 

Monday night we met up with friends in Austin.  Friendships birthed in Haiti always seem to be really solid ones.  

Bonds that cannot be broken were born one hot Sunday afternoon in '08 on the side of a mountain in Haiti. Aaron Ivey trusted Troy enough to admit he'd schat his pants and he was powerless to deal with it alone .... and the rest is history.  Our faces hurt the next morning from laughing so much.

Tuesday we stopped in Waco again to hug Britt and Chris and Paige and say goodbye. Britt and Paige argued about who felt more sadness between them and I assured them that I felt the most sad and they could quit trying to compete.  I win. We'll see Paige in a month when she comes home from her summer trip. We don't think we'll see Britt & Chris for seven months but things could change. (Read: please, things, change!)

After an amazingly fun time in TX, we're headed "home". It is always odd and wonderful to confirm that as senseless (?) and confusing as it sometimes is, 'home' right now is in Port au Prince. 

We're excited to get home today. Missing us some rowdy little livesay-kids. We cannot thank Joanna enough for doing such a great job caring for our tribe.

Joanna & Kids

Decorating for Jen before she left

Dokte Jen & Geronne

here are the haps in 2 countries ...

Joanna T. arrived to take care of the tribe in Port au Prince. Dr. Jen and Geronne are also there for reinforcement. Troy, Paige and I headed to Texas.

Paige will be in Tejas for a couple of weeks then head to the Land of 10,000 lakes for a while. We’re heading home to the tribe in PAP very soon. Our trip has been so productive and fun.

We had perfect travel out of Haiti to Florida and Texas. We mocked the unhappy complainers that were instantly annoyed with an imperfect situation or a short wait. Troy did his rendition of the video above while Paige and I snickered.  We're "that guy" now - you know, the big jerks that you should never complain about dumb things to ... especially not ten minute lines in beautiful temperature controlled climates. First world problems produce zero empathy from us.

Some acquaintances that recently left Haiti for good said they didn’t want to be “that guy” either but that they wondered if getting back to the USA might just be a little bit boring because at some point people that live in Haiti grow accustomed to having to fight to accomplish anything in life. It is not uncommon to have two or three confrontations a day while trying to go about your life and work.

For example, if I run to the nearby Deli Mart store (a smurf size grocery store) to grab a few staple items, I’m prepared for nonsense. It is not uncommon to grab the stuff I need and get to the counter only to learn that one of the items has no price, therefore I cannot buy it. I might attempt to argue that they look up the price, but that would likely be too logical. “No, sorry, you cannot buy it.” I might then say something like, “You do recognize your store exists to sell this and other items and if you don’t price it you’ll never make a profit from this item, right?” The cashier would then drill a hole through my head with her angry stare. When I hand over the cash for my purchase the cashier would examine each bill and hand back any bill with a small tear of any kind. I’d complain but she wouldn’t budge. She would then hand me change comprised of mostly ripped bills. On the way to the car three or four kids would come beg. When I refused to give them any cash they might kick my car as I pulled out. I would arrive home feeling like I had not only purchased a few groceries, but I had conquered the world in that I had not allowed myself to get annoyed or lose my cool as nothing was easy or simple at the expensive Deli Mart register. We really do grow used to this way of doing business. Negotiation and added conversation and communication is a part of doing life.

So we arrived to our hotel after our flights from Port au Prince and when the lady checked us in she was incredibly pleasant. I would go so far as to say she was delightful. She had the exact room we asked for at the exact price promised and when we asked what Internet would cost she said she’d just give it to us complimentary because the storms had caused some trouble and it seemed a bit slow. She asked how else she could help and she wished us a pleasant evening. She never gave us a reason to argue.  We conquered nothing. No sense of accomplishment. Where is the sport in that? We left her counter thinking, “ She was way too nice.What does she want from us?”

We’re enjoying hot showers and smooth roads and delicious Tex-Mex along with a few days of the oh-so-coveted married people away from kids time. Rawr. All parents of small children know that rawr means NAPS and 8+ hours of uninterrupted sleep ...  And then of course there is the other 'rawr' that takes place without planning or plotting - just whenever you feel like it. It's totally fabulous I tell you. All of it!

I always have some reaction when I leave Haiti and land in the U.S. It is unexpected waves of emotion. It is not guilt. Back in the first year or two it might have been close to anger, it is not that either anymore.

I always just feel the heavy questions surrounding injustice and a deep sense of gratitude that we are so very privileged to know these two vastly different realities and worlds and to appreciate the depth of beauty and suffering in them both.


In Texas:

3 for the price of 1 - Troy's original package-deal (1998-2002)

In Waco with Britt and Chris

The real reason for our trip was not to engage in romance (that's the bonus) or to sleep (that's the bonus bonus). The real reason was to interview and HIRE these two talented people.  We're thrilled that Jimmy and Becky have agreed to bring their years of experience and education to Haiti to teach seven Hendrick and Livesay kids this fall.

I sat across the table from them in Heather and Aaron's temporary home thinking "How did we score these people?!?" They are a gift to both of our families and we're excited for the next school year. I know the kids are going to love them.

Jimmy has worked with high school students for several years and Becky has a ton of experience with elementary students. Please be praying for them as they plan and prepare to move  - hopefully in late August.




In Haiti:
Joanna and Jen report that the kids are happy and doing well. Sunday night they went to John and Beth's house to have pizza and visit the puppies.

Jen leaves Haiti in a couple of days, her time in Haiti always goes way too quickly for us. We love her and will miss her presence so much again. She hopes to be back before summer ends though, so we'll tell everyone to wait till then to get sick and look forward to her return.

Jen shared this with us ...

Happy Memorial Day Monday ... hope y'all get to enjoy some variety of rawr today too.

HH Challenge Grant

Dokte Jen & Nathalie and her son Nathan

Dear readers: Thank you from all of us for the generous gifts already given for the Harbor House Challenge Grant.  Please let us know if you have questions about that (or any other) Heartline program.  You can leave messages for us in the comments or email us at TL7inHaiti@yahoo.com  - We appreciate that our on-line community of friends is actively participating in the work happening in Haiti. We're half way there!

Challenge Grant & Harbor House News

If you're new here or uncertain of what the Harbor House is please see these two important posts:

Harbor House, the people, the place

and

Love Empowers II

Magarette with Ricardo and Michlanda

We're anxious to introduce you to our new House Mom, Magarette. She also goes by "Maggie".  We felt strongly early on that the house needed an older, wiser, Haitian woman that could love and lead with authority. We knew it would help to have a native Kreyol speaker that could understand some of the cultural undercurrent that we miss or just plain don't understand.

Maggie is 37 years old and comes to us with strong recommendation from friends at MAF (Mission Aviation Fellowship).  She has a "power under" approach to leadership. In a culture interested in  hierarchy, it is encouraging to observe her calm countenance. We've not seen her lord her power over anyone. She seems to lead with love and grace.  She doesn't appear to need to prove anything.

The  bridge that Magarette creates cannot be underestimated. We're still transitioning her into her role but all signs point to this being a  good fit for all.

One sure sign is that the girls came to us asking to go to church with Magarette, rather than with us.


The most important thing happening at Harbor House is the daily modeling of respect, conflict resolution, child-rearing, and problem solving. The day in and day out real-life examples being shared by those of us that are living here in community with them far exceeds any teaching that takes place with pens, pencils, tutors and books.

All the babies in the house are healthy, thriving and active. The girls are calm, attentive and loving mothers.

Their parenting skills are impressive in a place where survival is first and parenting is usually a back-burner priority.  We probably appreciate their growing skills even more knowing what they've overcome in order to give these babies life and stand strong.

They will likely always parent without reliable help from the fathers of their children.

We support and guide them, but it is thrilling to see that they now also support each other.

We have three possible candidates moving in over the next several weeks, those situations are under prayer and consideration at this time. 

Currently the teen mamas/residents at the house:

Sergline and her son Jobens

Ernege and her son Makenly

Leoni - due to deliver soon
Enisse and her daughter Sophia

Fedline and her daughter Michlanda

Joanne and her son Ricardo

Living with the girls: Magarette, Marjorie and Brittany

rooftop garden

Makenly

Sergline & Jobens on rooftop

Ernege and Sergline making jewelry with Maz & Cassandra (teachers)

Maggie and Marjorie

Senise and the 'Sistas' - our egg layers

The Heartline Treasurer recently received this great news:

April 2011

Dear Tom:

Thank you for submitting a grant proposal to benefit the expansion of program services at Heartline in Haiti. The people who met with John and Beth McHoul a couple of years ago were very impressed with their devotion to the poor of Port-au-Prince.

The trustees of the _______ Foundation did vote to offer Heartline a challenge grant of $15,000 to benefit the Harbor House home for teenage mothers and their children. When you have raised the $15,000 designated to Harbor House, we will match the amount dollar for dollar.

Sincerely yours,

P.G. 

Administrator

I traded emails with Tom last week and he informed me that $3,000 of the 15K has already been raised.  That leaves only 12K to raise and we'll be able to collect on the challenge grant that was generously offered by this foundation. (They wish to remain anonymous.)

Will you consider supporting these young women and the work they're doing to improve their lives?

In Haiti many children are raising themselves with little stimulation or supervision.  It is not uncommon for children to be moved around from aunt, to grandma, to sisters and friends to be raised. The young women at Harbor House are raising their own children and are poised to make a significant impact on their country as one generation teaches another generation.

It is our hope and our belief that investing in these young mothers is investing in the future. Ten young moms raise ten secure, well-loved, well-attached children who go on to raise their own well-loved, well-attached and secure children ... and so it begins. 

Please share this program and the work these young moms are doing with others. We need your help to reach this challenge grant and receive the foundation's award.

With deep gratitude to all who give, care, pray, support, and love.

Troy & Tara Livesay 
 

thought provoking quotes

"While charity has its place, it is important to reflect on our motivations for undertaking such work. We must look behind the veil of humanitarianism to understand how our own motivations might clash with the needs and desires of those whom we hope to serve."

"Charity focuses our attention on the comfortable, familiar domain of the giver, while justice demands that we focus our attention on the unseemly and disturbing world of those on the receiving end. In charity, we can send some surplus supplies abroad, or we can give our time and skills to those in need. But, to arrive at justice, we are required to take a far more arduous journey. We need to understand the needs and desires of the poor as well as the forces that constrain their hopes or very existence."

"I had learned a valuable lesson about working with the poor. I had come to see them as people first and not as objects of my own benevolence or charity. By caring for them, I had come to respect them. My relationship could no longer be one seen through the lens of charitable work. I had begun to see their problems as our problems."

Quotes from the book "Awakening Hippocrates", by Edward O'Neil, Jr., MD

pale Angle & pale Kreyol

Counter clockwise: Faby, Isaac, Ernege, Geronne, Sergine, Fedline, Joanne w/ Ricardo

 See the little dude seated at the table of girls?

 See his focus and determination?

 See his view of strong, smart, growing women?

Every Monday, Wednesday and Friday the Harbor House moms are blessed with the gift of beautiful 'Faby'.  She is the young woman on the right side of the top photo in the brown. She has become a respected friend of the young women at Harbor House and works with them doing a Bible Study/Devotional time and helping them with their school work. After lunch they have a short (90 minute) English class in the afternoons.

The English class is optional.  Their other classes are not optional.  We don't believe the girls need to learn English.  We believe WE need to learn more Kreyol.  However, the girls all love this class and truly want to learn some English.  Leoni is the only one who doesn't come too often, but she is also in another difficult literacy class every weekday morning and comes home tired out and ready for a nap.

Geronne (she lives/works with our family) attends the English class too. It is very inspiring to see her reading and writing two languages when you consider she just learned to read and write Kreyol at age 36 in Heartline's literacy program in early 2009. Prior to that she believed she had been cursed since the fourth grade. She thought she was unable to learn. It has been positive to have Geronne interacting with the teen moms. We want as many solid older women around them as possible. She is a good friend to them; they all seem to look up to her.

Joanne and Fedline with Michlanda

It is so fun to sit in on this class. Listening to everyone working on pronunciation is adorable.  Yesterday they worked on introducing themselves and others.

Sergline is probably picking it up the fastest.  Last week when she was braiding Hope's hair she leaned down to Hope and said slowly and clearly, "You . can . trust. me."  Cutest thing ev-ah!

It is very easy for us to learn Kreyol vocab while the gals are learning English.  I wasn't sure Isaac would go for it but I convinced him to try it with me.

Within ten minutes he was begging to come every M-W-F and so excited to be learning and practicing.  The girls all encourage him when he gets it right, it is very cute to watch.

This fantabulous Haitian boy might just learn his native tongue yet!


Next post:  What's new at Harbor House?

bulletpoint barf

• The puppies are still a hot topic. Beth McHoul is insane to take on that project on top of all she has going, but it is precisely that insanity that has kept her in Haiti for 21 years. For that reason we'll love her rather than mock her for it. We have not chosen our newest family member yet.  Lydie is in love with them all.   

• Leoni is pictured to the right.  She is a very shy, and often times sad young woman that lives at the Harbor House. She is due to deliver the second week of June. Her pregnancy has been mostly uneventful but a bad case of Malaria gave us a scare earlier this year.  She lost 8 pounds during that illness and had a lot of catch up to do. Please be praying for her in these last days of pregnancy.  We love this sweet, quiet young woman. We're anxious to meet her little one.

• Dokte Jen is here a bit longer. We love having her here. She seems to field most of Isaac's random and bizarre questions. Yesterday she spent her Sunday doing lots of unscheduled veterinarian work. She gave seizure meds to a dog. We get a kick out of teasing her about all of it, as her job in Haiti expands from her specialty of pediatrics, into adults, and onto other more hairy mammals.  Versatile much?

• Last week Lydia tried to chase Paige's cat, Cosmo. The chase led her to a questionable decision. She decided that climbing over the rail on the upstairs patio and out onto a steep and slanted portion of the roof was an okay idea. When I saw it I screeched so loud that I scared the pants off of her (except she is usually only in her underwear anyway). She cried for fifteen minutes angrily repeating "You scared me Mama!".   Uh.  Yeah ... Okay kid that could have fallen two stories to the cement driveway.  Jen might be an awesome veterinarian but I don't think she really wants to deal with massive head trauma on this trip.

• We finally hired a Haitian House Mama at the Harbor House. She has two weeks in and things are going well. More about Magarette (our new house mom) and updates at the house in a coming post. 

• On Friday Paige was in a class play.  After we went to see it we celebrated with our first 2011 trip to Epi D'or.  Epi D'or is the Port au Prince version of "fast" food.  It's a bit of trap/trick because it is fast in that it is faster than other places you might buy food  - but it is not fast in that it is not fast. At least not in the traditional sense of the word. Nobody in our family really likes their hamburgers, too much mystery there, instead we got pizza and ice cream.  Paige and I had to fight for the ice cream. The lady we paid seemed mad. Once you pay, then you take your ticket to another counter. At the counter we had to negotiate for what kind because of course they did not have vanilla, chocolate, or cookies and cream and of course nothing is ever straight forward. Our friend Aaron said he was once refused the kind he wanted because it was "too hard to scoop". For real. "Customer service", an inadvertent oxymoron.  TIH  After the two hour "fast food" dinner the boys ran to the restroom before we left to drive home.  Isaac came out to report that there was an issue that needed adult intervention.  Troy was the lucky parent to go because the crisis was taking place in the men's room.  Long story short, some underwear needed to be disposed of and Noah needed to lie down and groan most of the way home.  :(

• School is officially done for all of our kids on Tuesday at noon.  I am excited and also slightly nervous.  I love having them home but they need things to do. This summer needs structure and schedules or we'll all go insane.  Working on how that will look and work and realizing that I need to be home a lot with these urchins or they will become one with their video games. 

• We're anxious for our friend Joanna T. to arrive tomorrow.  She is an "earthquake buddy" which is  a really cheesy way of saying she is one of the people we're tightly and deeply bonded to fo-evaah because we walked through those intense days together.  Jo is coming to help with our kids while Troy and I are busy and out of town for a few days.  Jo (a nurse) and Jen (a doctor) watching our kids - That is definitely the A team right there.  Our kids would probably be better off it this was a permanent arrangement. 

respecting the poor

"You say you care about the poor.

Then tell me, what are their names?"

asked Gustavo Gutierrez

There are so many topics that are touchy and difficult to write about. I usually avoid speaking/writing with force about them in order to dodge any conflict that may arise as a result.  I hate internet word wars .... But more than that I hate when people misunderstand and jump to conclusions.  Discussion is great, but it seems that things tend to deteriorate quickly.

The fights people have on line would never happen if they were standing face to face because we're all way more polite, gracious, and non-confrontational in real life. In face to face interaction it rarely happens that if you disagree with someone you jump them with the boldness that happens on line.

All that to say - Bringing up the book, "When Helping Hurts" and writing about Short Term Missions caused a little ruffling of feathers. It wasn't meant to put anyone on the defensive;  but it did anyway.  C'est la vie. In this case, I think it needs to be said and it was worth the conflict. That post was meant to make us think. It is not actually all about us and what makes us feel good.

Lately I find myself frustrated with some of the problems we create when we come to "help the poor" and that post was born of that frustration.  I dislike a lot of what happens between the poor and the people that come to help. I get squirmy and uncomfortable with the 'great white hope' attitude and the Santa Claus stuff that goes on. I don't think there is anything wrong with examining our own motives and asking hard questions about the things we do. I don't have a problem confessing that we've made some jacked up decisions in our time here and that at all costs we'd like to avoid doing dumb and disrespectful things.

I'm struggling a bit with what I perceive as exploitation of people, specifically poor people.  I recognize in some of the things we've done over the last six years (especially very early on) a bit of an air of superiority over the poor. I'd go so far as to say that in the past Troy and I have done things that I would now say robbed people of their dignity in that moment. I wish I could go back and undo a few of the things I've done, said, and thought.

I also feel a resentment growing toward others who don't seem to consider the feelings and position of those they come to "help" - nor do they ever allow their approach to be questioned without great offense. Truthfully, I desire to be far more gracious toward the people doing these things and I don't want to resent anyone.

No matter what you've done in the past when on a short or longer term trip abroad - try to be open to this question. I ask that you honestly (without defensiveness) consider this and how you would react to it ...

You are with a friend of yours and a couple of your kids (or if you don't have kids you are watching someone's kids) and you've gone to run a few errands one morning.  At Target you notice a woman taking photos of the kids from about 15 yards away.  Later, you've stopped at the grocery store and you turn around to see five or six people taking photos of your friend and the kids.  That afternoon as you return home you look down your driveway to see someone else standing there taking a photo of your house.  You go to bed, the next morning you walk out of your house looking ragged in sweats and an old shirt. As you are walking your dog a truck full of people you've never seen before ride by and they all start snapping your photo.

Yesterday on facebook, out of totally curiosity, I asked this question:

Would you be okay with strangers taking your pictures (or of your kids or family) while you were out and about doing life?

Here are a few of the replies I got in response:

- I really don't know. I think they'd need to ask for permission first, but then they'd need a good reason. If they wanted a picture of clothing I'm wearing, a purse I'm carrying, shoes, etc so they can go home and find the same, then ok. If they have a valid reason maybe. I'm not a mom yet, but I'm pretty sure I won't ever be ok with someone just randomly taking pictures of my children, for any reason.

- That's tough. Normally I would say no, but I'm fine with people who are obviously traveling or when the new refugee families come to our city they want tons of pictures of everyday life stuff (often involving our family) and that doesn't bother me cuz I know it's new and exciting. I definitely wouldn't want to if I wasn't asked though or if it was someone I didn't know at all.

- Do you mean obviously focusing on my family or me? I frequently get people in my photographs that I don't necessarily mean to, but they are there when I snap the pic. But deliberately focusing? I would not really like that. However, what are they planning on doing with it? I would not like to be used in a media sense.

- No! We've had that happen before & I was shocked. I will not let it happen anymore.

- Absolutely NOT, my children are not exhibits and I would not hesitate one bit to let whoever know that taking their pictures without consent is not appreciated.my son s daycare have a very strict policy on that, parents are not allowed to videotape,take pictures on school grounds.    

- NO! If you have the responsability of having a camera and want to take shots. You NEED to approach and ask, can I take a picture of your child on the swing for an article. OR for a art show. Otherwise NO!!

- That's a tough one. We are constantly approached here for a "photo" Sometimes I agree sometimes not. I can't even tell you why I make the choice that I do...When we first came I "obliged" now after having our photos taken a gillion times, ...I mostly say no. However, what I do not like is when we are walking and ppl take out their phones and "steal" our photo. Then again, I "steal" photos of random ppl here...so, what to do?  

- Well, it is the paparazzi that drives me nuts. I just wish they would stop following me. lol. No, I wouldn't like it. But I did it in Haiti the first time I went and never thought once about my actions. Rude! I was an ignorant tourist the first time for sure!


- definitely not okay...we have the cell phone picture taking issue here too. way too much of a security risk in the country we live. Maybe more of us should think about it before we take pictures of others???

~~~~~~~~

I'm not debating the ability for photos to tell a story and to draw people in. I know that the world saw Haiti after the earthquake and that the images moved people to respond. There are most certainly times where photos tell a story.  We ourselves have shared many stories with photos.  Troy's book of photos is mainly comprised of people he knows and had permission to photograph.  I am not claiming I know where the line is.  Obviously within relationships and with permission it is a entirely different ballgame.  

I only know that I am terribly uncomfortable with a lot of what happens here and embarrassed that visitors often disrespect the Haitian people. There seems to be a real attitude of entitlement. Almost as if it is the right of  the visitor to do whatever they want to/with the poor without regard for how it might make them feel.  


We are VISITORS and everything we do says something about our respect for (or lack thereof) the country and people we are visiting.  Seriously.  


Remember, when you come here for a week you are one of many snapping photos. (The number of groups in and out of Haiti is mind-boggling. Being 700 miles from FL means more teams.)  I'm thinking if we all stopped for a moment and thought of how ridiculous this is and put ourselves in their shoes we might find a way to be more respectful.  

moving day is coming ...

A few weeks ago we shared a little bit about the beautiful and complicated relationship with our kids' first families. They, and thousands more have been living under blue tarps and woven banana leaves for 16 months now.

The same people I wrote about here are also pictured here in this post from last year in their tent.

It strikes me again how ridiculously small my problems are.  We get grouchy when we go without city power for a few days. At any time we can start a generator and charge batteries and pump water with that power we can create if we choose. We never have muddy water running through our house from a hard rain.

We have first world problems, even in the third world.  We're inconvenienced. Wah. Big deal.  We think like whiny babies and we literally have no.idea. what a real problem is.

There are countless families that have survived well over a year without EVER having electricity in their houses. They've spent multiple nights in the pitch dark soaked in rain, waiting for daylight to sort through their muddy belongings.

This is such a small thing in the ocean of need, but in a short time five families will tear down the sticks and tarps and move to dry land, to new shelter.  The shelter is simple, but for them it will be a giant step up.

We're waiting on the well for the five houses to be completed. Once there is water and that is finished the five families will all move out of their tents.

Moving day is coming soon!

Please be praying for the displaced people of Port au Prince.

More Words

Today all six kids were off school for Flag day. We (the kids and I) stayed home and read and cleaned and swam a little bit. We had late afternoon plans with Aaron and Heather and their cute boys. They came to say goodbye before their summer trip back to Tejas. I don't want to make anyone (Heather) feel bad, so I'll tone it down and simply say: they.will.be.greatly.missed.  (everysingleday)

Tonight as I tucked Isaac in he worried that something will change and he won't see them again. I assured him he will. Please be praying for the Hendricks that the funds they need to live here will be provided and that all the details and logistics work out in such a way that they are able to return in August.

I have been meaning to update some things going on at Harbor House.  Briefly, I'll just say that I'm grateful for Troy and his ability to work within the culture, remain hopeful and loving, and still lay down the law when needed. I love the man. His role at Harbor House has grown and mine has shrunk. More details on all of that and more coming soon. 

I came across this post (below) of Troy's tonight while I was searching through archives. The words "We cannot allow ourselves to be overwhelmed and unable to respond" stuck out to me tonight. Sometimes that is where I live. Overwhelmed. With our kids. With logistics. With poverty. With situations. With life. I feel immeasurably blessed to call Troy my best friend and partner, he helps me by exhibiting a stubborn hope and genuine love for others day in and day out. 

I try to save my mushy words for anniversaries and birthdays, but tonight I'm feeling it without the big occasion. Grateful.

 Words  (repost of April 2010 entry) -By Troy

I have pictures to edit and load, and hoped to get them on here tonight - but I'm tired and Tara said she'd prefer it if I posted some words. Words are hard sometimes in light of all that we've seen and all that has transpired in Haiti over the last three months. Words fail to describe how terrible some of it is, and they also fail to accurately portray how amazing and beautiful other things have been.

140 characters on Twitter seems much easier - you can only focus on one thing and do your best to squeeze the idea in under the limit. A blank page presents a much larger challenge. So much room for so many words. That can be looked at in two ways - an overwhelming unending task, or an opportunity to write something beautiful. (I usually err on the side of the former.)

As I sit here I realize that this is analogous to the issues facing us in Haiti today. The future of Haiti is vast and uncertain and seemingly changing every day. There are a million different ideas being bandied about and each have their corresponding pros and cons and pundits. This challenge can either overwhelm us with its complexity or help us rise to the occasion and each do our small part in advancing this nation and helping these amazing people.

After visiting one of the largest tent cities in Port au Prince today, we were again struck hard by the sheer enormity of the need and tasks facing the Haitian people. This usually makes us want to get back to our own small corner of the city and get back to helping the few that we can affect and touch - because that seems real and tangible....and possible.

In that sprawling field with thousands of refugees living under twigs and tarps, where we saw trenches being dug to divert the rains in order to have a dry place to sleep tonight - we entered the home of one family. Nine people will live in this ten-by-ten foot room made of scraps of wood and blue plastic tarps. One mattress on the ground. Laying on gravel with mud on the sheets. Their access to clean water, food, health care, sanitation, and basically everything else most of us take for granted would be described as difficult if not impossible.

Their situation is replicated thousands and thousands of times over across this city for untold numbers of other families. Even though we can't do anything about this problem on the whole - we can for this one family. They have received medical care, new beds to sleep on above the muddy ground, tarps to keep out the rain, and our commitment to continue loving them and caring about their well being. We cannot do that for everyone - but we can for some.

We cannot allow ourselves to be overwhelmed and unable to respond. It is not acceptable to throw our hands in the air and hope someone else will take care of it. We are not responsible or able to change the whole world-country-culture-city-community-neighborhood or disaster...but I know that we can all touch someone and make a difference for one person and one family at a time.

Mother Teresa was apparently much better with words than I am, because she managed to say all of what I just came up with in far fewer:

The needs are great, and none of us, including me, ever do great things. But we can all do small things, with great love, and together we can do something wonderful.

She went a little over the character limit, but I would follow her on Twitter in a heartbeat if I could.

Thank you for joining us in doing the small things that turn into something wonderful.

-Troy

O Glorious Day

(Our sweet and fun cousins, Aaron and Nikki Petersen)
These fools can SAAANG!