This is post 1,000 on the Livesay Haiti Blog. It seems like we ought to say something wise, even profound.
`
But, we've had an excellent streak of avoiding that sort of thing, so now hardly seems the time to change that - we'd hate to raise expectations.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Troy took the two Brit(t)s and Paige to church in Port this morning. I was not up for Port today so I kept the three little ones home with me. I think I know why now.
`
Troy called to say they had seen a body of a young man laying on the road. I am glad the little ones didn't see that. The worst part is, the body was still there when they returned from church a full five hours later. As it has been explained to us, no one will come move the body because then they become the "responsible" party and are expected to deal with paying for proper disposal of the body. Troy was in a funk for a while this afternoon. The girls did not see it on the way home, he made sure not to point out that it was still there.
`
How depressing. This is a hard place. I cannot help but wonder if the young man's mother knows he is dead, if he had children, if he knew the Lord, if he felt love or desperation, how he was killed, and if there is not someone, anyone, who wants to celebrate his life. Nobody wants him?
`
Death, poverty, and any of these horrific things always leave me with more questions than answers.
`
I just finished reading about Sara Groves, my very favorite Christian artist, over at the Chrysalis Blog.
`
The link to this article is good, it points out that wrestling with questions or experiencing doubt is normal, and that struggling with it does not disqualify you from being a child of God. It does not even disqualify you from serving God. There is no person alive that can say they have never questioned God. He can stand up to the questions. He can use us in our imperfection.
`
I relate to about 98% of the things she shared in the interview. Below are my favorite paragraphs taken from the Today's Christian Woman interview/article.
`
Sara Groves-
Before, I was trying to create a perfect world for my children; now I want to introduce my children to the world we're in. I thought I wanted to be safe, but I realized I don't want my kids growing up watching me be safe. If that's my highest goal, then I'm not reaching out to the tax collector, I'm not surrounding myself with sinners, as Jesus did.
`
The Lord helped me gain, deep within my heart, a greater understanding of his nature. He is good. I know there will be questions and struggles in the future. I don't have all the answers, but I feel better equipped to handle the questions.
I feel as though I've spent most of my life grooming my faith. It's been like a nice antique car I've been rebuilding and reupholstering. Lately I've felt, If I don't get to drive this thing real soon, I'm going to explode! I want to live out this faith I've been given instead of devote so much meticulous care to perfecting my worship experience and devotional life. I want to be God's hands and feet.
`
The process I went through changed my paradigm of what the kingdom of God is. It's coming—but it's also as real now as this chair in which I'm sitting. God has invited us to live in his kingdom in the midst of our regular existence. It's not a place of perfection. It comes when we speak respectfully to our husband, when we refrain from letting our anger spill out onto our kids, when we have the chance to gossip and don't, when we open our home, when we apologize, when we refuse to blame others for our problems.
The process I went through changed my paradigm of what the kingdom of God is. It's coming—but it's also as real now as this chair in which I'm sitting. God has invited us to live in his kingdom in the midst of our regular existence. It's not a place of perfection. It comes when we speak respectfully to our husband, when we refrain from letting our anger spill out onto our kids, when we have the chance to gossip and don't, when we open our home, when we apologize, when we refuse to blame others for our problems.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
While I love the challenge and excitement and variety of living here, I don't especially like seeing sad things or facing so much unfairness, as is often the case. Mostly, I find it discouraging and heavy. But I know that when I press in and lean not on my own understanding, but trust Him with whatever it is, there is peace in that and there is shelter ... and rest. "It's not a place of perfection." But, it is a place of comfort and grace and His unending love.
`
I'm hoping you experience that for yourself this week.
`
Happy to be where I am,
Tara
