Tomorrow and throughout the next few days we have a few more guest voices lined up to share thoughts on adoption. Tomorrow we'll hear from adoptive parents of five asking the question, "Is love colorblind?" Next week we hope to hear from an adult adoptee and a first-mother/birth-mother.
Our intention is never to put anyone on the defensive. We're hoping to challenge ourselves and others to think about things from the perspectives of our children. While I often think my Haitian children might be "better off" (relative to a few things) with Troy and I -- I also know there is a deep, deep bond to their heritage and their roots and if I walk around telling them how much better off they are I might be making it difficult for them to feel safe feeling things for their first family and their birth-country.
The new Toy Story movie (Toy Story 3) has very interesting story lines for kids that have been placed in orphanages and have abandonment issues. We saw it last weekend. Last night Isaac and Hope talked a bit about it and shared some of their thoughts. It led to Isaac asking why his birth family kept some of their children but not him. That is the first time he has asked us that. If I had spent the last 7+ years telling Isaac how blessed/lucky he is to have us would he feel safe to process these things out loud with us? I am not so sure.
If we, as adoptive parents, are secure and work at not allowing ourselves to be threatened by our childrens first-families, our kids will feel safe being real with us and allowing true feelings to surface. I pray my children can tell me anything without fear of making me feel jealous or insecure. I also know that Isaac has recently hit an age where he is beginning to question new things. He is not unhappy - the kid is maybe one of the happiest you'll ever meet -- but he does feel these things. Hope is not yet questioning things. It is possible that she may have these questions in her teens or even later. It is possible she is thinking about it and not willing to talk yet. Our goal is always to make it as safe as we can for them to process any of it with us - to say exactly what they're thinking. I love adoption. I love the ways it has stretched us as a family. We're praying for those of you considering it.
Some links:
Fall Conference "Together for Adoption" in Austin, TX.
Documentary Schedule on PBS here at Rage Against the Minivan.
A post about the number of children adopted vs. those institutionalized and remaining in-country.
Brain Child Magazine ~ article dealing openly with adoptions that fall apart.
Russell Moore calls Christians to rescue orphans in an article titled Abba Changes Everything.
tara
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